#BPD is so wild.

I'm going to write a little thread about some recent concepts.

1. This label is unethical.

When we get introduced to this label we become desperate to "heal".

"I don't want to be that person anymore".

Instantly we are set up to fail.

Not wanting to be who you are is the foundation of wanting to unalive yourself. That person is validly responding to a world both overwhelming & consuming them.

A juicy human bug for the spider of patriarchal capitalism.

2. There are two halves to me.

Joe Tracini (I know him from Twitter) makes wonderful BPD vids that show this expertly.

The BPD half cuts me down & then has me project this negative self worth concept on to others.

Then believing/understanding they have developed these feelings about me independently.

3. This is the foundation of my isolation.

This negative self talk (think: inner monologue that won't stop talking no matter what I do) is projected on everybody without me realising. And as clever as I am, I believe it.

After all I don't read people's responses correctly.

4. Being open vs. being vulnerable.

The core of BPD is shame, an inability to feel it, recognise it, process it. It dysregulates me at light speed.

Processing shame requires vulnerability. Being vulnerable means being ok with people not liking me.

5. The grey area always wins. The grey area is where it's easiest to hold multiple truths simultaneously.

I think kindness lives in the grey area.

🩷

#borderlinepersonality #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #EUPD #autism #MentalHealth

"I know I'm doing X to make everything worse, I'm sorry I do..." Followed 30 seconds later by them doing X again.

That is the thing they do that drives me bat shit crazy.

#BorderlinePersonality
#MentalIllness

Meanwhile, son who inadvertently triggered the meltdown feels horrible about... Kid says they know they overreacted yet continue to make snide remarks about how they want to be "with their family without one being a jerk" and the comes out and snarks pointedly "You need to learn when to fucking back off." Which causes son to go running off.

Now I have two kids having a meltdown.

#BorderlinePersonality
#MentalIllness

How often do normal people wish they were dead? #BorderlinePersonality

I am struggling with so much, but when you see someone worse off than you, you realize how much you have.

It’s hard to be a bleeding heart, and have a happy soul.

It’s hard to love, and never be touched.

It’s comforting to hide behind a wall.

It’s excruciating to be a writer, and never be read.

It’s sad, to be sad.
#BorderlinePersonality

IMO and experience, the toughest part of living with #borderlinepersonality is not knowing if the person who you have become to be, the “gifts” people talk and love about you and the love you have to offer to the world around you, is a reality of who you genuinely are or a “byproduct” of your survival mechanism. Whatever it is, your existence matters and still worthy of love and acceptance 😇 #BPDAwareness

As my body ages, my mind becomes more fragile. I am unable to accept the outcome of my youth. I am unable to do my life over, so I live in constant regret. I will always be 15, when I dream.
#BorderlinePersonality #BPD