#HidradenitisSuppurativa anxiety is high in me today

I don't even think #anxiety is an accurate label for what I'm actually feeling, though.

It's like a slowly-descending terror, the sort that comes from insights on one's own current moment and feelings of inevitable catastrophe or doom, and the inability to escape or change its course.

For example:

a new bump or nodule felt under the skin while bathing can cause a nervous twinge in the back of my mind, like; what will this develop into? Then, after such a discovery, my logical course of action is to get out the anti-inflammatory ointments and the antibiotic creams and immediately apply them to the area(s) of the suspect lump(s).

I already use hibicleanse as body wash everytime I shower. #Hibicleanse kills normal #bacteria and #microbes on the skin, like #staph, #strep, #candida (yeast). To the average person with a healthy immune system, these microbes on small, balanced amounts don't trigger a response to go to 'war' from the #immuneSystem. My immune system however, is distrustful of whatever is on my skin, to the point that even the very texture of clothing can set it off, and my skin develops nodules-- not on the surface like #acne, which is usually a reaction to what's in the pore, oil glands, etc, but rather, a pocket of fluid forms in the nodule, sort of like a blister, almost, and it turns to pus (note: acne is plenty awful on its own-- I do NOT want to minimize that condition, my own brother had it awful).

It's also important to note that for every one with HS there can be different completely factors and triggers for each person, some being hormonal only, some environmental, or diet only or a combination of factors, including lifestyle, and what are considered #comorbid conditions and diseases that intersect with HS and or make it worse.

For me personally, it's a combination of environmental toxins, food and allergies and unregulated blood glucose levels, that and GI disease and Elhers Danslos Syndrome ( #EDS) and #POTS. Some of these intersect with #Autism and the nervous system which also are things that affect me and the severity of my conditions.

So, back to the HS infection risk--
Remember how I wrote that I must wash with hibicleanse all over my body?

Well, if I don't get rid of most of my skin surface microbes, the microbes could infect and culture the fluid-filled nodules and could develop (but not always in some people) a serious infection. This is where the slowly descending terror factors in. Once the process of infection starts, it's already in its path, and there are sometimes very limited ways to act, and every option puts me at the mercy of the medical system and the home environment I live in. Mobility disabilities and developmental disabilities complicate this all, because it takes much executive functioning to keep on top of skin care AND taking a bunch of pills that require different times and procedures.

I might edit this later, but I have to go an eat.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far

#CDC numbers - despite reporting no longer being required from hospitals, Iowa not reporting, shows hospital admissions for #covid to be a bit higher now than this time last year/2022, higher than June 2021.

In other words, COVID IS NOT OVER in the United States.

And with Arcturus running through other countries, obviously not elsewhere, either.

Sociopaths, closeted eugenicists, and the sheer ignorant eagerly wring than hands in anticipation for #Biden to announce "it's over!" on May 11.

The ostensible excuse, for those of the partially coherent minded, is the proverbial "but what about the economy, man!!?" - but

Mysterious supply shortages are constantly happening;

Businesses are repeatedly short handed;

People are complaining of getting ill with "not covid", incessantly;

1,400+ dying every week in the U.S. of #covid. Which doesn't count the "not covid" fratercide not counted of the #comorbid, #longcovid deaths ascribed to a symptom.

On and on. But the "economy" angle is obviously nonsense - everyday we see "invisible" problems with business, in delivery problems, supply chain problems, mistakes, long standing businesses going bankrupt.

In my own business - I'm turning away almost all of my leads because of the person insisting they must take guitar lessons literally in front of me, instead of online. 30 years going away, because everyone is pretending a pandemic isn't happening, and that there is no after effects to being infected with covid.

Despite ample studies showing otherwise. I know people that are getting sick routinely; and people that aren't quite what they were cognitively, as they were a year ago.

.... and I know 10 fold more people that have heart problems, or have died of heart problems, the past 3 years than in my life. I'm not even sure if I knew of anyone with heart problems before 2020? Covid is proven to destroy cardiac tissue; but it's as if no doctors acknowledge its existence, the fact that this is true and almost everyone has been infected?

Insanity around the edges of society, infrastructure eroding, a slow motion apocalypse. My imposed hermit status remains, despite reality folding outwards into a flat plane of blithering apathy. People were not as smart as I thought they were overall, and empathy is actually a rarity.

#Ihatethe21stcentury

I'm just going to throw this out there...

I see that Michael Osterholm has suddenly decided to take a #GreatBarringtonDeclaration #GBD position of #letitrip #covid is mild.

He's actually suggesting it's "a cold" and looks forward to when everybody gets it twice a year, because it's so mild.

Which is insane. I'd suggest it's also a tell for sociopathy.

Because he knows #longcovid is real, that there isn't a "mild" infection when it's wrecking your immune system, damaging organs.

Which leads to another point.

I just remembered, long ago in my more "conspiracy" minded days, I went on a tear reading obscure news, science articles from the 1920s-30s, pre WWII.

I initially was interested in seeing for myself the extent of the relationship to the Nazis of the Bush family, but it led me on a tangent into eugenics.

I'm going to make the unsubstantiated claim that:

1) eugenics was an open, and popular topic among science circles at this time and

2) much of the public face of eugenics has been expunged.

Combined with my "funny" theory that #sociopaths make up a much larger portion of the population than we're led to believe, I'm going to suggest that "let it rip" , #GBD, and other blatant positions that ignore the impact of #covid on the #Poors, #elderly, #comorbid are in fact -

a sociopath group-mind think regarding the "pragmatic" advantages to an era of "natural eugenics".

