I don’t think I’m “more autistic” now that I know I am. I think I just finally recognize what is autistic about me where in the past…I had no explanation or file for it. No term. No place to put all the moments I didn’t understand. I think in knowing it does feel like I’m experiencing it more but I don’t think it’s more or less than before. I think I just know what it is now. Awareness is intense. It can’t help but be. I don’t feel a bit of denial now. I see it all clearly. #autism #LateDX

Free to #Medium readers...

"Slouching Toward Joy: My Best 6 Phases To An #ActuallyAutistic Relief"

Diagnosed #autistic as an adult… or care about someone? Maybe YOU are autistic, maybe not?

So excited Medium's "Artfully Autistic" published this! A fantastic publication for new #Neurodivergent writers.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd #AutisticAdult #LateDx #LateDiagnosed #ADHD #ActuallyADHD #AuDHD
https://johnnyprofane1.medium.com/slouching-toward-joy-my-best-6-phases-to-an-actually-autistic-relief-7d2e3b551cda

Today I had some long and emotional phone calls with family as we continue to navigate a crisis with my relatives. During these conversations, I kept thinking about how the trauma of living as an undiagnosed autistic person has been passed down from generation to generation in my family, multiplying along the way. I thought about how much unnecessary pain and suffering we have all endured, never understanding why, or that we were not alone in our struggles. I feel so much sadness for those in my family who will never find the answers they needed. Being an undiagnosed autistic person living in a neurotypical world is agonizing. It leaves scars so many and deep that sometimes I wonder if it’s even possible to recover from them.

The one thing that gives me solace is that at least I am learning to trust myself in knowing and discovering the things that soothe me. Understanding that I am autistic, and that my sensory and communication needs are different, has given me the permission I so desperately needed to care for myself. It has helped me to notice how internalized ableism keeps me from comforting myself when I need it in the ways that I need it. I’m beginning to create new ways of being. I’ve been thinking a lot about the things that have helped me to feel calm and centered, and like myself, over the years, and I’ve been trying to actively do or try those things when I notice I am feeling distressed. And I find that it really does help. So after those hard calls, I’m doing a bunch of those things. From sitting in a sunbeam with my cat, to writing, to eating comfort foods and having a Star Trek movie marathon, I’m doing what I know I need to do to take care of myself. And hoping to find a way to process and move beyond a long legacy of trauma and shame.

#ActuallyAutistic #LateDX

"Authentic Autistic Life: 4 Short Stories Fearless, Joyful & Chaotic"

Now on #Medium...

Boldly explore living authentically autistic... 4 stories.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #AuDHD #ADHD #AutisticAdult #LateDX #LateDiagnosis #Neurodivergent

https://link.medium.com/Y4Tf50UfXxb

New Episode!

"Authentic Autistic Life: 4 Short Stories Fearless, Joyful & Chaotic"

Season 3's mission? To boldly explore living authentically autistic… out loud.

Text/Podcast/Video

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AuDHD #AutisticAdult #LateDiagnosis #LateDX #podcast #video

https://autisticaf.me/2023/03/06/authentic-autistic-life-4-short-stories-fearless-joyful-chaotic/

🚨Exclusive for #subStack readers...‼️

"Promising Me Beautiful Lies: How Hollywood Failed My Autism"

A fully illustrated version with 17 NEW c r a z y graphics!

FREE to view for all readers. I'm thinking about turning my subStack newsletter into an on-going graphic novel....

Oh.. and the biggest boost ANYone can give my work? Hit the like, subscribe & share buttons. 👉Help independent writers beat the Algorithm...

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ActuallyADHD #ADHD #AuDHD #Neurodiverse #Neurodivergent #LateDX #LateDiagnosed #AutisticAdults #Shorts

https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/promising-me-beautiful-lies

🚨Exclusive for #subStack readers...‼️

"Promising Me Beautiful Lies: How Hollywood Failed My Autism"

A fully illustrated version with 17 NEW c r a z y graphics!

FREE to view for all readers. I'm thinking about turning my subStack newsletter into an on-going graphic novel....

Oh.. and the biggest boost ANYone can give my work? Hit the like, subscribe & share buttons. 👉Help independent writers beat the Algorithm...

#ActuallyAutistic #Austic #ActuallyADHD #ADHD #AuDHD #Neurodiverse #Neurodivergent #LateDX #LateDiagnosed #AutisticAdults #Shorts

https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/promising-me-beautiful-lies

What’s autistic variable ability feel like? My skills, energy, focus, _interest…?_ They materialize & vanish at whim… like ghosts.

Yanking my #autistic life up, down & sideways. A crazed puppetmaster jerking my strings. How’s THAT feel?

Let me demonstrate, my friend...

10:13, with captions to aid audio processing.
Includes link to full, illustrated transcript.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd
#ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyADHD #AuDHD #Neurodiverse #Neurodivergent #LateDX
#LateDiagnosed
https://youtu.be/5P4qW_klsA4

I stumbled across some of my journal entries from the pre-pandemic years, and wow...they were painful to read. I was struggling so hard with many of the same things I am now, but back then, the only explanation I had was that I was lazy and undisciplined. If only “I tried a bit harder,” I would tell myself, then I would be able to meet all the expectations others had for me. There were also many references to failed social encounters, and myriad frustrations with things like unwritten rules and noisy neighbors. The autism - with some ADHD sprinkled in - is just so plain to see.

