#Truth time: I have #BetrayalTrauma, #IntrusiveThoughts, and #Anxiety. I'm doing my best to work through them while still waiting for my first therapy appointment since my divorce in 2006. If you too have any of this, I would greatly appreciate advice on what you do to cope with it.

Wow. It's been 18 years since my #first #husband ended his 9-month affair, and only now do I learn that what I went through and still go through is so common that it has a name. #BetrayalTrauma https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/betrayal-trauma

I never really cared for the song #MyWay because it reminds me of the #GoodFella culture that looks at people with my complexion like shit.

After #BetrayalTrauma snapped my identity in half, That song became the voice of the person who unapologetically took advantage of my body, my generosity, my trust.

And so, that song makes sense now, like this #ModernDance piece:

Celui Qui Tombe https://vimeo.com/546874474

#recovery #relationships #dance

My #thanksgiving: One apple. Leftover rice with 振り掛け. A protein bar. One banana. A frozen meal. Chips and some dip. Tea. Juice.

I was only up for 12 hrs but took 2 naps because of the #sadness #grief #loneliness

Naps, because I don't get to pretend #religion makes a difference, or #tarot , or #astrology , or #alcohol , or #ReachingOut to people who want nothing to do with me.

I get through holidays by #PlayingDead

#relationships #depression #sober #BetrayalTrauma #cptsd #recovery

A #doppelganger for my (abusive) ex was in my notifications once, with the same favorite food/ amount of kids/ interests/ kind of piercings - just in a different country. It was like being in front of her again. But after years of dealing with the resulting #BetrayalTrauma and #CPTSD , I recognized myself ruminating over this stranger (e.g. should I follow, ask a question, give a compliment ?). And in the end, I just deleted it. I know my brain wants to make sense of the #loss

#recovery #grief