ANYWAY SO, all of that and then also I have to be *loudly wrong,* when my trauma says "be quietly perfect."

I am paying this woman to make mistakes loudly in her face.

It is uncomfortable.

(Growth is uncomfortable.)

She has advised we'll be doing "primal sound" exercises next class.

😭

#FindingMyVoice

I've been putting more time into singing lately, getting more confident about making noise without fear of retribution.

Of course there's tech: phone as piano, Hz detector and voice recorder, laptop shifting songs up and down to suit my range.

(Fun fact: I sing lower than Melissa Etheridge.)

It's discouraging to hear the playback. In my head I sound a lot better, more confident and precise. But: practice should help. And: sometimes noticing bad means I've developed some good.

#FindingMyVoice

I had my second singing lesson today.

I think it's having the desired physical and psychological effects: strengthening muscles that atrophied during the pandemic, building the habit of making noise.

She keeps encouraging me to be louder. I explained today that I'm trying but this is a thing I've been punished for.

I worried I was trauma-dumping -- small talk had already forced me to explain I'm on leave, trying to build healthier habits -- but she just said "interesting!" 👍

#FindingMyVoice

I had a phone call with a law firm today, about what I consider some significant mistreatment that should be (1) made whole and (2) prevented from happening again.

Apparently I have been underestimating how thoroughly the legal system refuses to acknowledge the lived experience of its subjects. It seems there are an awful lot of "you should have"s in the applicable jurisprudence, "you should have"s that are nearly impossible under actual lived circumstances. Legal fictions.

I, too, "should have," legally. But I couldn't, actually. So.

It is good to know that I would likely be wasting my time, verdict-wise.

But, from an authenticity perspective, screaming loudly and legally about my lived experience in the hopes that one time someone in power will listen and *actually help* make things better sounds like a good use of my time.

#FindingMyVoice

(I apologize for the cheesy hashtag but the search function is useless.)

This instance of Mastodon is where I may actually feel comfortable posting. Or not.

🤔 #findingmyvoice

Find your voice.

I keep on coming across that advice. Since I barely had any social media activity in the last two years except messaging family and friends, I'm still finding the courage to post anything at all on here. I'm happy for whatever Mastodon is, but so far I've been content to just explore and interact with interesting posts I come across.

How are you using Mastodon?

Do you like it better than centralized platforms?

Any wishes for changes/improvements?

#findingmyvoice #newuser

"Find your voice"

I keep on coming across that advice. Since I barely had any social media activity in the last two years except messaging family and friends, I'm still finding the courage to post anything at all on here. I'm happy for whatever Mastodon is, but so far I've been content to just explore and interact with interesting posts I come across.

How are you using Mastodon?

Do you like it better than centralized platforms?

Any wishes for changes/improvements?

#findingmyvoice #newuser

I like social media for meeting new people, traveling without traveling, educating myself on various things and supporting people/things/causes I am passionate about.

But someone please tell me why in a vast sea that is the internet I am always feeling like a tumbleweed blowing through a barren land?

#SocialMedia #Misfit #WhatIsYourStory #TalkIntoTheVoid #FindingMyVoice #TakingUpSpace

One of many long and winding storytime videos to come. I talk about yet another epiphany I had and my journey to finding my voice --- both literally and metaphorically. -Jae

https://youtu.be/IKAcXDO--uk

#RichAndJae #MeetJae #LGBTQ #Gay #NonBinary #SelfDiscovery #SelfAcceptance #QuietReflections #PersonalInsights #FindingMyVoice #SpeakingUp #SocialAnxiety #Homophobia #ChallengingStereotypes #LoveIsLove #JonathanTaylorThomas #JTT #NatashaTMiller #Poetry #Storytelling #Gratitude #Thankfulness