In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #Ethereum founder #VitalikButerin had his #Twitter account compromised, and a scam link posted.

Needless to say, many apes were lost as degens immediately approved this malicious #crypto smart contract.

I mean... just... don't do that kind of thing, from your main wallet, k? :ablobcatbongokeyboard:

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, disgraced #Theodex CEO gets 11,000 year sentence for a $2 billy #crypto #CEX #scam.

... Only 11,000 years? :drake_like:

https://cointelegraph.com/news/turkish-crypto-exchange-thodex-ceo-11-000-year-prison-for-2-b-scam

For today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #AlexMashinsky, the disgraced former CEO of #Celsius #crypto infamy, has had his assets frozen. :blobcat_thisisfine:

https://www.coindesk.com/policy/2023/09/06/ex-celsius-ceo-mashinskys-assets-ordered-frozen-by-court-as-doj-case-continues/

It's a hot news day, more #TotallyUnsurprisingNews: #Ripple #XRP is not a security.

(Well, okay, maybe that was a bit surprising.) :blobcatpinkphone:

https://blockworks.co/news/judge-rules-ripple-xrp-not-security

In more #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, the #FTC has reached a settlement with #Celsius. It includes a ban on resuming #crypto operations, and a suspended judgement of $4.7b to allow it to return these assets to duped customers. :drake_like:

Unsurprisingly, its 3 founders were not present and the FTC will proceed with cases against them in federal court. :dumpsterfire:

https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/news/press-releases/2023/07/ftc-reaches-settlement-crypto-platform-celsius-network-charges-former-executives-duping-consumers

BREAKING: In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #Celsius Network's ex-CEO #AlexMashinsky has just been arrested!

Bloomberg: "The arrest took place Thursday morning, according to the person, who asked not to be identified because the criminal case isn’t public."

Oftentimes, karma works in cycles.

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews ... truth hurts. :dentonlol:

JUST IN: For today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #ElonMusk has now said unverified #Twitter users will only be able to view 300-600 tweets per day. :blobcat_thisisfine:

Talk about shooting your ad revenue in the foot... Does this guy realise his platform runs on advertising revenue, based on people scrolling through Tweets? lel. :dumpster_fire_gif: :picardfacepalm:

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #Twitter has now disabled all public access. To see Tweets, one now has to log in to the platform.

Classy, as always! 👌 :dumpsterfire:

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #Coinbase has won in the Supreme Court 5-4 in favour of

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, the #Ripple vs #SEC saga continues as the now-infamous #Hinman files are released, surprisingly, chock full of critical comments and questions from his own peers, which were then ignored.

Not looking great for the #SEC and #GaryGensler's current #crypto cases. :oof: :dentonlol:

https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1668601225418543109.html

Today in #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, the #SEC Stabilization Act was filed, to restructure the SEC, and FIRE the Chariman #GaryGensler for his endless fucking about. #FAFO in full effect.

#crypto #regulation

Oh, and another piece of #TotallyUnsurprisingNews for today--#BoJo #BorisJohnson has stepped down today as a #UK Tory MP, over the #Partygate scandal.

By his own words, he's been "forced out". :drake_like:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-65863267

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #KimJongUn, leader of #NorthKorea has banned killing yourself.

How is this going to be enforced--punishable by death...? :think_bread: :oh_no_bubble:

https://www.businessinsider.com/kim-jong-un-bans-suicide-after-numbers-skyrocketed-report-2023-6

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #SEC sues #Coinbase, for #cryptocurrency staking services.

#COIN dumped almost 20% in premarkets this morning as a result before recovering to 12% down on the day.

Ooooooofties! Somebody stop #GaryGensler! :drake_dislike:

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, the #SEC has finally sued #Binance for a basketful of securities law violations.

Ooooft. #Crypto market dumping ensues. :oof:

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #Polygon-based lending protocol #0vix has been flash loan attacked in a $2m hack, by manipulating the #Aavegotchi #vGHST (staked #GHST) prices and liquidating for #USDC & #USDT.

This is why small cap assets should never be co-mingled on borrow/lending platforms. They also ran their own price oracle rather than using #Chainlink. :oof:

https://decrypt.co/138262/polygon-lending-protocol-0vix-pauses-protocol-exploit

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, #StevenSeagal continues to be a legitimate martial artist extraordinare. 😹 🤡

Better get ready to surrender #Ukraine, before some old man pays people to fake getting tossed around like ragdolls. 🤸‍♂️ 🤸‍♀️ 🤸 🥋

https://www.marca.com/en/lifestyle/world-news/2023/03/20/6418a89422601de35f8b4593.html

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, the #USA Commodity Futures Trading Commission has just filed a complaint against #Binance and #CZ for compliance breaches and failing to register with the #CFTC.

Boy, nobody saw that one coming... 📉 :blobcat_thisisfine:

#crypto #law

https://www.docdroid.net/60YAbCz/cftc-binance-pdf

In today's #TotallyUnsurprisingNews, infamous fugitive #DoKwon has allegedly just been arrested in Montenegro after trying to fly with false documentation.

#UST #Terra #crypto

https://cointelegraph.com/news/do-kwon-reportedly-arrested-in-montenegro