Why I'm #SoPo and date as un-heteronormatively as I can. (Shout out to the Joyfriends+ Heaux I spend time with.)

Because *who* has time to be a Feminist Studies tutor for her partner at this stage? Not me.

Yesterday I told a girlfriend that at 53 I'm basically dating myself and shenanigans-ing who I want, when I want, if I want.

I've got a drivers license to get and a passport to renew. Nobody has time for comp het nonsense.

#FLR #FeministPoly #ENM #DatingInTheBay #LadyBachelorWithADog

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8dMGhDx/

Update: unlike a rom com, clear communication has saved the day. No silly 'misunderstandings' on my watch.

He feels abashed for his dramatic message and we both feel good that we, indeed, want to see each other again.

#ENM
#DatingInTheBay
#FeministPoly

Him: You should come to my house next time.
Me: How many pillows do you have on your bed?
Him: 2
Me: How is that even comfortable.
Him: They're flat, too.
Me: Are you a Spartan? 2 pillows, 1 spoon, no towels, half a bowl...
Him: That's a good way to put it. I have a stove I haven't connected. My bed is a futon. I have a microwave, though.
Me: 🤔😑😒

I have six robust pillows on my bed. 7 if you count the really fluffy decorative square satin pillow. Pillows are life.

#DatingInTheBay
#BringYourOwnPillowsAndTowels

#Shenanigans are the best.
You wake up the next morning all energized and undaunted by your work calendar.
You pay your bills, walk and feed your dog, make coffee, do a little journaling.

I wish everyone shenanigans. Good, satisfying, fun uncomplicated get your groove back blow your back out shenanigans.

Happy Monday, y'all.

#ENM #DatingInTheBay #MiddleAgedHotness #BackBlown #GenX #GetIt

Oh and how'd the date go?

Great manners, interacted with the dog, brought flowers. We had good physical chemistry. Pheromones, man.

I mean, I feel dead inside, but maybe that's just gas.

#DatingInTheBay #LadyBachelor

I don't know what was in my Wheaties today but I got a LOT done!!

I was productive as hell, wiping out stuff that had malingered on my task list for over a month. I guess I finally had the mental fortitude to send those emails.

My offramp from Boss Lady mode to Lady Bachelor mode includes faking a dinner date at my place. There is NO way I'm cooking for anyone.

But arrange food artfully in pretty dishes? Totally.

I can do that.

#sfba #oakland #DatingInTheBay
#LadyBachelor

My Ursula the Sea Witch/Hannibal profile inexplicably received 6 responses from clueless (or catfish) folks.

When I asked if they actually *read* the profile, 1 said 'it was complicated.' Another just said he's looking for his one true love (so no, he didn't read it), and another just said he thought i was beautiful (Thanks but irrelevant).

Ursula rejects all of this nonsense.

#DatingInTheBay
#MiddleAgedHotness
#LadyBachelor

I have made my profile on the App so hostile to the male gaze it's like looking at a Gorgon.

Instead of freaking out and rushing to dial it back, however, I'm letting it stand. Because that Gorgon is an unmediated reflection of me. (Haha see what I did there.)

It has made me see all the tiny subtle ways I've made myself amenable to men *in the past.* Hmph. No more of that.

Dating profiles are little performances. But this dance is all jarring notes and unbeautiful movement. It's an open palm slap.

How many metaphors can I shove into one toot.

#DatingInTheBay
#MiddleAgedHotness
#NoReallyItsAHotFlash

Elements of a good date night:
They arrive on time
There is clear communication
Conversation flows
Dinner is delicious and cozy
Dessert is equally cozy and yummy
The world conspires to show you both to advantage
Consent and boundaries respected

You get home early to hug your dog.

#DatingInTheBay
#LadyBachelorWithADog

While scrolling through profiles the other night, I saw the figurehead of a very prominent lefty politics platform on the App.

That was a peek behind the curtain I didn't need. But also 'splained some things.

#DatingInTheBay #ShenanigansNope

There's a guy on The App who matched and I feel I should know him....

Like, from an 80's Band. I think he's leaving clues in his photos. But since I'm musically illiterate I have no clue.

I desperately want to ping him and ask: Um, are you someone? But that's rude.

His eyeglass game is tight, though.

#DatingInTheBay
#LadyBachelor

Him: Your princess leia buns were driving me nuts over dinner. So damn cute.

Me: You literally scooted your stool *away* from me!

Him: I felt like jumping all over you.

Me: Decorum is good.

Good manners & restraint are 🔥.

#DatingInTheBay
#LadyBachelor
#shenanigans
#ItsTheQuietNerdyOnes

I haven't had a truly chill date like that in a while:

Meet up for a couple of stouts and snacks.

Have great conversation.

Cross the street to grab a slice and eat it standing up on the sidewalk while half of Oakland passes by.

Inhale the smell of weed.

He drives you home in his rickety Lawrence of Arabia Land Rover from 1971.

A good solid hug on the sidewalk.

Him: Crack me open like an oyster, please.

A good time was had by all.

#LadyBachelor
#DatingInTheBay
#ThisIs53

Lacan says desire is lack.

The perfect moment on a date is the bubble of time waiting for the other person to arrive.

#LadyBachelor
#DatingInTheBay

Me: [to bestie] So I'm meeting this guy for dinner in SF tonight. [Sending his photo]. His name is X . He's a divorced dad of [kids]. He lives in the [place]. We're meeting at [place]. If he chops me up avenge me.

Her: Avenge you actually or spiritually?

Me: I would prefer actually but spiritually would do.

Her: Have fun!
Me: I hope I survive! He has tattoos!

This is every text exchange any woman sends to her besties before a date.

#DatingInTheBay
#LadyBachelor
#SafetyIGuess

A dinner date in a few hours presents the unique challenge of dressing for a date in SF:

OOH, you want to look yummy.
OTOH, you have to be prepared for Mad Max Thunderdome.

#DatingInTheBay
#LadyBachelor
#SanFranciscoAtNight