I'm looking for a #TextToSpeech program that supports #SAPI4 and #SAPI5, allows #ETIEloquence voice tags, supports writing to audio files, and doesn't make said audio files sound like the Street Fighter II announcer like #TTSApp seems to do. #Balabolka does all the above, but its Eloquence voice tag support is kinda meh.

#ETIEloquence question: what is the juarasjuarasjuarasjuarasjuasjuasjuasjuas thing supposed to do?