PSA: It is possible to edge too much. It is possible to come hard enough to go into shock.

I was testing out a hummingbird male masturbator (a penis sleeve that attaches to a magic wand) to see how it would work for my nogasm. I placed a hand on my perineum and cut the vibrator whenever I detected a contraction.

I fell deep into a subby space and ended up doing this on repeat every 20s for 40 minutes until my wife came in to and give permission. I count early on, but I was at 20 edges. Math suggests that I edged myself over 100 times. I'd been denied 2 weeks previous to this.

The resulting orgasm was like touching a live wire and being electrocuted. I'm not sure it even felt pleasurable, kind of like how you don't feel surprised when a wave blindsides you and tosses you about. The experience just kind of happens to you, it's too big. You have to decide how you feel about if after.

1/2

#me #autobiographical #edging #shock #nogasm #denial

We'll be skipping this week's challenge because we already have a daily kneeling ritual that works for us. See above.

When asked about this week's task, my wife said she has no interest in "leaving me hanging" on the floor. Our kneeling is a moment of connection between us. If she wanted to exercise her power dynamic, she'd have me do something sexual instead.

#slavetraining #LowerYourSelf #protocol #ds #me #autobiographical

I had a new type of orgasm last night. Wife was dirty talking to me about being permanently tattooed with a symbol that marked me as hers. When I was close, she tweaked my nipple hard.

I came without touching, and I derived no pleasure from it. This wasn't like other ruins though-- most ruins leave me feeling desperate for more. This left me feeling satisfied without pleasure? It was the oddest sensation.

Has anyone else disassembled orgasms like this after frequent edging? It's like you can mix and match your orgasms near the edge:
- ejaculation
- satisfaction/refractory
- euphoria
- low grade pleasure
- horniness

With tonight's orgasm, I think I've had nearly every possible combination of those 5 stimulii.

#me #autobiographical #ruinedorgasm #orgasm #ruined

My wife just put a clicker on her key ring, so it's always at hand. Just the promise/threat of it has me incredibly hot and bothered.

#me #autobiographical #petplay #conditioning

I've been trying every night to do something that helps turn myself into a sex toy. Last night though, I hadn't done anything before we went to bed. My wife couldn't have that.

She put me under. I can't remember exactly what happened, I know she talked to me, touched me, made me touch myself.

When she brought me out, every time she pulled my leash the world shifted. She became bigger or I became smaller. I was owned, loved, and cared for. She was Powerful and Right. She was my focus and center. I could only stare in awe, admiration, and agreement.

From there, things progressed naturally. As she tugged on my leash, she "convinced" me that I should be doing things for her. She kept the leash taut while I was doing them. She came and I edged.

Afterwards I felt great, but my body was shaking as if in shock. I felt un-anchored. I asked her to hold me tight so I didn't float away. We fell asleep like that, with her clutching me tight.

#hypno #sex #autobiographical #me

This has been a hard feeling to work out, hence this essay.

I really enjoy the idea of bimbofication and wished it could apply to me, but I identify as cis male and feel more at home in my assigned gender identity. There aren't as many tropes for the objectification/hypersexualization of men (Henry Cavill excepted, those videos of him being objectified on talk shows by his co-stars were uncomfortably hot.) There definitely isn't anything I can think of that is as profound as "My boobs are my collar" that would apply to me.

I wish there was. I think the phrase "my boobs are my collar" is stuck in my head because it's so aspirational. I keep turning it around in my head trying to find an angle where I could translate into a fantasy or a goal I could pursue.

6/6

#me #autobiographical

"My boobs are my collar."

Possible reason # 2: As an internal reminder, I love the idea of a physical trigger that lets me feel submissive, and to have that trigger anchored to the proprioception of my own body, to know and feel that you've been built and made for sex, and to be reminded of it constantly.

I felt this a bit when I did a day of fasting for my first foray into butt stuff. I was preparing my body for sex a day in advance. It was a powerful feeling and was the best part of anal play for me.

We've tried in the past to tie sexy body positivity to exercise, but the results have always been disastrous. I like everyone else have gained a few pounds during the pandemic and it's lead me to feeling disconnected from how I see myself.

I'd love to get to a place where my feelings of my body recenter and let me feel objectified, which feels like the truest version of myself.

4/

#me #autobiographical

"My boobs are my collar."

This phrase has been bouncing around my head all this week, but I don' t know why. If I had to describe the feeling attached to it, it's a good jealousy mixed with yearning?

