“He got a Boardman bike on the Cycle To Work scheme, discovered he really enjoyed it.
Started watching the Tour de France highlights on ITV4, worshipped at the altar of Wiggo and Froome-dog.
Goes out every Sunday in full Sky replica kit…

Get your hedge cut
Get your fuckin’ hedge cut
Get your hedge cut
Get you fuckin’ hedge cut
Stop analysing Strava
And cut your hedge”
#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

“They came for the camp TV chefs, but I wasn’t a camp TV chef so I did nothing
They came for the RoMos, I laughed
They came for the martial arts enthusiasts, but I wasn’t a martial arts enthusiast so I did nothing
They came for Eamonn Holmes and I think I’m right in saying I applauded
They came for the fire-eaters, but I wasn’t a fire-eater so I did nothing
They came for Dani Behr, I said she’s over there, behind the wardrobe”
#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

“Keep your arms as rigid as a juggernaut
Clench your fists, point your knuckles straight ahead
Do your best to look like a teddy bear
Then try and pretend to look vertically dead
Everybody’s doing the Len Ganley Stance

Praise the Lord you all look so beautiful
Bulging waistcoats, thirty inch of neck
Shine your shoes and head for the Crucible
Brush the baize and keep the crowd in check
Everybody’s doing the Len Ganley Stance”
#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://youtu.be/KLPDn4N_VCU

“They come from underneath the stairs
Into my room but no-one cares
They’re on the bus and on the train
They’re knocking on my window pane
Oh mother telephone the nurse
Can’t you see it’s getting worse
I close my eyes yet still it seems
Everybody in my dreams
Gubba look-a-likes
Gubba look-a-likes”
#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://youtu.be/SAq3NF_Xlt8

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #MarcRiley

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 Westward Ho!-Massive Letdown

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://open.spotify.com/track/73wjYkucChnulNwqrZACou

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #CraigCharles

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 Joy Division Oven Gloves

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://open.spotify.com/track/3ow9h3f0NkmRJJCtaFKmWm

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #GideonCoe

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 Venus In Flares

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://open.spotify.com/track/70mZLiXE0u6kQVWyh6TcSK

“Because you had a daughter, and chose to call her Rain
Because you didn’t indicate to go down Woodchurch Lane
Your Am-Dram class has been postponed indefinitely
Because the root of Jesse’s just turned up in glorious majesty
Singing Sealed Knot Society, let’s see you try and do this one:
Luton Town – Millwall, nineteen eighty-five
Hand me down my silver trumpets
Sound the revolution bell
There’s a Cher impersonator
Rising up in Israel”
#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

“All tickets sold, I head for the wardrobe
St John or ShowSec, which is it to be?
I’ve got a triple-A dangling from my lanyard
Wimbledon and WOMAD, Ryder Cup and V

(I don’t pay) I am the King of Hi-Vis
(Walk on through) Powered by bright waistcoats and bibs”
#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #GideonCoe

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 Restless Legs

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://open.spotify.com/track/1ItNxeZox8GUxMBNOCxnqP

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #GideonCoe

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 Bottleneck At Capel Curig (Radio 1 Session, 25 Aug 1999)

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://open.spotify.com/track/3yg03p4JbYCKCmuxiqvbvo

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #GideonCoe

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 The Best Things In Life

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://open.spotify.com/track/1lAwhFoZhyEyQn7HqdryYM

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #GideonCoe

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 Gubba Lookalikes (John Peel Session, 25 Aug 1999)

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

Bubble perm
Ever since your bubble perm
I’ve gone ex-directory
Just in case you need me
Swivel chair
In your leather swivel chair
You can turn your back on me
Leave me in the out-tray
She’s the main man in the office in the city
And she treats me like I’m just another lackey
But I can put a tennis racket up against my face
And pretend that I am Kendo Nagasaki

#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://youtu.be/ZaZYqURa1Jw

Either I'm going to be disappointed or Google Bard has its knickers in a twist
#hmhb #halfmanhalfbiscuit #googlebard

“The cemetery’s full of indispensable cobblers”
#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://youtu.be/pHiD0EXlTSM

🔊 #NowPlaying on #BBC6Music's #SteveLamacq

Half Man Half Biscuit:
🎵 The Light at the End of the Tunnel (Is the Light of an Oncoming Train)

#HalfManHalfBiscuit

https://open.spotify.com/track/1dy0v1TRS3kToFcxR9OOg9

Patience and concentration somewhat undone by imminent trip to #halfmanhalfbiscuit gig.

Rosebay willowherb, syringes and glass
Grand Ole Opry this isn’t, alas
But in a Nudie suit six feet below
Lies a man who the world doesn’t know
…
He never rested a Gretsch on his thigh
Seeing Nashville was pie in the sky
But in a pub in the West End of Rhyl
He was Hank, he was Roy, he was Bill
So let’s gather up our paraphernalia
And think on before we depart
That beneath this broken headstone
There lies a broken heart

#halfmanhalfbiscuit

“Oh darling sugar honey
When it was nice and sunny
And when I had some money
We would go and see Echo And The Bunny
…men

……

Now you are gone forever
Shot by your Uncle Trevor
My story seems so tragic
Ali Bongo’s good at contortionism”

#hmhb #HalfManHalfBiscuit