Intro: #writer #VisualArtist #patamystic

#editor of #ExistOtherwise #LitJournal

#editor of #FrightenTheHorses Lit Journal

#muse is #ClaudeCahun

#MaleSurvivor #CSASurvivor

Fond of #ExperimentalWriting #poetry #haiku #essay #scripts #flash #CNF #photography esp. #BlackAndWhite

Banner is a white background with partial fragments of large black letters

Avatar is a ghostly headshot photo of a bald male with Butoh white makeup. The eyes contain no pupils.

I remember
the afternoons
long baths
the kisses, your tongue
your touch all over me
mom’s cocoa butter
first your fingers
then your thickness
all in me
my fear
and trembling
your pleasure
and release
in my mouth
or between my legs
the frequent bedwetting
and stuttering

Years have passed
I didn’t feel hurt then
but I do now
so broken and lost
seeking love
I recreate the trauma
getting turned on
then usual shame, guilt
and more need for love
I need to stop
but don't know how...

#csa #csasurvivor

I mostly think about the neighbor who groomed me with fondness. He spent a lot of time with me playing, taking me out for ice cream, McDonalds, bringing me lollipops, toys, etc. And even when he was doing the unmentionable, he was very gentle with me, always making sure I was not uncomfortable or hurting. I know he was a monster who abused me, “sold” me and was ultimately responsible for wrecking my life but he showed me love even though it was fake. #csa #csasurvivor

I had one unavailable dad but many available daddies. #csa #csasurvivor #daddyissues

I wanted to play with toys but instead became a fuck toy for older men. #csa #csasurvivor

One of the worst aspects of #cptsd and #trauma for me is the vicious cycle of feeling unloved, thinking about my abuse, getting turned on by it, guilt, feelings of shame, feeling unloved, rinse and repeat. #csa #csasurvivor

Please bear with me while I share stories from my past on here. I have no one else to tell these to. #mastodon #new #queer #lgbt #bisexual #bi #nonbinary #trans #cd #cptsd #csa #csasurvivor #neurodivergent #adhd #stutter #stuttering #poc #love

#Introduction I seem to write these too often, but here we go again…

Hi my name is River and I’m a 36 year old #trans woman,
My pronouns are She/Her They/Them,
I began to #transition 24 months ago (HRT for 12 months)

I’am #Bi / #Pan depending on how you define it (Personality is key, but I have the right hormones now so I sometimes have “needs”)

I’m radical about #TransRights , I’m a #QueerAnarchist , and I describe myself as a social liberationist because #TransLiberation is also liberation for all, for when one person does not have #bodilyautonomy no one does.

I am strongly #antifacist this includes terfs incase this confuses them, you can’t be a #feminist and take sides with the patriarchy!

I’m a #Vegan for animal rights/ecology, and I love to cook.

I am an avid reader and watcher of #SciFi , I like most things but have a leaning to Utopianism over Dystopian fiction, the world mirrors the worst corporate nightmares as it is. Escapism does not always have to be as dark.

I sometimes struggle with my #MentalHealth ; I suffer from an #anxiety disorder, as well as #cPTSD , and I’m a #CSASurvivor .

I have a #ChronicPain condition from a slight spinal stenosis (L4-L5) This sometimes can limit my mobility.

So this is me and I have begun to take some time just for myself; to explore my identity, I spent too long pretending to be someone I could never have been and who I really did not want to be.
So I am excited for where this journey will take me, and I look forward to sharing my experiences with you all.

So if this seems not to be the most boring thing in the world to witness my second adolescence, then feel free to follow me, or boost anything I might say of value.

I've started responding to "You don't look like you're old enough to have an 18 year old!" with "I'm not. Lol!" instead of the usual awkward nonsense.

#CSAsurvivor

I sometimes struggle with #mentalhealth, I suffer from an #anxiety disorder, as well as #cPTSD, I’m a #CSASurvivor (CW, I will occasionally discuss this but it will be marked)
I have #chronicpain from a slight spinal stenosis (L4-L5) This sometimes limits my mobility.
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