Possible reason # 1: My wife and I have created a new protocol where I get collared every night (more on this later.) We both have been enjoying it and it's helped me to feel more authentically like myself. Still, every morning I have to loosen/hide the collar and head into work. Cookie on the other hand was never without the symbol of her submission, she was fully integrated. Her surgery marked her as a sex object, but it also was normal enough to not be clocked as a D/s artifact. She could go out into the world honestly and be recognized and be accepted for what she was by vanilla society. (Well, mostly accepted... sometimes there were catty comments.) I'm deeply in the closet about my D/s role, and I envy that a bit.

3/

#me #autobiographical

Long forgotten moments resurge with the nostalgia of a toy lost and memories gained. Long adventures of the mind played out with #Oscar Goldman and his protege.

#vss365 #Autobiographical #Toys #1970s

Yesterday was the second day of #charmedhypno . Our standout favorite class yesterday was surprisingly a class titled "With Rope: Inductions and other suggestions." Visible Restraint did a great class on how to use kinesthetic trance while and during a rope scene. He and his partner were SO CUTE with each other. It was really sweet.

My wife bound me up following the instructions on the screen. She bound my arms in a praying shape in front of my chest, put me under with a wordless induction, and then tied me to her chair leg. I watched the rest of the class bound, tranced, and calmly laying on the floor.

#charmedhypno #rope #kinesthetic #autobiographical #me

Just as I posted that there's going to be fewer sexy posts, my wife hands me a holiday necklace: a red string with a single jingle bell attached, part of our "dress up as Santa box." She winks, and I'm flooded with memories.

Back when we lived alone, she would have me be naked in the house save for a collar with a bell attached. She set up a trigger so that every time the bell made noise, I would drop into trance for 2-3 seconds, then pop back out.

I would spend those evenings fractionated out of my mind. Even moving from place to place was a struggle as I slipped in and out of a trance fog. At random times she would say "That's enough talking," flick the bell, and have me do something that would require me to move and send me into another trance spiral.

Good memories!

#autobiographical #me #hypno #hypnosis #fractionation #collars #cfnm #femdom

Me: "So what do you want for Christmas? Books? Board games? Me wearing only a ribbon?"

Her: "You'd have to put that ribbon around your head..." as she reaches up and uses a trigger to put me under.

#me #autobiographical #hypno #cute

Her: "How do you want to come?"
Her: Likely thinking about positions, toys, and so on.

Me: Memory wiped so that I literally only know how to fuck.
Me: Extra suggestions to be horny and dumb. Words are hard.
Me: Only want to please, but she wants an answer and I want to be a good toy!
Me: "Um.... .... a lot!"

Me: so proud!
Her: *involuntary laughing*

#autobiographical #me #horny #amnesia #IntelligencePlay #IQPlay #DirtyTalk #hypno #hypnosis #objectification

✒️As a bouncy tekno tune once said...
💥"NOW IS THE TIME"💥
I wrote a book. Kinda. See these 'hings 💙💚💛🫣🤑🫦🪙🧠🧙🏻‍♂️
#books #writer #crypto #murky #confessional #funnyaf #Autobiographical

A week plus of denial+edging is a heady drug. I'll be going about my day and suddenly I'll have a violent flash of /needing/ to be between my partner's thighs more than I need to come. Memories of begging to do anything to go down on them, salivating uncontrollably, and being told to wait. Memories of being deprived of identity, no history but being a forever sextoy. Memories of being only able to think with my mouth and not my brain, only able to concentrate on licking, sucking, and serving. Making wet sounds as a suck because I can feel how it makes my owner wet, but being too simple to understand why...

The sense memories last only 1-2 seconds and I have to grab a table to steady myself shivering. Then I have to go about my day as normal.

I feel unsteady today. It feels like my brain is transporting me into extreme porn every 20-30 min or so, 1-2 seconds at a time.

#autobiographical #me #denial #PussyWorship #oral

The biggest act of submission I ever made was letting my wife organize the kitchen and the pantry.

I can never find anything.

#autobiographical #me #ds #humor

Me, just waking up: "Can I masturbate, please?"

Wife: "No, be good." sigh. "I'm sorry."

Me: "Sorry for what?"

Wife: "It's been days I've been saying no, and I haven't done anything for you. I feel guilty."

Me: "Dear, that's the whole point."

That's the key difference that makes orgasm denial work for us. She can say no and still drive me wild. It's the intention behind it-- I still feel heard and seen. I still feel like I'm being taken care of and managed.

(I just edged 2-3 times thinking of her instead, chanting mantras, etc.)

#denial #relationship #edging #mantras #autobiographical #me

My happiness
is of
the ephemeral kind
you might say
it is the emotional
equivalent of
a stick of
Fruit Stripe gum.

#poem #poetry #autobiographical