@kevinhearne I thought you meant the #elkmasturbation and I googled it and now I'm going to get the strangest ads. I'm still figuring out how replies work.

@chuckwendig Your toot is currently the only result for #elkmasturbation on Mastodon. You have so much work to do here.

Some quick facts about me:
- I am a #writer of #books
- I dispense dubious #writingadvice
- I also dispense #bees out of my faceholes
- donuts filled with stuff or GTFO
- I run the blog #terribleminds
- I killed a man in Reno for his #netflixpassword
- I hear ducks
- I ruined #StarWars
- my latest book features a short treatise on #elkmasturbation
- tonight my 6-year-old said that to escape bad guys he would PEEL OFF HIS SKIN so that he LOOKED HUMAN the he'd EAT THEM holy shit what the fuck