maybe falling through the cracks of the mostly non-existent "social safety net" was actually my escape route

#nosafetynet
#fallingthroughthecracks
#escapefromsociety
#antiwork
#lifeintheinterstices

i work very hard. i just don't have a job
#homecareworkers
#domesticlabor
#emotionallabor

“Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers.” ― Richard Bach, Illusions

"Boundaries and Beliefs - Be Better" new blog post:
https://livingtheemersonrule.com/boundaries-and-beliefs-be-better/

#boundaries #beliefs #emotionallabor #rosehackman #empathy #awareness #learning #amwriting

This book makes all the sense in the world. I had no idea there was an exact name for this phenomenon. #emotionallabor #nonfiction #feminism #psychology #books #audiobooks

What I regularly notice - with a kind of sadness - is that I cannot be happy for anyone - especially cisgender and heterosexual people - getting married and / or having kids (anymore).

I can only see the distress - e.g. due to unequal distribution of #mentalload, of #carework, the fight for keeping one’s autonomy, the reduced resources for self-care and wage work, the #emotionallabor required to raise #children.

To the best of my knowledge, the only 2 things I have ever done were (1) not staying in #SouthCarolina and (2) making an affirmative choice not to be the only one doing #emotionallabor.

Related to 2, I have also made the choice not to initiate engagements with one family member who is a chronic abuser. Maybe they're blaming me for that?

To be clear, I wasn't kidding about being happy. I find their antics deeply sad, but I'm great.

Dear “Joe”,

I am not Google. I am not your unpaid intern. I am not your personal assistant.

If you want to know something, look it up YOURSELF.

Texting me questions doesn’t count as “research”.

#EmotionalLabor

So every time I bring up a simple every day instance or case of global institutional misogyny and how it effects me, my boyfriend either has to argue until we stop talking about it, outright doesn't want to talk about it, or has to bring up something right then that he experienced that's traumatic to shift focus to him and I'm not sure how to explain to him how to give another person emotional space. Any ideas? Because it's literally every single time.

#sexism #relationships #emotionallabor

Women with male partners, does he contribute equally at home? To be specific, does he contribute to household chores without being told or asked? #weaponizedincompetence #emotionallabor #childcare

#RedFlag: She's surprised, dumbfounded, incredulous upon learning that men are actual human beings with feelings that can be hurt, too.

Then, when the #CognitiveDissonance kicks in, becomes argumentative and dismissive using "patriarchal oppression" to justify dehumanizing half the world's population. Why? Because #EmotionalReasoning, #BPDLogic, #NPDLogic, #GenderStudies #WordSalad, a woman's feelings are more important than a man's feelings, #EmotionalLabor bullshit.

If the woman is a therapist, this is 1000x scarier. Especially if you're seeing her in a professional capacity.

#AbuseHasNoGender #BPD #NPD #HPD #histrionic #narcissist #borderline

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/187245.The_State_of_Sex
Nearing the end of my current book on Sex Work in Nevada. It once again brings to the fore the nature of our society to deprive people of platonic touch and intimacy that they'd pay someone to 'hold space' and touch their skin and would pay more than minimum wages for it for less than 1 hour. This transaction may or may not include actual sex acts. The book reasons the legality of sex work in Nevada reduces the amount of violence and risk it has as it has the support of local police (in comparison to various illegal forms of sex work) and IRS. I don't think anyone is 'owed' this privilege but if it was more available, society would have less violence. The book mentions different types of workers, one being more 'holistic' who includes physical and emotional labor as part of what they provide and might include some mission to provide emotional healing for people (vs people who are more focused on physical release). It's noteworthy, in the capitalist sense, that emotional labor is not part of the 'menu' of what people pay for (as per typical notions of the uncompensated cost that is seen in society).
#Bookstodon #bookreview #sexwork #nevada #emotionallabor #loneliness

#EmotionalLabor isn't the melodramatic self-imposed martyrdom many #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic or #ClusterB variety pack partners and/or parents inflict upon themselves and their families.

