It is possible to empathize with everyone. However, those of us who are prone to empathy have been conditioned to empathize more with the person or organization that is on top within a power dynamic. We have been conditioned to empathize with abusers, billionaires, corporations, police officers, landlords, privileged races, privileged genders and orientations, etc.

Until this knee-jerk reaction is deconstructed within you, it is natural to make the most excuses and describe the narrative of the most powerful. But it is our RESPONSIBILITY in making a better world to flip that script. To make an extra effort to figure out who has the least power in any given dynamic, and learn THEIR story, do emotional labor for THEM. #empathy #AbuseCulture

Vanessa keeps pushing Rae into little things Rae doesn’t want to do. Like I predicted that when Rae said she didn’t want to go into the water, that Rae would end up in the water. Yep because that’s what he did to me. Push and trick and argue and cajole you into lots of little things you don’t want to do. But you secretly kind of like it, because maybe you should be trying new things and he gives you the excuse. But each little push takes a tiny bit out of you until there’s nothing left.

Vampire couldn’t be a more apt description of this kind of abuser. I hope Rae figures it out. I don’t think she will, though. #TheUltimatum #AbuseCulture #malignantNarcissism

As an autist, I mostly don't understand the stigma against snitching, except in circumstances where snitching to powerful authorities is in the worst interests of a community.

So like, I get it that if someone steals a loaf of bread, we shouldn't tattle on them. Or if they're Black in the US where they're likely to get shot and aren't hurting anyone, or even sometimes when they are hurting someone but the police will only make things worse. No snitching, I get that.

But when the powerful are doing something wrong, or someone is causing harm, and authorities are generally fair, then of course we should snitch. All manner of toxic shit goes on because of secrecy. It's an abuser's greatest out. #AbuseCulture

Anyhow, I was just looking for a synonym for "whistleblower," and every single one of them have negative connotations. I don't like this. We need more heroic words for shining light on corruption and wrongdoing.

https://www.thesaurus.com/browse/whistleblower

#TheUltimatum, but, so Vanessa’s little argument with Xander in Ep2 is IDENTICAL to arguments I had with my abuser. If you want to see how malignant narcissists roll, watch it. He and I had this fight over and over.

Him: That person (you want to date or are friends with) is out to get me.
Me: I haven’t seen it.
Him: They did this thing!!!
Me: That’s not what I saw happen…
Him: *deeply personally offended and hurt at my lack of support in favor of truth*
Him: *either disconnects from me (silent treatment) or punishes or argues for hours escalating gaslighting or verbal abuse until I melt down*

Vanessa and Xander did the whole cycle inside of 5 minutes. (But I’m sure it’s not over.)

And in a previous conversation with someone else, Vanessa thought Xander wouldn’t be able to find anyone else who would want or put up with her. Yeah. Heard that one too. Only a couple of times, but that was enough. #AbuseCulture #polyamory

The sheep metaphor they love so much has always contained the truths of the situation.

#AbuseCulture

More often, tho, it’s not a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a wolf in shepherd’s clothing. Or even just a shepherd in shepherd’s clothing. Because what do shepherds do? They eat sheep.

#AbuseCulture

If he looks like a sheep but he’s eating other sheep, he’s not a sheep. He’s a wolf.

And you can’t just point at him and say, “But he didn’t eat that one or that one!” as a defense. You can’t just say, “But he’s not eating ALL the sheep!” Nevertheless, this is a common defense.

#AbuseCulture

A little more on what I do, it's based on my #AbuseCulture model that some people have a mindset which dehumanizes others, and when they fail to respond with empathy, that reveals the mindset that they don't think of me as someone worth empathizing with. It tells me when to block or when to continue engaging. It has served me well. #TV #ThePrisoner 01/09/2023

5/

Relatable quote from #ShinyHappyPeople that doesn’t just apply to fundamentalism and cults.

“We had this power the entire time over the people who were hurting us. It turns out, as much as they tried to control us, we were ultimately what they most feared, and all we had to do was talk.”

Chad Harris

#Duggars #ShinyHappyPeople #exmo #exmormon #exvangelical #AbuseCulture

The reason fundamentalist fathers are so restrictive and protective of their daughters is because they’re afraid other men will treat their daughters the same way they treat other women.

