And speaking of viruses in the US.
#BarelySatire #PartyOfStupid #Christofascists

>Americans Reveal What It’s Like Living With The Woke Mind Virus https://www.theonion.com/americans-reveal-what-it-s-like-living-with-the-woke-mi-1850818566

Seriously #BarelySatire
#ThisIsAmerica #BadEconomy

>New Community Health Program Teaches Low-Income Americans To Ignore Symptoms https://www.theonion.com/new-community-health-program-teaches-low-income-america-1850793356

FTA: "The first thing we tell people is to never, ever go to the emergency room. Something as simple as sudden, unexplained headaches could be a serious sign of medical bankruptcy..."

Quiz: Could You Pass Anti-Woke Diversity Training In Florida? https://www.theonion.com/quiz-could-you-pass-anti-woke-diversity-training-in-fl-1850782073

#BarelySatire #Floriduh #PartyOfStupid #Christofascists

#BarelySatire, I guess if the librarian gig does not work out, and I get laid off. . .

#BadEconomy

>New U.S. Army Recruitment Ad Touts Military As Great Alternative To Starving On Streets https://www.theonion.com/new-u-s-army-recruitment-ad-touts-military-as-great-al-1850775575

Again, #BarelySatire

>Christians Explain Why They Push Christianity In Public Schools https://www.theonion.com/christians-explain-why-they-push-christianity-in-public-1850775894

#PartyOfStupid #Christofascists #Christians #religion

Seriously #BarelySatire.

>Democrats Respond To Jacksonville Shooting With Proposal To Remove Black People From Circulation https://www.theonion.com/democrats-respond-to-jacksonville-shooting-with-proposa-1850780964

#ThisIsAmerica #RepublicanLite

Americans React To Trump’s Mug Shot https://www.theonion.com/americans-react-to-trump-s-mug-shot-1850771708

#BarelySatire #PendejoInChief #PartyOfStupid

Texas Cancels School Over Concerns Extreme Heat Not Safe Environment For Shootings https://www.theonion.com/texas-cancels-school-over-concerns-extreme-heat-not-saf-1850775039

FTA: "...superintendent Theresa Williams, explaining that the last thing the district wanted was for school shooters to pass out from dehydration or heat stroke. "

#BarelySatire #TexasFriendly

Seriously #BarelySatire.

>Nation’s Liberals Anxiously Waiting With Unzipped Pants To Jerk Off To Trump Mug Shot https://www.theonion.com/nation-s-liberals-anxiously-waiting-with-unzipped-pants-1850770728

Apparently something or other was going on last night with the #PendejoInChief.

>Trump Supporters React To His Debate-Night Tucker Carlson Interview https://www.theonion.com/trump-supporters-react-to-his-debate-night-tucker-carls-1850766740

#BarelySatire #PartyOfStupid

@theonion Really needs to stop giving Eli Cologne ideas.

New Twitter Homepage Features Photo Of Erect Penis That Is Impossible To Close Out Of https://www.theonion.com/new-twitter-homepage-features-photo-of-erect-penis-that-1850758501

FTA: "At press time, the announcement was met by a flurry of replies from blue-check users responding, 'Excellent girth, Mr. Musk!'”

#SocialMedia #BarelySatire

#BarelySatire?

#books #reading #BannedBooks #censorship #humor #vampire #libraries

5-Year-Old Going To Be In Big Trouble If Mom Survives Gunshot https://www.theonion.com/5-year-old-going-to-be-in-big-trouble-if-mom-survives-g-1850752247

FTA: "How many times have I told you to never, ever touch my Glock? Mommy is very, very angry... and... cold... and... losing blood....”

Seriously #BarelySatire
#ThisIsAmerica

Republicans React To Trump’s Indictment In Georgia https://www.theonion.com/republicans-react-to-trump-s-indictment-in-georgia-1850743794

Sample FTA: “Through his anointing by God, Trump speaks the law into existence, and he has clearly stated that he’s innocent.” --James Williamson, Law Clerk

#BarelySatire #PartyOfStupid #PendejoInChief

Christians Explain Why Jesus Was Too Liberal https://www.theonion.com/christians-explain-why-jesus-was-too-liberal-1850736483

Sample FTA: “He fed 5,000 hungry people with five loaves and two fish when he could have easily just called the police and had them all tear gassed.” --Justin Fielder, Food Critic

#BarelySatire but again, I am a happy heathen.
#Christofascists #PartyOfStupid

@theonion Please stop giving #Floriduh ideas.

Florida Students Given Lifelike Dolls To Simulate Responsibility Of Owning Slave https://www.theonion.com/florida-students-given-lifelike-dolls-to-simulate-respo-1850688345

#BarelySatire #PartyOfStupid #Christofascists #education

#BarelySatire.
#Floriduh #PartyOfStupid #Christofascists

New Florida School Curriculum Requires Students To Keep Eyes Shut Tight All Day Until Safe At Home https://www.theonion.com/new-florida-school-curriculum-requires-students-to-keep-1850735540

But wait, there is more. FTA: "At press time, Diaz [FL education chief] added that all teachers would soon be required to have their lips sewn shut and be chemically castrated before they could legally interact with students."

Ouch.

#BarelySatire.
#Floriduh #PartyOfStupid #Christofascists

Conservatives Explain Why Libraries Should Be Defunded https://www.theonion.com/conservatives-explain-why-libraries-should-be-defunded-1850730390

@theonion Not even trying to be #BarelySatire.

#libraries #PartyOfStupid #Christofascists #censorship #BannedBooks #books #reading

White People Explain Why Diversity Initiatives Are Discriminatory https://www.theonion.com/white-people-explain-why-diversity-initiatives-are-disc-1850729524

Sample FTA: “I worked hard all my life to be white. I’m not just letting some young minority come in and steal my race.” --Lance Upton, Data Analyst

#BarelySatire #ThisIsAmerica

Liberals Explain Why Homelessness Should Be Criminalized https://www.theonion.com/liberals-explain-why-homelessness-should-be-criminalize-1850723171

Sample FTA: “I don’t care what you do with them, but please, call them the unhoused.” --Lydia Channix, Glassblower

#BadEconomy #BarelySatire #homeless