#HidradenitisSuppurativa anxiety is high in me today

I don't even think #anxiety is an accurate label for what I'm actually feeling, though.

It's like a slowly-descending terror, the sort that comes from insights on one's own current moment and feelings of inevitable catastrophe or doom, and the inability to escape or change its course.

For example:

a new bump or nodule felt under the skin while bathing can cause a nervous twinge in the back of my mind, like; what will this develop into? Then, after such a discovery, my logical course of action is to get out the anti-inflammatory ointments and the antibiotic creams and immediately apply them to the area(s) of the suspect lump(s).

I already use hibicleanse as body wash everytime I shower. #Hibicleanse kills normal #bacteria and #microbes on the skin, like #staph, #strep, #candida (yeast). To the average person with a healthy immune system, these microbes on small, balanced amounts don't trigger a response to go to 'war' from the #immuneSystem. My immune system however, is distrustful of whatever is on my skin, to the point that even the very texture of clothing can set it off, and my skin develops nodules-- not on the surface like #acne, which is usually a reaction to what's in the pore, oil glands, etc, but rather, a pocket of fluid forms in the nodule, sort of like a blister, almost, and it turns to pus (note: acne is plenty awful on its own-- I do NOT want to minimize that condition, my own brother had it awful).

It's also important to note that for every one with HS there can be different completely factors and triggers for each person, some being hormonal only, some environmental, or diet only or a combination of factors, including lifestyle, and what are considered #comorbid conditions and diseases that intersect with HS and or make it worse.

For me personally, it's a combination of environmental toxins, food and allergies and unregulated blood glucose levels, that and GI disease and Elhers Danslos Syndrome ( #EDS) and #POTS. Some of these intersect with #Autism and the nervous system which also are things that affect me and the severity of my conditions.

So, back to the HS infection risk--
Remember how I wrote that I must wash with hibicleanse all over my body?

Well, if I don't get rid of most of my skin surface microbes, the microbes could infect and culture the fluid-filled nodules and could develop (but not always in some people) a serious infection. This is where the slowly descending terror factors in. Once the process of infection starts, it's already in its path, and there are sometimes very limited ways to act, and every option puts me at the mercy of the medical system and the home environment I live in. Mobility disabilities and developmental disabilities complicate this all, because it takes much executive functioning to keep on top of skin care AND taking a bunch of pills that require different times and procedures.

I might edit this later, but I have to go an eat.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far