#Depression trampled me this weekend. Went to bed last night wondering how I was going to be able to work this week.

Struggled out of bed this morning. Trudged to my basement office. Started working. Continued working. Put in a full day.

Wiped out. But wiped out from doing rather than from existing. I'm wiped out most of the time. But the WHY is important to me.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

#Depression has been kicking my arse lately. It's been throwing in some dissociation (periods where my brain just checks out for a while and I come back confused about what I was doing, etc.).

I'm safe. I'm just worried that I lost my fingertip hold above the abyss and I'm falling instead of hanging on. That would be... suboptimal.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Gave a presentation today that lasted less than five minutes but took most of last week to put together. It went really well.

A year ago, I was at the front end of a lengthy medical leave due to my #Depression and #Anxiety trying to kill me. They do that.

I'm still here. I don't feel like I'm thriving, but I have moments, like today's presentation, that make me feel like thriving is possible.

Sometimes, that's enough.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Intentional solitude is SO MUCH BETTER for my #mentalhealth than reflexive isolation.

I tried to come up with something witty for that statement and make and rhyme and stuff and it was all trash. So, I'll just leave it.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Spending Saturday night at a hotel for some meaningful solitude was a mixed bag. From a #mentalhealth standpoint, it was a worthwhile endeavor.

My back, however, did NOT appreciate the super firm hotel mattress. It is so mad, y'all. So mad.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Rough week in terms of #mentalhealth and feeling overwhelmed.

While talking with my therapist, she helped me realize that I have not had any break from the complications/pressure of family, work, etc. with genuine, positive solitude that I need to recharge since well before COVID. Long time.

Spending the night at a hotel tonight to recharge a bit. I'll read. Watch stupid TV. Just be. I already feel some release.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

#Depression and #Anxiety took me down hard this weekend.

But I made it to the last performance of the production of The Music Man that my daughters were in. That makes me happier than I can properly express.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

It's been a tough week. Lots of #Anxiety spikes. Lots of outright exhaustion making me collapse into bed instead of laying down.

Even though I KNOW so many aspects of my life are moving in a hopeful direction, my brain works SO HARD to convince me I am barely hanging on by one fingertip; and that it would be SO MUCH EASIER just to let go.

I'm safe and all. Just sharing what goes on in the old brainpan. Fun, yeah?

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

I'm pretty sure my #ImpostorSyndrome does meth.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Got my CPAP settings changed so I am getting better quality sleep. Makes a huge difference in how I feel.

Overwhelmed with some stuff at home that's not about me. Intellectually, I know it's not anyone's fault. But I still feel like I am letting my family down somehow. #Depression and #Anxiety are both opportunists, hitting us when we're down.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Spent time troubleshooting Microsoft Word mail merge today. You know you're in trouble when the screenshots on your web search results are clearly from Office 97 at best.

Yeah. There's not much else to do but laugh.

Who knows? Maybe tomorrow I'll get Window 98 to recognize a printer by telling the machine that printer is an HP LaserJet 4 when it isn't. Loved that trick.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

No taxation without representation! Happy Independence Day to my US friends.

Also, I've been really wiped out lately. Work still takes 99% of my energy.

Haven't had the mental energy for check-ins. I find them helpful, so I'm trying to get back to doing them regularly. #PlaceYourBets

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Went to a llama farm today with the family. We petted llamas. We walked around with them. We gave them treats.

As of today, for the first time in my life, I can say, with absolute truth: I saw Genghis Khan pee... for more than THREE MINUTES straight.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Long week. But a good one. Absolutely wiped out.

In other news, yellow watermelon is a thing.

Right?!

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Good day today. I'm fortunate that I get a lot of satisfaction out of what I do for work.

Had dinner tonight with the family at the dining room table, which seldom happens. It was awesome.

Feeling blessed. #Depression can still come in try to wreck it; make it feel false. But it's not doing that right now. Which is grand.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Helped with a virtual event this week that wrapped up today. It was AWESOME.

AND the much higher level of interaction than I usually have each day completely exhausted me. Comes with my #Anxiety unfortunately.

I played my part, supported my team, and showed up/engaged fully for the whole event. Definitely a win.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Good day. Wiped out. Thai Red Curry is on the way.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Determined to do my physical therapy exercises for my back today. 1/3 already done.

Super exhausted yesterday. Wasn't up for a check-in. Which is just fine. I few these are more of an opportunity than a commitment. I celebrate when I do them rather than berating myself when I don't. I find it to be a good way to approach doing things in spite of my #mentalhealth challenges.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Great day at work. Then went driving with the youngest. She's getting more comfortable if merging onto the highway. We didn't die even once.

Still really sensitive to noise. Loud and/or sudden noise is a big trigger for my #Anxiety

Cool movies coming out. But the idea of being in a movie theater is terrifying. That sucks.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/

Had a good day. Made progress on stuff. Completed stuff. Planned other stuff. Exhausted from energy expenditure rather than mere existence.

#MentalHealthDailyCheckin

https://cantjuggle.com/mentalhealthdailycheckin/