The Guys' Rules #19

"I am in shape. Round is a shape."

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The Guys' Rules #18

"When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really."

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The Guys' Rules #16

"If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle."

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The Guys' Rules #15

"If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that."

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The Guys' Rules #14

"ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is."

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The Guys' Rules #13

"Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials."

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The Guys' Rules #12

"You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."

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The Guys' Rules #11

"If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one."

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The Guys' Rules #10

"If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us."

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The Guys' Rules #9

"If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys."

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The Guys' Rules #8

"Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days."

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The Guys' Rules #7

"A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor."

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The Guys' Rules #6

"Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

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The Guys' Rules #5

"Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question."

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The Guys' Rules #4

"Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!"

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The Guys' Rules #3

"Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way."

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The Guys' Rules #2

"Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be."

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Came across an old joke email from 2004 (when jokes circulated that way) and found some of these "rules" pretty funny.

The Guys Rules #1...
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

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