Based upon the social media misuse of the term, "emotional labor" is what these individuals "suffer" during the holidays, special occasions and daily life when reality fails to meet their unreasonable and irrationally high expectations for a picture perfect life. An #Instagram #Influencer life in which everyone and everything magically falls into place to aggrandize their public image, #FalseSelf and grossly inflated sense of worth.

Nor is emotional labor the irritation, resentment, contempt and anger the #NPD, #BPD, #HPD person feels when their partners and kids fail to appreciate, worship and submit to their unrealistic expectations (e.g., #MindReading), BS martyrdom, #CovertContracts and other forms of #EmotionalManipulation.

Emotional labor (in its original application) is the act of managing one’s emotions in the workplace. “More specifically, workers are expected to regulate their emotions during interactions with customers, co-workers and superiors. This includes analysis and decision making in terms of the expression of emotion, whether actually felt or not, as well as its opposite: the suppression of emotions that are felt but not expressed” (Arlie Hothschild, 1983).

In 2017, a few intrepid gender studies instructors and bloggers (including Gemma Hartley) co-opted the term emotional labor to mean something it doesn’t mean. The term is now yet another way for a subset of privileged women with, shall we say, certain characterological issues to claim “oppression” at the hands of their ungrateful husbands and equally ungrateful children.

Since Hartley’s groundbreaking 2017 diary of an oppressed stay-at-home #mommyblogger, "Women Aren’t Nags — We’re Just Fed Up: Emotional Labor is the Unpaid Job Men Still Don’t Understand," other similarly-afflicted women have glommed onto her viral misappropriation. Lo and behold, an alternate usage section was added to the Wiki page in 2020. Thus, not really legitimizing Gemma’s misuse of the term after the fact.

To be fair, enduring (without snapping) the egregious #VictimPlaying and #abuse by NPD/BPD family members this time of year is unpaid is a lotta work!

On a separate note, let's discuss #MatchingPajamas. When I see these photos, I immediately assume -- correctly or incorrectly -- NPD mom/wife. I know this isn't true in some cases.

Nevertheless, anyone dating a single mom who wants to dress you in matching jammies (especially when in never-ending custody disputes with the kids' actual father/other mother) -- just run. RUN. Jump in your magic sleigh and haul reindeer ass.

#AbuseHasNoGender #NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas #SelfCare

@a_aphelion It makes me wonder about people's different need for personal space vs. trust vs. use of different comms. Do they do voicemail and live calls more, so maybe see no future when they would want a separate personal address? Do they do the emotional labor of family social calendar so other parent or partner is really detached or assumed plus-one? Fascinating. #EmotionalLabor
#Email #Boundaries

@Genen #EmotionalLabor 😅

#EmotionalLabor, #GuardLabor, #HopeLabor. I know there are others. Has someone compiled a list?

This is emotional labor. 🤨 Especially when you have adhd.

#adhd #EmotionalLabor

My Little Pony: When “Friendship” Is Toxic

According to the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic diagnostic inventory for evaluating cartoon-triggered sociopathy, I am a monster. 

There’s no hyperlink to this aforementioned inventory because it doesn’t exist. (You can find some scholarship about the difficulty of

http://lunastationquarterly.com/my-little-pony-when-friendship-is-toxic/

#children #emotionallabor #friendship #MyLittlePony #redemption #television #toxicpositivity

Finally!

#boundaries #thegivingtree #emotionallabor

Really great piece by @sarahjeong about how #Facebook binds us through the automation of #EmotionalLabor:

"It’s hard to pin down what Facebook is because the platform replaces labor that was previously invisible. We have a hard time figuring out what Facebook actually is because we have a hard time admitting that at least part of what it supplanted is emotional labor — hard and valuable work that no one wants to admit was work to begin with."

https://www.theverge.com/2018/4/28/17293056/facebook-deletefacebook-social-network-monopoly #deletefacebook