WHY FORGIVENESS IS THE F-WORD:
-Hijacked by religion
-Weaponized by abusers to enforce compliance
-Victim blaming "Why can't you just forgive?"
Instead, ACCEPT REALITY by asking:
What happened? Who did it? Is it a pattern?
Then use that knowledge to make appropriate choices - including whether to give the guilty party continued access to your life. #forgiveness #abuse #ReligiousTrauma #wisdom #reality #criticalthinking #exchristian #psychology #counselor

9/10

FORGIVENESS is always necessary.

However, our type of forgiveness is not staying blinded to those who hurt us so deeply and hid their bad actions by practicing the opposite of Christian principles in the same open and sincere way, such as asking for forgiveness, seeking reconciliation, dialogue, truth, and peace with the other.

#forgiveness

" #Designing #humility and #forgiveness #into #social #media #products "

https://nickpunt.com/blog/deescalating-social-media/

Let's #perish this #selfinflicted #conditioning #throw away the #black #bags full of #resentment and #spite

#Crush the #negative #feedback #loops 💥💥💥 ✊

Thoughts on Forgiveness

A lot of people believe that forgiveness is necessary for healing, and that forgiving others is crucial. That forgiveness is for other people.

Those are all false.

Forgiveness cannot be realized or become authentic if the person who caused the harm does not engage in repair.

If the other person refuses to engage in repair, then the forgiveness is like a bandaid on an infected and bloody wound.

The person who did the harm? Without doing repair, they are likely to do the harm again. So it ends up a cycle, where the person causing harm demands forgiveness but yet continues the harmful behavior.

The person offering forgiveness often ends up trapped in an abusive situation. I have been there, where I held out forgiveness in a wild hope that things will improve, that healing could happen. Except, the other person refused to engage in repair, and that hope turned to despair and bitterness.

In such a situation, forgiveness can't be authentic, and instead becomes a temporary shield to try to deflect the worst of the harm. For me, I used it as a shield to de-escalate the harm before it reached really scary levels, but my words weren't authentic at that point. It was only said to help me survive a bad situation.

Forgiveness cannot be healing if the harm continues to happen. The wounds from the harm hasn't been given space or care to heal.

By engaging in repair, trust is slowly rebuilt, healing is given space to happen, and that opens up the possibility of forgiveness.

Repair is accountability. By holding oneself accountable and doing actions to repair the harm, one shows that trust is possible again, that healing of the relationship/friendship is possible. It builds that bridge, and the survivor will see that possibility and decide whether it is healthy for them to cross it or not. A choice that the one who harmed must accept and respect.

Yes, forgiveness is for the survivor mostly, but again, forgiveness is a bridge built upon the acts of repair. The bridge cannot exist without the repair done by the one who harmed, and it is the survivor's choice to cross the bridge of forgiveness or to not cross it. No one else can make that decision for the survivor.

Forgiveness is a request for a better future and present. It's what you build after the foundation is rebuilt through the act of repair. Forgiveness is a hope that things are and will continue to improve, and healing between those involved are given space to happen.

For that healing of relationships/friendships/etc to actually happen? For that hope to be fulfilled?

Repair must be done.

Forgiveness is more than words. It's a process.

A process that starts with the other holding themselves accountable and engaging in repair, where those involved build up a foundation of hope and trust. In this process, something new is built in the ruins of the old. The final part of the process is the choice of the survivor, and for the repair to be authentic, respect for that decision must be given.

But for that to happen, those involved need to commit to that repair, to that hope, to that building up, and most importantly, follow through.

Forgiveness is not necessary for healing, and it is okay for a survivor to choose to not cross that bridge, to not forgive the harm done.

It is simply a process for rebuilding, which is a journey we can take or we can choose not to take, and each of those possible decisions are valid.

My Story as an Example

I'm a survivor of conversion therapy. I had a friend who pushed for me to do it, because that was what she'd been taught. She'd been saturated by anti-LGBT messages, but after I escaped and in the years where I chose to heal, I talked with her off and on.

She asked for forgiveness once, and I asked her, "Can I trust that you won't do this to me again? Or to anyone else?"

She looked at me and considered my question with an intensity I'd never seen from her before, and she said, "Yes. I will work toward that, and I hope I can earn it back."

She followed through and proved that her words were true. That is when I realized I could forgive her, because she engaged in repair. Because she showed that she meant it.

In contrast, my parents, who drove me to conversion therapy, still to this day refuse to acknowledge the harm. They often gaslight me about it. Sometimes mocking me if I bring it up.

When I asked that same question, they gaslit me instead and engaged in DARVO tactics (Deny, Accuse, Reversed Victim and Offender).

I realized they had no intention to ever acknowledge the harm, to ever engage in repair. They refused to admit they hurt me.

Without that intent to repair and the follow through, I realized I couldn't forgive them, because trying to forgive them only exposed me to more harm and abuse.

So I walked away. It took me almost eight years to finally walk away, to cut them out of my life for my safety and health. Because I misunderstood what forgiveness was at the time. I thought if I told them I had forgiven them, that it could somehow repair things.

But it can't. Saying "I forgive you" to someone who hurt you will not repair things. Instead, it only brought me more pain, because that hope of things improving, of healing happening, of being able to repair that broken relationship? That was destroyed again and again with their refusal to engage in repair. So my words became meaningless, they served only to soothe my parents' egos rather than aid in my own healing.