Sometimes I feel imposter syndrome, worrying that maybe I've revised my remembered history to fit an autism narrative. But no... if anything, I left so many things out of my mental history, and they were all related to my neurodivergence. It's painful to realize how much abuse I've given myself for simply for being autistic. And how often those messages still come into my mind…

But there was also a me in there who rejected that abusive story. Eight years ago, I wrote:

In the silent moments, I find myself. It is in those moments where I delve beneath the chatter of my brain

[The ragged litany of rebuke: “You are such a slacker. You will never get a job! You are so lazy. You are worthless. They are all so disappointed in you and rightly so….”]

and I find my heart beating balefully beneath, and I feel tears flowing down my face.

It is in these silent moments that I hear the truth.

[With a warm and gentle whisper: “You are enough. You are worthy. You do not need to be or do anything more than you are. You are deserving of love. You are deserving of peace. You are deserving of comfort…”]

#ActuallyAustistic #neurodivergent
#LateDX

"Rediscovering Autistic Joy: My 4 Easy, SHAMELESS Ways as an Autistic Adult'

For my #TikTok friends...

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD #LateDiagnosis #LateDX #AusticAdult #Video
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRnFxan5/

Rediscovering #AutisticJoy: My 4 Easy, SHAMELESS Ways as an #AutisticAdult'

New Blog & Video Premiere! (2:57)

Captioned to aid audio processing.

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD #LateDiagnosis #LateDX #Neurodivergent

https://autisticaf.me/2023/02/19/rediscovering-autistic-joy-my-4-easy-shameless-ways-as-an-autistic-adult/

A human…
slowly turning toward the camera….
and telling me exactly…
what’s on their mind.

Never, ever happens on my block. Not my nabes.

Coming soon as AutisticAF.me podcast & YouTube segment.
#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD #AdultAutistic #LateDx
👇 /13

Any #Medium readers around here?

Nothing that ANY screen ever showed me… not effing “reality” TV… prepared me for life. As an autistic.

Coming soon as an AutisticAF.me podcast & YouTube segment.

Now for Medium readers.

#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD #LateDiagnosis #LateDx

@actuallyautistic

https://medium.com/artfullyautistic/promising-me-beautiful-lies-how-hollywood-failed-my-autism-906c700a6e64

Any #Medium readers around here?

Nothing that ANY screen ever showed me… not effing “reality” TV… prepared me for life. As an autistic.

Coming soon as an AutisticAF.me podcast & YouTube segment.

Now for Medium readers.

https://link.medium.com/RLMqSnKvMwb

#ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD #LateDiagnosis #LateDx

Trying something new with long threads.

Please let me know what you think.

Text is in #AltText.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AuDHD #LateDiagnosis #LateDx #AutisticAdult #AutisticElder #Autistic

🧵1/

There's nothing I craved more in my life than companionship. And the times I found it? My most glorious moments.

Whenever I found 'em. For however long. *With WHOever…*

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #Autistic #ADHD #AuDHD #AutisticAdult #LateDiagnosis #LateDX

https://youtu.be/wZMT2gyCVxk

When you're broke but went out of your way to help ensure everybody got what was on their mandatory xmas wish list but they gifted like they never even saw yours (wrong gifts, wrong sizes no receipts, and just canceling a medical bill “iou” through a note inside a money card that they well knew I was never going to be able to pay back anyways) 😑🥺 #knewiwasstruggling #dysfunctionalfamily #shitparenting #audhd #audhdburnout #adhd #actuallyautistic #petty #adultadhd #adultautism #adultaudhd #merryxmas #happyholidays #hurt #doublestandard #invalidatingparents #trumpsupportingboomers #struggling #donationsstillcrucial #icouldvepaidbills #whatsthepoint #makeitmakesense #latedx #selfdx

Merry #Autistic Christmas!

I'm the diagnosed one in the picture...

By the time you see this I'm STILL recovering from sensory overload....

@actuallyautistic

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AuDHD #NeuroSpicy #AutisticJoy #AutisticAdult #LateDx

https://youtu.be/ACBrmchbFi4

Still trying to take care of my end of year bills. They’ve now officially cut my hours at work and any previously set schedules are no longer guaranteed. Donations are crucial and greatly appreciated as I work for getting a replacement job. Thank you.

CashApp: $PEgypt
GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/1076dbfa

#meltdown #toxicworklife #audhd #severeburnout #wtf #supportneeded #donationsneeded
#toxicworkplaces #ableismaritsfinest #toomuch #meltdowncentral #toxicworkplaces #ableismaritsfinest #toomuch #meltdowncentral #ableistpractices #audhd #adhd #autism #cagent #livinghell #tryingtomakendsmeet #pleasedonate #shouldquit #cantquit #pleasehireme #makeaccommodationsaccessible #toomuchchange #corporategreed #sinkingship #autistok #audhatiktok #adhdtiktok #autismtiktok #latedx #selfdx #makeitmakesense #ableistdisabledproductcompany #ableist #bullshit #mutualaid #mutualaidrequest #pleasedonate #pleasesupport

My first video piece in 2 months...

I THINK it's good work. Lemme know what you think...

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AutisticAdult #LateDX

Video with captions for audio processing. Link to transcript.

https://youtu.be/I-HE2soUEyI