Highly recommended now on ITV: https://www.itv.com/presscentre/ep1weekweek-27-2023-sat-01-jul-fri-07-jul/ellie-simmonds-my-secret-family

#EllieSimmonds #adoption #adoptees #reunion #disability #relinquishment #adopteerights #firstfamily #familyoforigin

After the #LoveBombing stage, many clients settle for crumbs of affection in their relationship with a #NPD, #BPD, #HPD partner because that’s what they subsisted on in their #FamilyOfOrigin as kids. The unloved child within
holds onto the crap relationship out of fear of “losing love.” Or rather, what little love they can #PeoplePlease from a self-absorbed, selfish unfit parent and, as an adult, partner.

You’re not losing love, though. That's the lie of #abuse. In reality,
you’re ending a relationship with someone who’s incapable of love.

If you don't know how to love yourself, begin by respecting yourself. Respect your grown self and hurting younger versions of yourself enough to walk away from people who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. A #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic partner is no more capable of love than a similarly #ClusterB #PersonalityDisorder parent.

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

Shout out to everyone navigating challenging family dynamics this weekend. Take a breath. You got this. They are doing the best they know how to do. You aren’t doomed to your origin story. It might seem impossible, but you can craft an authentic life for yourself. Yes, really. #HolidayStress #FamilyDynamics #BreakTheCycle #FamilyOfOrigin #Breath #Patience #Healing #Love #YouGotThis

Is it possible to love somebody without being on board with all their decisions? I grew up being told it was emphatically a yes.

But is it possible to *feel* loved by someone when you know they're against your decisions?
Now that I find myself on the latter side more often, I'm not so sure.

#exmormon
#exchristian
#love
#family #FamilyOfOrigin
#support
#therapy
#discussion
#deconstruction

#Narcissists, #borderlines, #histrionics and other #toxicpeople flare up (like a bad case of hemorrhoids) more than their usual #drama and #fucknuttery during #Christmas, #Hanukkah, other holidays and special events. If your #FamilyOfOrigin has more than one #Crazy from the #ClusterB variety pack, you've probably come to dread the holiday season.

In numerous articles and videos, I’ve discussed how to survive the holidays with a #NPD/ #BPD spouse or ex with whom you share children. But what if the Crazy is your mom, dad, sister, brother or grandparent, etc? 

Are you EXPECTED to travel and pay homage to the Uber Golden Uterus Alles? Bend the knee to Narcaholic Dad? Soothe the savagely childish breast of your #BPD sister’s attention-seeking, holiday wrecking tantrums?

The key word is: EXPECTED. You’re an adult now. Have you ever considered that #NPD/BPD/ #HPD mom, dad, grandma, cousin, sister, brother, etc., can expect in one hand, #AdultTantrum in the other and see which one fills up first? ; )

Why do you visit? Why do you go? #fear, #obligation, #guilt (#FOG)? Financial dependence? #ApprovalSeeking in vain? #PeoplePleasing? In other words, what do YOU get out of it by visiting vs. not visiting?

Are your reasons healthy? Or do they perpetuate your #woundedchild #codependency? If no matter what you do is good enough, why not do what’s good for you and ignore the tantrums, caterwauling, #blame, guilt and #shame tactics instead?

Also, if #NORAD can track Santa, why can't they develop a #FlyingMonkey tracker? Just a suggestion, NORAD.