https://youtube.com/shorts/xgbFi9mU18M

☣️  Estratto da Toxic I. L'ormai stranoto fenomeno del love bombing è una strategia lucida e consapevole o una mera simulazione? Per ascoltare il discorso completo, recupera il mio video su Youtube 06. TOXIC - l'Innamoramento del partner tossico o segui il link https://youtu.be/VOPGhOnY1iI?si=lFD36hDJnVmcZp62

#relazionitossiche #psicologoinrete #lovebombing #reelpsicologia #shortpsicologia #relazionedicoppia #seduzione #affetto #love #amore #affetto #psicologo #consapevolezza

Ich sehe gerade klar, wie meine Beziehungen laufen und erkenne, dass es nicht "sustainable" ist.

Wir beginnen mit #Hyperfokus aka #LoveBombing. Danach gibt es zwei Möglichkeiten:
Der Mensch wird wieder langweilig und es geht auseinander oder in etwas lockeres über. Das ist die Variante in der der Schaden, den ich anderen zufüge, sich in Grenzen hält.
Die zweite Variante ist, dass eine "ernsthafte" Beziehung entsteht.
Hier schaffe ich es früher oder später nicht mehr zu masken und raste aus.
Ab hier bin ich dann in einer negativ Spirale aus der es keinen Ausweg mehr gibt und die eine gute Chance hat Menschen zu traumatisieren

#Psychologie

#Freundschaften #LoveBombing

Love Bombing in Freundschaften -

Mit Liebe überschüttet, dann fallen gelassen:

https://www.emotion.de/psychologie-partnerschaft/love-bombing-freundschaften

Fascinating article about words we #editors may need to look at more closely:

'#Gaslighting, #Narcissist, and More #PsychologyTerms You're Misusing'
https://time.com/6262891/psychology-terms-misused-gaslighting-toxic-narcissist/
#TimeMagazine

#Trauma #Triggered #LoveBombing #Toxic #Grooming #TraumaBond #Antisocial #TraumaDumping #WordsMatter #AmWriting #EditingCommunity #AmEditing

#Lovebombing boosted with #texting is the equivalent of a #dopamine relationship speedball (cocaine and heroin). Separately, both love bombing and text messaging can create potent dopamine brain baths. Together, they’re a powerfully destructive combination.

Dopamine creates intense wanting that leads to seeking behavior. Seeking eventually leads to a reward – the release of endorphins and other feel good neurochemicals. Reward reinforces the wanting and seeking behavior that, in turn, leads to more reward. This is called a dopamine loop and it can be incredibly addictive.

Whether it’s wanting and seeking more validation of ever increasing love bombing in person or via text or on social media – you need more and more of it to get the same intense rush. Especially when everything is shiny and new, or rather, shiny and new narcissistic supply.

Therefore, when dating, resist the urge to text excessively. First, if you’ve met someone who’s not a personality disordered abuser, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. For example, you find each other on one of those god awful apps. And then you text each other like teenagers for two weeks before the first coffee date.

Dopamine! Dopamine!! DOPAMINE!!!

No normal human being of reasonable attractiveness can live up to a 2 week long dopamine binge. Regardless of how kind, intelligent and interesting they actually are. She or he will likely disappoint due to the unrealistic anticipation of the texting dopamine high.

Second, let’s say Dopamine Damsel or Dopamine Dude, does meet your wild expectations. She or he could very well be your next #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic nutter. In order to keep the dopamine loop looping, the reward needs to be obtained and then increased. And who can top the intensity of the pre-meet text-fest in person?

A person who can be intensely charming, intensely engaging and intensely provocative, flirtatious and seductive. Someone who’ll contort and shape shift themselves (i.e., #mirroring) into being anything and everything they think you want them to be to get you to fall in love with them. Again, it’s likely to be another #NPD, #BPD or #HPD nightmare.

Third, a person who’s willing and/or able to begin texting a stranger excessively from morning to night, well, I have questions. Like do they have a job? Friends, family or pets? Anything in their life that requires attention and responsibility? Do they have impulse control and self-restraint? The ability for delayed gratification? Hobbies and interests that don’t involve their phones, social media and dating apps?

Best case scenario, it’s another #codependent looking for their next intense dopamine relationship disaster. Worst case scenario, it’s the next disaster.

#AbuseHasNoGender

Britons warned about four convincing scams to watch out for this year | The Independent
#Scam
#Scams
#UK
#NumberSpoofing
#PigButchering
#LoveBombing
#Grooming
#FakeMissingPersonAppeals
#PayPal
#PayPalScams
#HMRC
#FakeAppAlert
#Malware
#ActionFraud
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/scams-2023-which-fraud-consumer-b2342897.html

“True intimacy is a maelstrom of contradictory emotions: love and hate, attraction and repulsion, excitement and boredom.” (Esther Perel)

Bull. Shit.

This statement is an example of normalizing narcissistic, borderline, histrionic and psychopathic pathology. To put it bluntly, NORMALIZING NARCISSISM NORMALIZES ABUSE.

