Last November, a vendor who I shan’t name (rhymes with Snail’s Horse) said they’d send us nice jackets. You know, to thank us for wasting literal millions of dollars on their terrible, terrible products.

Anyway, one of my employees just text me that his arrived today. He’s in Arizona. Highs in the 90s this week.

They can’t even get gifts right.

#CorpLife #SaaS StupidFingDumbCloudware

You wave your hands under the sensor faucet. It doesn’t recognize you.

You panic, maybe you have died and now you are a ghost. You resolve to check the mirror. Ghosts don’t have reflections, right?

Slowly you raise your gaze. There’s a reflection. You’re still alive.

OK, back to work you go. Back to staring at electric mirrors without reflections. A different sort of ghost.

#corplife #corporate #ghost

Today I had to give a presentation to a bunch of jerks I don’t like. So this dude joins and he’s the only one on camera. The whole time I’m talking he’s laughing and goofing off and obviously engaged in an entertaining chat. So I stopped presenting, called him out and shut off his video feed. GTFO with that disrespectful garbage! #CorpLife

I keep looking at Tuesday on my calendar. That does not bode well for this week. 😐 #CorpLife

It blows my mind that leaders/politicians/people in power can present a slide showing clear, TERRIBLE metrics and say BS like "overwhelmingly positive" "strong results" etc. Like.... Are we looking at the same slide?! #CorpLife

When I come back to work from time away I am very careful to NOT say “it’s good to be back.” Because, let’s be honest: It’s not. And as a good leader, I value authenticity. Instead, “thanks, I had a great time away.” And that’s it. Sometimes it’s what you DON’T say.

#transparency #corplife

If we are ever able to get #MacJohnsonFarm off the ground and quit our jobs I think we will name our animals after BS #CorpLife concepts. I can see it now:

“Salesforce, stop 💩ing in the water trough!”

“Dammit, @Jillianmarisa! PCI compliance jumped the fence again.”

“Aww, looks like Agile and Waterfall made up again. They sure love one another.”

… And a rooster named “can you go on mute please?”

After working 9 hours on Thursday I spent 5 hours waiting around for a release that kept failing to deploy. Good news though? I have the day off so we can try again tonight. And also do a release on Sunday morning too. Love my job! #CorpLife

Tonight @Jillianmarisa and I ran the numbers and put together a business plan around nuts and trees.

Every little thing we can do to learn, and build towards making #MacJohnsonFarm a reality… Our #CorpLife jobs are killing us. Me, unfortunately, literally.

Another crazy stressful day at the #corplife conglomerate. Opened #Mastodon for the first time today to see folks sharing joy, being creative, peaceful discourse. Everyone’s behaving!

This is the #PublicSquare we’ve all been waiting for. SM used to make me feel worse. Somehow now I feel better. Thank you, friends! 🥰

Chrome version 110 broke my app and this is the slowest explosion I’ve ever witnessed.

Best yet, no one knows what to do, as more and more users get the auto update and their stuff breaks 🤯 #CorpLife

@at I do the same thing! The feeder helps me cope w/ #CorpLife

Our company conducts an annual survey of employees. You can leave comments. But I’ve historically been leery of that.

Now I’m a leader and know how it works. So I just leave my critical commments using the frequent and super obvious typos of a peer who is a real pain in the neck. 😂 #CorpLife

Real talk.

How often do you accidentally reply "go tit" in teams/slack?

#CorpLife #Typo #GotIt #SpaceMatters

Wow, you are ripped! What’s your secret?

Oh, this? I have just been doing two pushups for each conference call so far this year.

#CorpLife #Meetings #WorkingForTheMan

How early on #Sunday is too early to let the dread of Monday and the upcoming workweek ruin the rest of the weekend? Asking for a me.

#CorpLife #SundayScaries

I got Monday off (YAY!) but it seems like the Conglom-O Corp wants to get Monday and Tuesday’s work out of me today. Easily the worst day I’ve had in months. YIKES. #CorpLife

A few years ago my company made a big deal about giving #MLKday off to its employees. It’s a great idea. But what they didn’t say in their HUGE media blast was that they also took away a floating holiday. So they didn’t really give anyone anything. I was cranky about it at the time but Mondays suck and I like the idea of the three-day weekend making room for service day. #CorpLife

I spent all week prepping fir an important presentation for this morning. Key folks didn’t show up so we spent the hour on dumb stuff. My boss^2 wanted a 30 min version this afternoon. He didn’t show up either. Mmmmk. I’ll show myself out. #CorpLife

I’m so glad my Fortune 500 employer isn’t on this @ProPublica list of election denier financial backers. Kinda sorta thought they would be. Whew! Is yours? 😳 https://projects.propublica.org/fortune-500-company-election-deniers-jan-6/ #January6 #CorpLife