Full disclosure: re-reading blessed is the flame (and shortly afterwards doing my best to answer an open question about being #ActuallyAutistic in the work place, {because of all I left unsaid but needed to be said} triggered a meltdown.

In these moments it gets really hard for me (or those that witness it) to separate #Cptsd from a regular #AcruallyAutistic #meltdown

It only lasted all night (this basically involves me being in a bad place, non-verbal, stimming and walking back and forth for hours, sometimes)

The last similar metldown lasted 5 days, the one before 8.

As mentioned earlier, in these moments it is really hard to decide wether this an event linked with me being autistic, or with C-ptsd (and wether the C-ptsd is a consequence of me being #actuallyautistic ) weirder even, in these moments if someone needs to communicate with me and I'm able to be verbal, more often than not, the only way I am able to communicate (and those around me can interact with me) can only be read under an all together different framework, that of #plurality #multiplicity #did. I understand where that comes from, ça coule de source

I have decided (and I also believe this to be true) that I am an autistic person who endured C-ptsd.

My experiences can only be read through the prism of being #ActuallyAutistic (and #Trans ) butt I'm an #ActuallyAutistic person who also has had to survive not only in a sanist and ableist society, but also one whom endured long term abuse (if most of not any kind), my meltdowns cannot be separated from my C-ptsd triggers, and when those combine, when confronted with something unacceptable, my mind will go back to that place where it compartmentalizes.

Last night was such a night.