True emotional and sexual #intimacy, if nurtured and protected, can be deep, mutually satisfying and abiding. Intimacy grows gradually over time as two people come to know, understand, respect, trust and appreciate each other. True intimacy isn’t found in the intense, instant, projection-riddled, #LoveBombing seduction typical of relationships with a #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic or #psychopath.

True intimacy requires #reciprocity, #trust, #EmotionalAttunement, #EmotionalDepth and the ability to be #vulnerable (as oppose to weaponizing a partner’s vulnerabilities).

This is why many #NPD, #BPD, #HPD and other emotionally immature people call you their soulmate on Monday, and post selfies with their newest soulmate on Thursday. It’s why they rapidly oscillate between love and hate, admiration and contempt, etc. While their emotions are intense, they’re also remarkably shallow (i.e., superficial).

Intimacy requires two adults capable of emotional constancy. Not an adult toddler with wonky object constancy whose regard for you changes on a dime.

A maelstrom (i.e., a situation or state of confused movement or violent turmoil) in which one or both partners swing between love and hate, attraction and repulsion, excitement and boredom doesn’t facilitate true intimacy. Not only is this kind of emotional and psychological instability incompatible with true intimacy; it destroys it.

It isn’t advisable to trust, much less attach, to someone whose love and respect for you is volatile, changeable and, thus, meaningless.

#AbuseHasNoGenderThe

There’s really no difference between the #LoveBombing pedestal (#idealization) and the it’s all your fault POS status (#devaluation). While one feels better than the other, both are equally meaningless. They’re just different versions of the same #manipulation. The carrot and the stick are one and the same to the #codependent #PeoplePleaser.

Meaning, both conditions can’t simultaneously be true. You can’t be the most amazing, special-est man/woman ever and the most horrible person ever. Especially when a #borderline, #narcissist or #histrionic partner vacillates between the two extremes multiple times within the same hour.

But which one is true? Again, neither.

So many clients are easily manipulated by the mercurial opinion of their #BPD, #NPD or #HPD partner. It's the reason they walk on eggshells. #ClusterB #PersonalityDisorder-ed people don’t have a cohesive, stable sense of themselves (i.e., #construct). Hence their rage and perceived #victimhood at the smallest and/or imaginary slight or criticism. As such, their construct of other people – including you -- is similarly unstable.

“You bought me a new car!!! Yay!!! I love you!!! Thank you, daddy!!!! Best daddy ever!!!!!”

“You won’t let me have a third cookie!!!! Mean mommy!!! I hate you!!!!!”

Therefore, any approval from a BPD, HPD or NPD person is meaningless if it can change on a dime. This becomes a manipulation tactic once they figure out the power they can wield by alternating withholding love or blowing smoke up your butt (i.e., variable ratio reinforcement schedule).

It’s all the same to them.

In my experience, these individuals enjoy being cruel more and resent having to love bomb or #Hoover. The overt cruelty is more enjoyable because of the contempt they feel for you for tolerating their abuse. I also suspect it makes them feel more powerful when their victim grovels for love. Contemptuous and powerful.

Furthermore, healthy adults don't change their opinion of you just because they occasionally feel irritated, hurt or disappointed by you. In fact, healthy adults can still love and respect their partner even when they’re super angry with them. And can do so without engaging in wanton cruelty or childish nonsense. Imagine that!

If you're still trying to make it work with a disordered partner because you don't think you can live without their approval, please understand that for which you’re tolerating abuse IS NOT REAL. It’s your codependency and need for external validation from someone who'll never be capable of giving it to you that's real. They'll continue to exploit your vulnerabilities and abuse you for as long as you're willing to suffer it and them.

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

The sociopath roommate goes out of her way to lie about using the kitchen and having dirty dishes. She's even posted photo's of her dishes in her room. One member of her family including her cooks daily. And they use the kitchen the most out of all of us. Not so strangely, the sociopath is the only person the narcissistic LL doesn't insult. When I saw the love bombing I knew she was a piece of work. #lovebombing #abuser #manipulative #cunning #charming #home #family #dysfunctional

Hoe does my sociopath roommate get away with her manipulative behavior? She makes everyone else do her dirty work and when others don't she finds a way to undermine their credibility. She is a master of the love bombing where she inflates your ego, builds you up, compliments excessively and ingratiates herself to you and others. She's attention seeking which appears to be charming and friendly but she does it for attention. #sociopath #lovebombing #narcissist #histrionic #bully

The cycle goes like this, they apologize & beg you to stay.

They lovebomb you say they'll go to therapy.

You take them back.

Mine promised to do better after punching a hole in the wall and calling me a cheating whore.

I left.

Predators have patterns.

Spot the pattern.

#InfoSec #techie #abuse #domesticviolence #safety #privacy #lovebombing

#Socialism
is a
#Beautiful
#Dirty
word.

Socialism is
sexy,
Socialism
has power.

Why must we
be denied,
our right
to joyful expression?

Why must we
accept that shit
will just be
shitty?

Why is now
not the hour
for #Nonviolent
#Revolutionary #LoveBombing?

