One of my most upsetting #ChronicIllness / #ChronicPain symptoms has returned this week after a few tears hiatus: unexplained acute abdominal pain triggered by any force running through my abdomen or change in pressure there (eg, standing up, walking, pooping, sexual arousal, any type of cardio, bending/crouching, lifting anything over about 5kg, etc.) Which as you can imagine is quite disabling. Thus far it's relatively mild (peaks of about 7/10 pain as opposed to the 9/10 pain it can be) and fades within 10 minutes of sitting still comfortably or laying down.

- I suspect this symptom is from endometriosis and PCOS related, though possibly influenced/exacerbated by hEDS - I've had PCOS confirmed by an ultrasound tech, but still seeking dx since the GP I saw at the time refused to label it beyond 'painful periods' and still investigating for hypermobility condition and pelvic inflammatory condition after 15 years of begging drs for answers - finally have a supportive pain specialist and a new GP as of two weeks ago! Doing an overview of each of my suspected conditions with a diagnosis/treatment plan for each next week which is the most hope I've ever had about the process. -

Anyway, its the first time this symptom has arisen since I accepted that I have PTSD, and it's confronting to realise that the sensation of this specific type of pain is actually a trigger. It triggers stuff around the gaslighting/medical sexism/neglect I went through when it first started in puberty, as well as the abuse I suffered in connection with the symptoms due to school sports, but also dysphoria.

I've had to miss out on work this week, and stop going to the gym, both things I've recently started that feel like triumphs as they show how hard I've tried to increase my capacity and improve my life and health and wellbeing. I feel completely betrayed by my body, and like it's not possible for me to make real progress in my life because something will always get worse. I'm so exhausted. I want these horribly defective, painful organs that poison me with hormones that make me anxious and emotional to finally be removed and incinerated once and for all. And I am very nervous about what it'll cost to get that done. I can't help but wonder whether somehow this highly distressing symptom has come back now if all times so that I re-prioritise the various conditions with my new doctor to potentially fast track the gynocological and hormonal care I will need to eventually get the surgery I want for gender reasons as well as disabling chronic illness reasons?? #hypermobility #dysphoria #NEISvoid #PCOS #DisabledResillience #DisabledQueer