If this were 1928, I believe the tone these scientists take would be more blatant, and telling. There is no reason not to think that the same attitude among the sociopaths/NPD population isn't occurring now - except they have to be more surreptitious about it.

*These scenarios, these positions, are not "accidents", or "ignorance"*.

When an epidemiologist ignores the health implications of a pandemic, he knows exactly what he's saying. As does a virologist that insist that people don't need to wear a mask, etc. etc.

They're voluntarily participating in #eugenics lite. To their perspective it's simply logical: only the infirm will be eliminated, and it's harmful to the economy to try to rectify that - and eventually the breed will be stronger.

I wish I didn't think this; but you've got to consider the cognitive dissonance you experience when this cadre of covid #minimizers says things that are contradictory to what they've previously said.

The sociopath *does not care*. The Narcissist *does not care* if you find them to be lying. It makes no difference to them. That doesn't mean they're not *reasoning*; but reason without empathy and humane consideration leads to eugenics.

I hope I'm being hyperbolic in my jadedness. But I think we need to be more jaded in this respect, and that these people need to be regarded as neo #eugenicists.

/ Frakking frak, I'm just a guitar teacher that wants to get back to just having my head in the clouds about music and art. This is stifling. Maybe I'm being too negative....?

// $.10

"Are you giving #guitar lessons face to face now?"

I get asked this in txt just about every week from what would have been prospective customers, and from students taking lessons online.

My answer is the same as it's been for almost 3 years now:

The #covid #epidemic took off when a critical point was reached - that appeared to be about 10,000 infections. Given that you can go 14 days asymptomatic (ignoring the retro-causality violation of the #CDC's revised "convenience guidelines) *my* metric for a safe reopening is when the rate drops to 10,000 a day, and stays there for 28+.

I know my reasoning has created a woosh effect for many, so:

1) More than 28 days, because someone infected on day 2 of an initial 14 days won't change the statistics at 14 days. *You don't know if the rate is constant until at least double the asymptomatic duration. It makes no sense for me to gear up reopening my brick-and-mortar business if it turns out at day 16-17 the rate is going back up.

2) .... yes, 14 days asymptomatic. I don't care if you can cite a *particular* cherry picked variant shows other behavior: even if you believe that to be representational of "all variants", *you don't - you *can't* - have current data on newly emerging #variants*. 14 days is what used to be called a "prudent number".

3) .... no, I don't care what the CDC says. They're obviously politicized. My reasoning is sound.

4) I am, for better or worse, going off of CDC numbers. I am taking them with a grain of salt, since "for some reason" #HHS changed the reporting requirements back in January, and CDC change theirs July 4. Again, it is only prudent to presume the real infection rate is much, much higher than what the CDC reports*.

5) I am tempering this with CDC waste water data, which leads (...used to, back when the CDC listed a daily infection rate...) the infection rate data.

6) I am also tempering it all with another observational metric of N=~30: my #Guitar students.

*It makes no sense for me to resume face to face lessons when I have a student out with covid every other week!*

* If I'm sitting in a room, sharing air with someone for 30 minutes, there is zero chance I'm not going to get covid over and over, as well as transmit it to others. It's irresponsible and stupid.

7) I don't care how mainstream "thought" cares to typify the pandemic. I've read dozens of papers in the past years, skimmed *hundreds* of studies, watched dozens of lectures by virologists, epidemiologists, others. Without presenting any evidence - because I'm just a peasant - I believe:

- Every time you're infected you are risking a possibly severe episode;
- Every time you're infected you are most likely suffering some sort of organ damage, that is "invisible";
- CD4 T-cell destruction is real
- #Longcovid is real, and appears to be a certain risk for 1 in 5 - mild, #comorbid or not.

Another way of looking at it, get covid 5+ times and your chances are "quite good" of having long covid. As it is, I know quite a few people that have tested positive 3 times, some 4 times. With the attitude of #letitrip, it's #mild, "most people" will be infected 5 times and more.

This is completely insanity.

So no, I don't care how "mild" you think it is, or that you had it and it was "just like a cold", or "a friend got over it in a week" - I believe in my Peasant Medical Education over the past years more than your anecdotal interpretation of what you think you've seen.

I haven't had a full schedule in a long time now, and money is tight. I'm effectively turning away business because here in the #Southeast United States the #propaganda has been ladled on pretty heavily, most people don't wear masks, and a lot literally don't believe covid is real. So I'm an outcast.

It's my belief we are now in an endless cycle that will see surges in April (post #SpringBreak) July (post July 4), and post #Holidays in January. Waste water data shows people are obviously carriers days before that.

I claim there will be another surge in January. I hope the waste water data shows it being lower than this year; I'm afraid it could be higher. Regardless, *unless there is no surge in January NOTHING HAS CHANGED*.

NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

The old and weak have been killed in the past years. Covid is not going to have the Shock and Awe that it had in 2020. Right now it should be shocking and awing parents, but I've also learned sociopathy is more prevalent than I thought...

NOTHING HAS CHANGED. Except one thing....:

Twitter. Again, I hope the migration here - or even anywhere else, will change people's attitude through the January surge. The pandemic would be much better had certain people, bots, not had Twitter as a disinformation platform.

Regardless, I'm looking for it to drop to ~10,000 infections a day. You should be, too.

#guitarlessons
#Pandemic
#booster
#masks
#distancing