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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
217 followers · 318 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

I'm not a Francophile (which means I don't like Spanish dictators)

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
217 followers · 317 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

Basically, I make tailor-made trousers for people over 6 foot tall. That's the long, and sure to fit.

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
217 followers · 316 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- My dogs will eat brassicas, as long as they're not too small
- Broader caulis?
- No, they're shih tzus

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
217 followers · 315 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- The Tate used cutting-edge IT to predict a Just Stop Oil attack on the work 'yurts made of gelatine', so posted a guard inside each one
- Art official in jelly tents?
- That's the software they used, yes

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
217 followers · 314 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

You could say I'm lucky to land a job which has frequent long stops for coffee, but them's the breaks

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
217 followers · 312 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- I'm giving you an on the spot fine. I'm sure you now regret urinating in the street.
- Rue pee?
- No, we don't take foreign currency

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
213 followers · 297 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- I just saw the PM! He was eating an ice cream!
- Licker Rishi?
- I don't know what flavour it was

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
210 followers · 296 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- I've stopped for a coffee in that loch-side place where you can look out for the monster
- That Ness café?
- No, it's some proper artisan roasted stuff

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
210 followers · 294 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

Some former Tory PM's are forming a band. Theresa May's on the wobble board, Johnson the lyre (and probably the fiddle), Liz Truss is blowing her own trumpet, and David Cameron wants to play the ham and organ.

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
211 followers · 293 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

Who wants to see a musical based on Christian Andersen's fairy tales? Come on, let's have a show of Hans.

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
209 followers · 292 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- The blokes resurfacing the road seemed really spiteful
- Yeah, why the bitchy men?
- Well, it provides a hard smooth surface

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
208 followers · 290 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

I was relieved when the long drinks manufacturers' meeting was adjourned for a Southern Comfort break

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
207 followers · 288 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- My Glaswegian friend got frostbitten feet while training in Finland, now it's joined the defensive alliance
- NATO?
- Yeah, he lost all of them

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
207 followers · 286 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

"Hi, my name ith Othkar" - Schindler's Lisp

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
207 followers · 284 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

Beethoven got full marks in his viva, so, to celebrate, he wrote the passed oral symphony

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
205 followers · 284 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

- I made a special tiny microphone just so I could interview a small insect
- Bespoke?
- It did, for a full hour

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
205 followers · 283 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

Hands up, who likes Mexican waves?

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
205 followers · 282 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

Just Stop Oil are organising another sit-down protest. I'm up for that.

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
198 followers · 280 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

Why are there loads of small holes around the outside of the dartboard. Am I missing something?

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Richard Pulsford · @richardpulsford
198 followers · 278 posts · Server mastodonapp.uk

I can play Blind Man's Buff with my eyes closed

#lunchpun #pun #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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