Divorcing a #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic can be even more exhausting, #toxic and #CrazyMaking than being married to/dating them. Many clients (and their #FamilyLaw #attorneys) fall into the trap of playing perpetual defense. In other words, going from #drama to drama, #crisis to crisis, pathological lie to pathological lie and #FalseAllegation of abuse to false allegation of abuse. Instead of having a strategy to get the best custody arrangement and financial settlement possible, you end up operating in a near constant state of #CrisisManagement.

THIS IS NOT EFFECTIVE LAWYERING. It is, however, lucrative lawyering.

If your attorney can’t/won't articulate a clear strategy to get you and the kids a good outcome and to proverbially “declaw/defang” the #CrazyEx it’s a problem. I never cease to be amazed how many clients’ attorneys haven’t explained their strategy. A strategy beyond, “Keep generating fees until your money runs out,” that is.

In order to facilitate this, it’s important to diligently document all the nonsense and bullshit — especially its impact on the kids. #ABR (#AlwaysBeRecording) and #ABD (#AlwaysBeDocumenting). Then, you need an attorney who will actually look at and listen to your documentation and knows how to implement it in a way that, again, gets you and the kids the best outcome possible.

#AbuseHasNoGender

Prosecuting #FalseAccusers and other opportunistic perjurers doesn’t discourage real victims from coming forward to report #abuse and #SexualAssault. It discourages and disincentivizes other malicious liars and forms of #Crazy (e.g., #NPD, #BPD, #HPD and #ClusterB variety pack individuals).

The really crazy ones (i.e., entitled to the point of being delusional, pathologically #grandiose and believers of their own bullshit/not-a-victim victimhood) will still falsely accuse even after having their lies disproven (see #AmberHeard).

All persons who make #FalseAllegation should be forever flagged in law enforcement and court databases. They should also be required to prove their claims with tangible evidence before ex parte restraining orders and arrests can be made.

The real victims of #FalseAllegations are the #FalselyAccused. Not the characterologically disturbed (people with bad character) and pathological liars who falsely report abuse for attention, revenge, money, celebrity and other kinds of personal gain.

Consequences matter.

#AbuseHasNoGender #MenToo #narcissist #borderline #histrionic

Giving a #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic or #psychopath a second chance to "be better" after they've consistently abused you without remorse isn’t evidence of your forgiving nature. It’s evidence of your #codependency and likely unresolved #ChildhoodWounds.

There’s no going back to #lovebombing land. It was a con job (and probably included lots and lots of your other favorite “jobs.”) That person is never coming back because she/he never existed in the first place.

In reality, you're giving the #NPD/ #BPD/ #HPD is another chance to break you down more than they already have to the point you no longer have the will to leave. Or another chance to create another hostage -- I mean child. Or a chance to set you up with a #FalseAllegation of #DomesticViolence to punish you for “abandoning”/rejecting them.

Instead of being be excited by the lie that “things will be better,” be insulted.

They're insulting your intelligence. Again, this is a #CONJOB. I know it's tempting to believe things can go back to the way it was before they took off the mask. But that's the thing. The abusive monster is the reality. The adoring love bomber is the mask.

Or, you can give it a try.

But don't be surprised if they become even nastier, more controlling and blame shiftier than they were before. YOU were going to LEAVE THEM. How are THEY supposed to TRUST YOU now!?!

You're going to have to prove your commitment to them all over again. How?

While the NPD/BPD/HPD is usually short on details for how you can accomplish this, the shit they'll expect you to swallow/do to prove your devotion to them is endless.As in, it’s mission impossible.

This is one of the biggest classic mindf-cks NPD/BPD/HPDs perpetrate. You agonize over ending the relationship because of how horribly they treat you. Then they flip it around. Don't take the bait!

#AbuseHasNoGender #MenToo