We can be free,
if we want to be...

#420 #StonedThoughts #Cannabis

After the #LoveBombing stage, many clients settle for crumbs of affection in their relationship with a #NPD, #BPD, #HPD partner because that’s what they subsisted on in their #FamilyOfOrigin as kids. The unloved child within
holds onto the crap relationship out of fear of “losing love.” Or rather, what little love they can #PeoplePlease from a self-absorbed, selfish unfit parent and, as an adult, partner.

You’re not losing love, though. That's the lie of #abuse. In reality,
you’re ending a relationship with someone who’s incapable of love.

If you don't know how to love yourself, begin by respecting yourself. Respect your grown self and hurting younger versions of yourself enough to walk away from people who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. A #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic partner is no more capable of love than a similarly #ClusterB #PersonalityDisorder parent.

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

There’s a big difference between being #alone and feeling all alone. Typically, clients often feel less lonely/all alone as singles than when with their exes. That’s because you are alone in a relationship with a #narcissist, #borderline, #histionic or #psychopath.

Alone in effort, #intimacy peace-keeping, problem-solving, etc. Your needs, feelings and wants don’t matter. You only exist as an ego-gratifying object and scapegoat. Presumably, you’re also all alone in terms of emotional and psychological maturity, empathy, accountability, integrity and conscience. In some ways, you’re the single parent of an angry, cruel, selfish, pathologically dishonest, destructive adult toddler you can’t put in timeout. In this respect, I agree that being a single parent of an adult toddler is the toughest job there is ; )

Why are you all alone in a relationship with a #BPD, #NPD, #HPD?

1) The #lovebomb version of them at the beginning of the relationship wasn’t real. It’s a patchwork of #idealization, #mirroring, #projection, #TraumaBonding via #intensity and #bullshit.

2) It’s impossible for an adult to have an equal/equitable partnership with a child. This includes the #AdultToddler of the #ClusterB variety pack. They don’t want a partner; they want enablers. Even if you enable like an Olympic champion-level doormat/nanny/ego fluffer, they’ll eventually resent you for that, too. And then, the more you enable them – which is super unhealthy, btw – the worse they treat you.

3) Relationships with BPD/NPD/HPD aren’t two-way streets (i.e., mutual and reciprocal). They’re one-way streets paved with double standards. These individuals are pathologically self-absorbed and selfish.

4) After the #LoveBombing stage, you become a screen onto which they #project all of their flaws and psychological sewage. Objective reality is irrelevant.

You are alone in these relationships because you never really existed to them in the first place. Meaning, they never really appreciate a partner for who they truly are. But rather how willing you are to:

- Tolerate abuse and exploitation.
- #Enable them.
- Sacrifice/care for them without getting anything in return.
- Never hold them accountable.

Basically, any #codependent, trauma bond/ #RepetitionCompulsion/ #PeoplePleaser/ #fixer/ #resuer will do.

Therefore, isn’t it better to be alone than to feel all alone in a #ToxicRelationship? Or, to be alone rather than wish you were alone? Table for one, please!

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

I think I've had two people try forms of #LoveBombing on me in the last few weeks.

One was a definite, blatant assault, the other much more subtle, deniable, and potentially misread by me, or possibly unintentional on their part.

Definitely a new experience, my immediately realizing what was happening and not getting sucked in.

Been there, done that; hated it.

Sciari… un consiglio.. ascoltati qualche puntata di #lovebombing il podcast e capirai perché scompaiono #chilhavisto

Giving a #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic or #psychopath a second chance to "be better" after they've consistently abused you without remorse isn’t evidence of your forgiving nature. It’s evidence of your #codependency and likely unresolved #ChildhoodWounds.

There’s no going back to #lovebombing land. It was a con job (and probably included lots and lots of your other favorite “jobs.”) That person is never coming back because she/he never existed in the first place.

In reality, you're giving the #NPD/ #BPD/ #HPD is another chance to break you down more than they already have to the point you no longer have the will to leave. Or another chance to create another hostage -- I mean child. Or a chance to set you up with a #FalseAllegation of #DomesticViolence to punish you for “abandoning”/rejecting them.

Instead of being be excited by the lie that “things will be better,” be insulted.

They're insulting your intelligence. Again, this is a #CONJOB. I know it's tempting to believe things can go back to the way it was before they took off the mask. But that's the thing. The abusive monster is the reality. The adoring love bomber is the mask.

Or, you can give it a try.

But don't be surprised if they become even nastier, more controlling and blame shiftier than they were before. YOU were going to LEAVE THEM. How are THEY supposed to TRUST YOU now!?!

You're going to have to prove your commitment to them all over again. How?

While the NPD/BPD/HPD is usually short on details for how you can accomplish this, the shit they'll expect you to swallow/do to prove your devotion to them is endless.As in, it’s mission impossible.

This is one of the biggest classic mindf-cks NPD/BPD/HPDs perpetrate. You agonize over ending the relationship because of how horribly they treat you. Then they flip it around. Don't take the bait!

#AbuseHasNoGender #MenToo