#Duggars #ShinyHappyPeople #AbuseCulture #cult #exmo #exmormon #exvangelical

The beneficiaries of this system are those higher on the hierarchical ladder who have examined these ideals and do not believe the rules apply to them. They believe they are special. For them, easy pleasure and even pleasure at the expense of others is morally acceptable, even desirable. They need to prevent those they control from having access to pleasure and relief from trauma symptoms as a means of control. And they are in positions to influence culture. This is what drives #AbuseCulture. #IBLP #ShinyHappyPeople

2/2

The war on pleasure stems from the abuse culture belief that everyone must suffer, and pleasure must be earned only through hard work or force. Easy pleasures like sex and safe drugs, or even simply relief from trauma through any means other than committing violence, are seen as sinful because it comes from a worldview where authority, control, and punishment are (often unstated, unexamined) ideals. #philosophy #Culture #cults #AbuseCulture

@TomMarcinko @StillIRise1963 I have and I did. I learned things I could not have from a distance. I use it to try to deconstruct how these kinds of people operate and then help others see through it. There are patterns that repeat at every level. I call it #AbuseCulture, when abuser patterns are reinforced and enabled by society.

I’m judgmental AF if you’re doing something I consider to be morally abhorrent or dangerous. It benefits abusers when people believe is a sin to deem who should be held accountable. #AbuseCulture

@scottsantens I find it interesting that of all his crimes, it was Tucker’s daring to criticize those in power over him that got him kicked to the curb. That’s the one major flaw in fascism that fascists fail to realize: so long as someone is in power over them, they lose their freedoms along with the rest of us. I’m sure he will fail to learn this lesson. #AbuseCulture

This movie I’m watching, Death of a Vlogger, I’m really liking it so far. It’s an interesting twist on #FoundFootage in that it’s in documentary form with interviews. It’s a fairly insightful commentary on social media.

There’s a “social physiologist” on screen now with the best explanation for trauma bonding I’ve ever seen: When your phone buzzes, you get a little hit of dopamine when you see a like. So you come to crave your phone buzzing. Then imagine if over time, that experience becomes painful, negative. You still crave the dopamine hit, but it comes with pain.

I’m relating to that so hard, not just social media (Twitter especially), but also my experience with my abuser. Love bombing creates the attachment, which later becomes painful, but damn it’s a hell of a drug. #horror #AbuseCulture #TraumaBonding

When working with an abuser (and in this case an entire segment of society) you’ve got to think about what they’re REALLY saying. (Because they’re not trying to be as honest as you are.) If they say, “We want the right to ban ideologies,” and you answer, “I don’t have an ideology,” what have you done there? What has the abuser gotten you to do? Sit with that. Breath it in. Let it terrify you.

Because to me, that’s far more terrifying than them “just” banning transgender people. (And I’m trans.)

#AbuseCulture

It’s not dishonest to operate inside the abuser’s framework. It’s conducive to communication. And when it comes to communication with abusers, it’s more about protecting yourself and others, than it is about being “right.” Being Right means shit. You can’t be right about anything in a gulag.

#AbuseCulture

#Introduction: Howdy. I'm an author who specializes in #deconstructing #cult tactics, #AbuseCulture, healing #ReligiousTrauma, and #Mormonism. My book #RecoveringAgency deconstructs #Mormon manipulation. I #ghostwrite and #edit part-time for a living. Before that, I worked in IT from 1996-2011.

In 2015 I left my abuser of seven years, and since have been disabled with #PTSD and other chronic conditions, fighting #suicide. I was unable to work at all for five years. My personal narrative now is about recovery out of that #DarkSojourn. I'm usually in some kind of pain, and try not to whine too much about it.

My interests are wide and varied and I will not remember them all here. I dabble in #infosec, #fiction writing, #philosophy. DXed with #autism circa 2010. #GenX obsessed with the #90s. I love #music, #psychology, and thinking about #culture.

Will probably update this as I think of things.

@AlisonMDunning Hey I saw this toot while moving my accounts because of the hashtag #AbuseCulture which is an area I'm working on as well. My background is in religious trauma recovery and cults, and I've noticed parallels to that and the rest of society.

Doesn't look like you're active, but this is also an area of interest of mine, so, followed!