Things that my dogs say in their sleep.

Yoyo: That's an insane slope! Hand me my board!

Duke: Oh shit! Another hydra!

#dogs #dogsofmastodon #2BoyDogz

Conversation with my dogs.

Me: So, Duke will be going to the dog park alone today. Yoyo, you'll be staying home with Mom.

Duke: YAY!

Yoyo: What the hell? Why?

Me: Because the wound on your leg is still healing and can't be bandaged. Going to be that way for another week of two, buddy.

Yoyo: This is bullshit!

Duke: I'll tell everyone you said hello, bro.

My Wife: And I'll give Yoyo extra treats.

Yoyo: Okay!

Duke: Fuck!

#dogs #dogsofmastodon #2BoyDogz

Morning conversation with my 2 Boy Dogz.

Yoyo: Why do I have to wear this cone?

Me: Because you started a fight with duke and got bitten on your upper leg.

Yoyo: And why do I have to take pills and get goop smeared on the wound?

Me: Because you have an open wound on your leg!

Duke: And because with that cone and your white head, you look like ice cream. Hahahaha!

Yoyo: I will kick your ass!

Me: Both of you shut the hell up! This is how we ended up here.

#dogs #dogsofmastodon #2BoyDogz

Things my dogs ask me.

"How the hell do you stay balanced and walk on just 2 legs?"

"You sure you don't want to roll in this hose shit?"

"Wait! You take pills WILLINGLY?"

"Just who the fuck have you been petting. Dad?"

#dogs #dogsofmastodon #2BoyDogz

Conversation with my dogs.

Me: It didn't rain today and it's not supposed to rain tomorrow. Do you no what that means?

Duke: No getting wet while pooping?

Yoyo: Longer walks?

Well, yes to both, but it also means DOG PARK TRIP!

<insert here 2 Boy Dogz losing their shit>

#dogs #dogsofmastodon #2BoyDogz

Another conversation with my dogs.

Me: Why are you two moping around?

Yoyo: Skateparks are closed due to rain.

Duke: Nobody can come over for a game.

Me: Well, what if I told you we have all 4 Monsterverse movies on the DVR? AND, I'll fill a bowl full of jerky treats!

Both: BEST DAD EVER!

#dogs #2BoyDogz #kaijumovies

More conversation with my dogs.

Yoyo: So, you were shot in the ass. Any other wounds you want to tell us about.

Me: Shot through my lower right arm. it was in and out, just below the skin. I was not the intended target...

Duke: Holy sh...

Me: Stabbed twice on purpose and once accidentally. Speared by a broken pool cue. Ran a nail clean through my right foot. Broke my right collar bone in a bike accident. There are others.

Both boys: DUDE!

#2BoyDogz #dogs

Conversation with my dogs.

Duke: Dad, did you hear that Mr. Higgins up the street got shot in the butt by his wife?

Me: Yeah, I heard that. I'm surprised it didn't happen years ago. They always fight.

Yoyo: He's lucky it was a shot to the ass.

Me: True, but I'll bet it still hurt. It hurt when I got shot in the ass.

Both boys: WHAT???

Me: It was a long time ago. Shotgun, dove shot, stung like hell.

Duke: Was that the only time you got shot?

To be continued...

#2BoyDogz #stuff

My youngest dog, Duke: When will we be able to go to the dog park again?

Me: Once is stops raining for a few days, so things can dry out.

Duke: Well shit, that could be weeks from now!

Me: Yep. Maybe even a couple of months. Sorry, buddy.

Duke: First I wake up at the vet's office with no balls, now no dog park for weeks. What next?

Yoyo, our oldest dog: You'll wake up as a cat.

Duke: WHAT???

Me: I should have adopted goldfish.
#dogs #2BoyDogz #dogsofmastodon