Not-going-to-bed, because "I should probably go to bed" ... it's 1:30am and I haven't actually *done* any of the fun things I wanted to. Because even just wanting to do something (even a special interest / music hobby) feels like a (subconscious) demand. #PDA sucks!
(at least I think this is what's going on... or maybe I'm just burned out)
#actuallyautic #DemandAvoidance @actuallyautistic

Not-going-to-bed, because "I should probably go to bed" ... it's 1:30am and I haven't actually *done* any of the fun things I wanted to. Because even just wanting to do something (even a special interest / music hobby) feels like a (subconscious) demand. #PDA sucks!
(at least I think this is what's going on... or maybe I'm just burned out)
#actuallyautic #DemandAvoidance @actuallyautistic

@btaroli It might be helpful
not to think of it as "dividing his attention",
but more like "frequently switching, as often as he needs to".

The way it sometimes works for me;
If there's one thing I have to (even if I want to) do, then I'll avoid doing that thing.

But if I have two things,
then I can actively avoid thing #1 by doing #2,
and then when I feel like avoiding #2, switch back to #1.

And in the end, both things may get done, even though I felt like I was working on the wrong thing,
the "wrong thing" is just "another right thing".

It's something I recently realised, I'm planning try and make this magic scenario happen more frequently.

PS, I think (for me) this has something to do with #PDA / #DemandAvoidance
- read up on that and see if it applies...
it was a game changer for me personally!

I just learned that #DemandAvoidance is a thing. That's not quite true. I am intimately familiar with this phenomenon. I just learned it had a name.

@lapingvino @doggle @IzabelaKaramia @actuallyautistic #DemandAvoidance is interesting and you'll find very different opinions on this from the Autistic Community.

I agree with the the line of thought that says there isn't a #PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance or Persistent Demand for Autonomy) subset of Autism, but that all Autistics have Demand Avoidance to differing degrees.

I think it is our overriding desire for Autonomy, which isn't pathological at all, but it does make life difficult.

@doggle @autisticbookclub @IzabelaKaramia @actuallyautistic #DemandAvoidance is such a painful but also super useful realization... I think it's the only part of my autism that tends to actively create trouble for me... the bane of my existence... but also still a significant part of my identity. I still rather have a society where we don't impose things on each other.

How it feels when #ExecutiveDysfunction, #DemandAvoidance and #OCD get together for a party: just that terrible stuckness of wanting to do things but feeling totally unable, and you don't even know why, just that when you try your brain says NO...

and then becoming riddled with guilt that you're not doing anything, which of course makes it even *harder* to do things, and leads to even more anxiety that you're not doing things, over and over in a cycle, until you're totally paralyzed and can't do anything you wanted, or anything else either, and the stress has pushed you into shutdown so you're dissociating and struggling to speak...

so you give up and go to sleep because being awake with all this going on is overwhelming

and your brain yells at you that you're lazy the whole way there 🫤

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #PDA @actuallyautistic @adhd

@thekimmy I'm watching #JohnWick we're bingeing on all 3 movies; 1 down, 2 to go!

I mean, it's only been 9 years since it was released?!

When something is super popular I usually wait until it's been out for a bit until I watch it, the pressure to watch it 'straight away' is too much.

But I would've been raging too if someone had killed my dog!

#RelatableRage #DemandAvoidance #DontTellMeWhatToDo

@thekimmy I do not like being told what to do, and advertising feels like being told what to do.

Provide me with information, give me time to examine it.
I'll do some research, then I'll make a decision.

No other way works for me.

The harder the sell, the less likely I am to buy it.

I loathe, 'You better buy it soon, they're going fast!!!!!'

Well I guess I'll just have to do without it, won't I?! 😄

#CareFactorZero
#DemandAvoidance #ActuallyAutistic
@actuallyautistic

@vy_thefifthmookie @snazzyjazzy @actuallyautistic That sounds so restful!

For me, I need to be able to control how I'm going to socialise, dependant on how I feel (physically & emotionally) flexibility is key.

Having something 'planned' and 'scheduled' that you can't back out of, I find that really draining and stressful.

#AutisticAutonomy #DemandAvoidance

@mandelbrot57 I think it's common in our community. A hard sell will make me walk away, even if I want the thing in question!
All I want are the facts, then let me go away and do my own research, and I will either buy it, or not.
But don't try and persuade me!
#DemandAvoidance #ActuallyAutistic

@fishidwardrobe @BlinkPopShift @actuallyautistic Thanks! But just the word ‘task’ irritates me! 😬 I feel like I just want to ‘organise myself’ even if that means the superfluous (but interesting) tasks get completed instead of the important ones!
#DemandAvoidance #ActuallyAutistic

@BlinkPopShift @actuallyautistic I think tasks are our biggest issue. My entire #AutisticFamily have #DemandAvoidance including me. We have not worked this out yet! We haven't had the successes that you all seem to have had, our main issue is #AutisticExhaustion

When we have tasks we can't avoid (like work) we expend our energy on them, then when we come home we leave the things we can avoid, like #cooking #chores

However they usually fall to me to do
#DivisionOfLabour #AutisticRelationship

@BlinkPopShift I am also in an #ActuallyAutistic couple, my husband and I didn't know we were both #Autistic when we met, but in hindsight, there were obvious traits which drew us together!

I'm quite sure that our #AutisticRelationship doesn't look like a typical NT relationship in many ways, but it works well (most of the time) but can also be exhausting and challenging.

Can you expand on, "how do you manage varying levels of #DemandAvoidance "

My kids are also Autistic!
@actuallyautistic