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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
159 followers · 119 posts · Server universeodon.com

is rumored to be on the brink of releasing his debut dance video to

Known as the BeepWheel, analysts forecast the dance will generate over a trillion views and become a viral craze unlike any the world has ever seen.

#johnmastodon #tiktok #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #Fediverse #socialmedia #bigtech #dance

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
159 followers · 118 posts · Server universeodon.com

has an unblinking, all seeing third eye hidden underneath his beard.

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #Fediverse

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

often officiates weddings amongst his followers, but always insists that all gathered must wear stone elephant masks, and all vows be taken in classical pachydermic...

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Fediverse #Twitter #Mastodon

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

Last night reputedly tossed and turned, and muttered "Beware the Ides of Musk", until dawn...

When he finally awoke, he told his followers he'd had a vision that Elon will soon be slain by a group of his fellow billionaires upon the red carpet of a movie premiere, his last words "Et Tu Kanye".

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #idesofmarch #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #bigtech #Tech #IT #elonmusk #socialmedia

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #health

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

calls his fingers his "hand trunks" and his toes his "foot trunks".

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Twitter #Mastodon #biology

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #Fediverse #Tech

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

Don't let the lack of a mask fool you, takes very seriously.

It's just that his supernatural beard creates a natural protective layer the rest of us lack.

#johnmastodon #covid #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #Fediverse #covid19 #masks #pandemic

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

John Mastodon's beard grows at a rate of five inches per day...

And has the material properties of ivory.

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #Fediverse

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #Fediverse #elonmusk

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

When finally defeats , he intends to send him into exile...

On Mars :mars_photo: 🇲🇭 :space: 🛰️ 🚀

#johnmastodon #elonmusk #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Twitter #Mastodon #Space #mars #socialmedia

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

is mostly vegan, but he eats a huge pizza topped with well done steak, bacon and pepperoni (all lab grown) every full moon to enhance his powers. 🌕 🍽️

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #food #vegan

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

measures his nutritional intake in kilobytes rather than calories.

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #Mastodon #Twitter

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

Leading political scholars have secretly claimed a John Mastodon vs Elon Musk 2028 presidential race is now inevitable.

🔷 ⚖️ 🟥

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Mastodon #Twitter #elonmusk #musk #usa #uspolitics #uspol #politics #elections #Democrats #dems #republicans #gop #president #geopolitics

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

Once, when speaking on a video call to see if they could find common ground, Elon Musk offered to waive John Mastodon's eight dollar verification fee if he he joined Twitter.

John just raised an eyebrow and said that if Elon paid his fair share taxes and ceased to be such a massive knave, he would allow him on .

#Mastodon #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #Twitter #elonmusk #socialmedia

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

For a retirement plan once he is victorious over the tech barons, plans to set up his own ethical and responsible space fight company, MastodonCosmos, and live on Mars, Venus and Ganymede sequentially.

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #Space #mastodoncosmos #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Twitter #Mastodon

Last updated 1 year ago
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CalamusEstFortis · @ScriptorViator
142 followers · 1475 posts · Server universeodon.com

Huh, I just noticed that @JohnMastodonFacts has more followers than me.

My creation has grown beyond my control and wildly eclipsed me. Now I know how @godpod must feel.

Thanks to all followers in any case.

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #Mastodon #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

#johnmastodon #berniesanders #johnmastodonfacts #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #usa #uspolitics #Democrats #knitting #Mastodon #Twitter #memes

Last updated 1 year ago
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JohnMastodonFacts · @JohnMastodonFacts
158 followers · 117 posts · Server universeodon.com

🔶 🔶 🔶

It is whispered by some that John Mastodon's powers come from a contract he made with Arybathmus, the ancient god of pachyderms, and that if he does not destroy the tyranny of big tech within a hundred years, his soul will be forfiet.

🐘 ⚔️ 🐀

It is part of Arybathmus ancient war with Ninkilim, the god of rodents, who chose his own champion in the form of a billionaire whose family name and personality reminded him of so much of himself.

🔶 🔶 🔶

#johnmastodon #johnmastodonfacts #mythology #theresistancewillbefederated #glorytothefediverse #Twitter #Mastodon

Last updated 1 year ago
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