Another bad night. Slept maybe 4 h, woke up with anxious energy & jaw pain from biting so hard. Slipped in & out of sleep until now... Now getting ready for work, so so tired. I need to talk to my manager & it's terrifying. It's too many open ends & people to deal with. I need more help & I need someone else to take responsibility too. I'm breaking down & it's affecting my life very negatively.
#AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticStruggles

Hopefully by end of February we'll be over the stuff where I can't control much. It sucks. right now I feel like crying, completely overwhelmed (a bit hangry too) & anxious. #ActuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAtWork #AutisticStruggles

Someone took my* office 😭😭😭

*The room usually noone but me uses and was inofficially given to me to escape the noise of the open office space.

#AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutisticAtWork

I'm compiling an overview document for the big anxiety-inducing task I'm currently leading and it's already a lot of items. No wonder I've been feeling stressed, overwhelmed & anxious. So many are ongoing discussions/issues, many I'm not sure how exactly they'll be solved. Total lack of closure for MONTHS! It's entirely too much!
#ActuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAtWork #AutisticStruggles

Today's the day, I gotta do some advocating & autism explaining I think. Have a meeting with my manager and I need to bring up that this one big thing I've been made responsible for is really taking it out on me. Loose ends m, the many unknowns over months and the constant interactions with many people is not really autism friendly and is causing me so much anxiety. #AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic

Experiencing the worst night yet... Woke up to go to the bathroom after ~2.5h, been largely awake since then 😭
Considering calling in sick tbh... 😬 Or at least try to work from home.
#insomnia #ActuallyAutistic #SleepIssues #Anxiety
#ActuallyAutisticAtWork #AutisticAtWork

When you're not sure what norm is being followed (if there is one at all) - whether your lab coats are ordered by the letter of your first or last name it's convenient that mine are the same letter for both 😅

#AutisticOnTheJob #AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic

Ouffff, I've been soooo #tired today! I slept almost 8 hours quite uninterrupted but never shook the #exhausted feeling I already had upon waking up 😨 might have been a tough one to start a full new stressful week after my vacation. Like a shock to the system. I have a lot of less desirable tasks to do & it's stressing me but also bogging me down 😬 It's not feeling particularly rewarding right now..
#AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #ActuallyAutisticAtWork

Not knowing for sure that it'll be all ok just absolutely messes me up as an #ActuallyAutistic person. It preoccupies my brain, it's hard to shake when I'm not at work & it's a constant source of anxiety. Of course my tolerance for unresolved things is also lowered when I don't sleep well... ☹️
#AutisticOnTheJob #AutisticStruggles #AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutisticAtWork

He lives in a fantasy world where he did "everything he could" (& probably thinks this equals "everything right") to produce such successful offspring (my education & doctorate). He doesn't see or acknowledge my troubles, I've already been burned out & know now I'm autistic. He didn't get either. He keeps reminding me that back in their country I would have been treated badly for mental health issues & being openly #AutisticAtWork with certain needs. 3/n

How to explain to a NT that an autistic mind/brain does not „calm itself” as quickly as a NT mind/brain.
After a heated discussion I need a couple hours to steam off, not 10 min. I will be ready to review the discussion only once I collect my thoughts and prepare a new plan. Change management has its own process.

#ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAtWork

It's done! Finally!
I was so so nervous it sent me to the bathroom just before. But it went well, my panel knew me already & I could feel that my boss was also herself mentioning things to present & show my qualities in the right light. I can already feel the exhaustion coming on, it was definitely high masking & intense performance situation! You bet there will be potato-based rewards tonight!
#AutisticAtWork #JobInterview #AutisticMasking

I applied to a job a few weeks ago for my current role but permanent at THE company (I'm consulting currently)! Yesterday I've been selected to interview for it next Wednesday!!! I'm both excited & honestly already nervous! This job would mean a lot. Both finally something really permanent & better pay & benefits! Plus I do like the role+my colleagues & would like to figure out the last accomodations to really start thriving there! #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticAtWork

Super pleased to have authored a company blogpost on establishing and facilitating a Neurodivergent Employee Resource Group. Totally new experience for me!

Having an ND ERG is a great way to explore how neurodiverse employees experience the workplace, how to make it better for them, and the unique benefits they can bring as well.

#neurodiverse #actuallyautistic #autisticatwork #cybersecurity

https://www.domaintools.com/resources/blog/celebrating-neurodiversity/

I am going to leave work early today. I have somehow accumulated almost 3 hours of over time and I need it back today! Another bad sleep night and the overwhelm from this morning got to me & I am *tired*! #AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #Boundaries #SelfCare

Another work week, another "waking up anxiously & too early" 😖 I have a packed day with experiments & a meeting I am leading. It's all a bit scary again. Also I might hear something regarding the job application!
#AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic #AutisticStruggles #Insomnia

I woke up extremely anxious & over an hour before my alarm! I felt like I was going to explode. My stomach, again super nervous 🙈 I need to train a person in the morning, present at a small meeting & take the train today. Then it's meeting friends & a concert. I might also hear from my application, which seems the main anxiety source. Too many out-of-the-ordinary things, I think 😬 #AutisticStruggles #AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic

😖 I noticed I was waking up too early again & have a high nervosity base level. I think I'm unconsciously stressing about my #JobApplication & how the application process will be & if I will get the job. Today is the last day to apply & of course nothing has happened yet & still I'm so tense & stressed. I don't like the uncertainty & find interviews very exhausting! Now even my belly has caught up & has sent me to the bathroom 😑
#AutisticAtWork #AutisticStruggles

Today I'll do some "testing". Have agreed to go along for after work drinks but have mentally prepared to leave if the environment is too overwhelming. Some ppl already know of this possibility, so I don't feel worried abt leaving if I need to. #AutisticAtWork #ActuallyAutistic

I got a big ol' headache but I feel so good about my work! I designed my assays without even having used the method before and it... WORKED!!
I'm so proud the pressure to deliver this also didn't mess things up for me today!
#AutisticAtWork #LabWork