It is why I had to stop. Why I had to walk away, because staying in such a relation was hurting me. Forgiveness couldn't be realized because no repair happened. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life to cut off my parents, but I've been better off for it. My health improved not having that toxicity in my life.

It's on the other person to step up and say, "I acknowledge that I hurt you. I want to repair that. To earn back your trust. I have a few ideas on how to do this, but are you open to repairing this? And what would be best for you?"

That acknowledgement and offer of repair starts the process of laying out a foundation for the bridge. Then the necessary follow through of actually doing the repair solidifies the bridge, so that forgiveness may walk across it and truly be realized.

Forgiveness is never about forgetting. It's never about leaving it in the past. To forgive and forget isn't true forgiveness, instead, it's simply denial. The harm still happened. The hurt still lies coiled within the survivor. Trust is still broken.

Forgiveness cannot be realized or become authentic if the person who caused the harm does not engage in repair.

#Forgiveness
#Repair #Healing #RepairingHarmDone
#Accountability
#RebuildingTrust
#BirdRambles
#Rebuilding

So far, the birthing pangs of whatever this is have been messy in terms of their effect on people. #oliphant #hachyderm #tusky and I am sure many others have found that #moderation and #governance are sticky, thorny functions where people are often made very unhappy, by decisions or by experiences or by the cost of these on relationships and communities.

I urge #mercy, #compassion and #grace 1st, maybe #forgiveness where possible. But #transparency, #rules & #roles, too

#metafediverse

7/7

I felt very good after attending that homily and it was nice to see many of my relatives who I hadn't seen in a while at the same time and place. Praised be our Lord. Always be praised.

#truth #love #forgiveness #respect #humility

Forgive everything. Whatever it is, let it go. #forgiveness #healing

#HannahArendt on What #Forgiveness Really Means
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-antidote-to-the-irreversibility-of-life-hannah-arendt-on-what-forgiveness-really-means

Forgiveness does not change the person that hurt you

READ THAT AGAIN...

Forgiveness changes Y O U

#forgiveness #forgive #mentalhealth #wellbeing

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49266124

I wrote a BruTim fic a few weeks ago, if anyone wants to read. Set in the movie Return of the Joker (with Batman Beyond) and the Joker actually doesn’t come back. And Bruce gets his boywife back.

#brutim #agegap #heightgap #nightmares #slash #mpreg #batman #robin #brucewayne #timdrake #forgiveness #fluff #hurtandcomfort

Cultivate Forgiveness To Improve Personal Relationships
Harnessing the transformative power of forgiveness can revolutionize your personal relationships. By learning to let go of anger and resentment, you open yourself to empathy and deeper emotional connections. Unlock this boundless potential within yourself and experience a profound improve
https://www.adambernard.com/cultivate-forgiveness-improve-relationships/
#EverythingElse #CultivateForgiveness #Forgiveness #PersonalRelationships

"Forgiveness of another person is not a necessity to move on, despite what people say. But you DO need to forgive YOURSELF for not being able to forgive the person who wronged you. Otherwise, you'll hold on to anger forever. Once you let go of THEM, forgiveness aside, your life is much better." — Reddit/u/OkeyDokeyArtichokey1 #reddit #forgiveness #forgivenessishard

#Evolving Through #Empathy

https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5zaW1wbGVjYXN0LmNvbS83eF9vb2RkeA/episode/ZDBkYzBlOWQtZTAxMi00ZWRjLTg5NDItYjRkOTBmNDZlNTYy?sa=X&ved=0CI8CEM-BB2oXChMIkLPmnvLRgAMVAAAAAB0AAAAAEAE
This week is all about the power of #forgiveness. Today, Rosie shares a personal experience of using #empathy to move on from #disagreements and grow.

Forgiveness is always available to us. But that forgiveness does not always eliminate the consequences of our actions. #Forgiveness #Sin

https://aclayjar.net/?p=23201

I think we learn the most from imperfect relationships - things like forgiveness and compassion.
— Josh Billings
#quote #forgiveness

My desire is to be a forgiving, non-judgmental person.
— Joseph J. Ellis
#quote #forgiveness

Head of the Obsidian Order Enabran Tain once said,

"always burn your bridges. You never know who is trying to follow."

Not sure about that, but:

IF the act of forgiveness is for your peace of mind,

AND re-inviting vulnerability to the same party would undercut your peace,

THEN forgiveness can be only part of the act.

Its ok to forgive & move forward *without* reinviting vulnerabilities from unchanged persons if the risk math doesnt work out.

#SelfCare #forgiveness #StarTrek #SelfLove

#grudges #life #burdens #anger #resentment #forgiveness #letting go

One of the most powerful quotes I have ever heard that profoundly affected me to the point of forgiving my dad for leaving us when I was a baby. Forgiveness frees your own heart.

#forgiveness #healing

Forgiveness Requires that We Be Seen as Human

I'm taking a Psychology of Happiness class this semester, an elective toward my psychology degree, which with each passing semester, I'm realizing truly, deeply does not see me, as an autistic individual, a disabled individual harmed by the medical community, as anything other than a lab experiment or something to be "fixe

https://chickenyogi.com/2023/07/14/forgiveness-requires-that-we-be-seen-as-human/

#forgiveness #ForgivenessPractice