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"Calm Down!" Why is this the WORST Advice You Can Give an Autistic Person?

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@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd

#ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #AuDHD #AutisticAdults #AutisticAcceptance #Neurodivergent

https://open.substack.com/pub/johnnyprofaneknapp/p/calm-down-why-is-this-the-worst-advice?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

"Calm down."
🧵

G-d, I hate those words. Always have.

#AutisticParent #AutisticMom #AutisticDad
#AutisticAwareness #AutisticAcceptance
#Autism #ADHD #AuDHD #AutisticAdults #AutisticAlly
#AutisticElder #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic
@actuallyadhd

I've heard them pretty much every day of my long life.

Delivered in soothing tones...
Helpful tones...
Authoritative...
Anxious...
Angry...
Sometimes accompanied by a slap.

From Parents. Teachers. Priests. Playmates. Lovers. Doctors. Therapists... Each one demanding one thing of me.

👉Control over THEIR own feelings.

By demanding... control of mine.

WHO needs control when I'm sad?
Angry?
Intense?
Passionate?
Proud?
Informative...
Joyful...
or...
Suicidal?

You folks do.

I'm feeling what I'm feeling. And expressing it in ways that are not only the most natural to me... but also the most appropriate...

To the neurology I was born with.

You may not like it.
In the park.
In the grocery store.
In front of strangers.
In front of Aunt Mary.
In 2nd grade.
👇👇👇

With my office door open.
In your waiting room.
On our 3rd date.
In your house...
In *your* life.

There's a whole wing of autism deniers masquerading as scholars who say we autistics lack a "theory of mind."

Like adult autistics don't deal with typical human minds
👉 24 / 7 / 365.25 ... 👈

YOUR problem with MY behavior is easier to understand than your whole "theory of mind," "behavioral analysis" crap.

I don't get how YOU think or feel.
You don't get how * I * think or feel...
And we rub each other the wrong way. Just like cats and dogs.

👉THIS cat has a theory of *your* mind. It's simple.

You don't acknowledge what you think or feel.
Not in public.
Lots of times not even to yourself.

S'why y'all drive me crazy.

Why did parents, teachers, "helping" pros, "friends" tell me to calm down?

Not to soothe *my* distress. To soothe THEIR distress.

👉 Shame?
Not fun to feel ashamed... of your child.

👉 Fear?
Scary when everybody's looking at you.
And you think it's not even your fault.

👉 Anger?
It's frustrating... when you have no control.
Like... when I don't do what you want me to. Fast enuff.

👉 Soothing?
Of course, YOU need soothing...

Every time someone else's pain...
Or bad luck...
Or death...
Reminds you of YOUR danger.

🚨 "Calm down." 🚨

There is never a time that a command...
implying that an autistic person in distress is doing "something wrong"...
helps.

Doesn't matter our age... education... profession... wealth.

And since your "helpful advice" almost certainly inflames their pain... literally adding fuel to the fire in our hearts, minds, and bodies...

You'll NEVER get the outcome you demand... soothing.

You'll just add one more brick to the prison wall of our trauma.

#AskingAutistics

@georgetakei @TheAutisticTooter Thank you for your efforts to raise awareness :gi: (though we really need so much more than awareness now)

BTW, most of us (according to research and countless polls) prefer to be called Autistic people, or Autistics, or Autists

We’re not people ‘with autism’, still less people ‘with ASD’

(Individual preferences may differ of course, and should be respected)

#ActuallyAutistic #AutismAwareness #AutisticAcceptance

I am feeling exhausted. It is not even April and the conversations for Autustic Acceptance month have already started.

It can feel like Autistic People are not allways listened too. Which is infuriating.

#Autism #AutisticAcceptance

#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAcceptance

#Autism #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAcceptance

The Infinitints Collection, Part 1 #PopArt #DigitalArt #RedInstead #AutisticAcceptance

After spending so much time in my childhood thinking I was the only one like this, knowing, befriending, loving other neurodivergent folks is the sunniest, warmest feeling in the world.
#neurodivegent #ADHD #autistic #actuallyautistic #autisticacceptance

Mainstream media urged to recognize shift to “Autism Acceptance Month” this April

https://au-ti.com/2021/03/05/mainstream-media-urged-to-recognize-shift-to-autism-acceptance-month-this-april/

#AutisticSelfAdvocacyNetwork #autisticacceptance #Advocacy