It's been seven months since Mom's death, and it feels like my body and mind are only just beginning to come back online. There's just a large block of time that is fuzzy and confusing and nonspecific. At work, this means months of shipments made in a stupor, thousands of parts picked and marked off blindly, innumerable receipts and invoices coming and going like a dream.

There are inconsistencies in inventory levels and quality control that has slipped - which I'm now responsible for remedying, because it should be me who knows the most about all of those things. My employers don't realize that I'm just as useless as bringing in a stranger to resolve these issues, with how little detail I can recall.

Every day has been so stressful and confusing. I just want a break. A long one. And to come back with a fresh mind. But I don't have the luxury to do so. My coworkers ask me questions with the expectation I know the answers, and all I can say is I don't remember, I don't know. It feels like a stranger has been doing my job, poorly, for some time now

#grief
#memoryLoss
#memoryHaze
#vent