@Fayedray IT'S GREAT HERE. WE HAVE MOUNTAINS, #MOOSECOP , THE HAARP MACHINE, AND PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE EIGHT-FOOT TALL OMICRONIAN.

5/5
#BADGOOSE HAS COME FOR MONEY AND TO FILL THE WORLD WITH JUNK
AND TO CLEAR AWAY THE LAW MAN, HE HAS BROUGHT WITH HIM #GUNSKUNK
THIS PAIR OF EVIL BASTARDS HAS THE SPIRIT AND THE GUMPTION.
TO FULLY FREE THE SURP FOR HUMAN CONTRABAND CONSUMPTION.
THERE’S MORE THAN SEVERAL FORTUNES IN THIS STICKY SWEET BROWN GOLD
AND WITHOUT THE #MOOSECOP BUTTING IN, THOSE FABLED RICHES MIGHT BE KNOWN.
THEY ROLLED IN FROM THE BORDER JUST IN TIME FOR SYRUPFEST
AND IT’S NOT CLEAR HOW THIS ENDS; PERHAPS ONE DAY WE’LL KNOW THE REST.

SO THIS IS WHERE WE STAND, MY SCATTERED FEDIVERSAL FRIENDS:
BAD GOOSE, GUN SKUNK, AND MOOSE COP RACING TOWARD A BITTER END.
WILL ANTLER PASS’S FINEST FEED THESE CRIMINALS THEIR TEETH,
OR WILL THEY FIND TWELVE FEET OF DIRT TO PUT MOOSE COP BENEATH?
WILL THEY EVER FIND THE KILLER WHO STRIPPED MOOSE WIFE AWAY
LIKE SO MANY STRIPS OF BIRCH BARK ON THAT BLACK DECEMBER DAY?
WILL OUR LOCAL LAWMAN WALK THIS LONELY NORTHERN BEAT?
MY MONEY IS ON MOOSE COP, BUT OUR STORY’S INCOMPLETE.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

4/5
#MOOSECOP IS MORE THAN A MERE ANIMAL; HE IS A NOBLE BEAST
HE BATTLES WITH HIS DEMONS, NO LESS THAN YOU OR ME.
BUT MORE THAN THAT, I THINK HE’S SAD, ALTHOUGH IT’S HARD TO SEE
EVER SINCE HE LOST HIS #MOOSEWIFE, I THINK HE’S GOT SOME PTSD
YOU CAN READ IT IN HIS FEATURES WHEN HE GOES TO THAT DARK PLACE
HER DEATH IS ANTLER PASS’S ONLY CAPITAL AND UNSOLVED CASE.
THE FROZEN GROUND, THE TRAIL OF BLOOD, THE SWIRLING WINTER SNOW;
THE CROWDED STATE PARK PARKING LOT WHERE HER KILLER’S TRAIL RAN COLD.

A NOTE TIED TO A ROCK AND THROWN CLEAR THROUGH A CABIN DOOR
MIGHT MAKE A LESSER LAWMAN DOUBT HIS RESOLVE TO ENDURE
THE THREAT OF CERTAIN VIOLENCE MANY SMALL TOWN COPS ABHOR
BUT THIS IS FUCKING MOOSE COP AND HE’S ITCHING FOR A WAR
COULD THIS BE MOOSE WIFE’S KILLER? COULD IT BE A SYRUP SMUGGLER?
PERHAPS IT’S A COP KILLER OR A JILTED MOOSE COP LOVER.
IT NEVER HAS BEEN EASY FOR A LAWMAN AND A MOOSE
BUT I DOUBT IT COULD GET HARDER THAN A VISIT FROM #BADGOOSE.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

3/5
IT’S NOT ALL WINE AND ROSES IN THIS NORTHERN TWO-HORSE BURG;
THE TOURIST MONEY COMES AND GOES; THE SKIING’S GETTING WORSE.
THE PEOPLE FROM THE CITIES BOUGHT UP COUNTLESS PROPERTIES
AND LEASE THEM OUT TO TOURISTS AS THOSE DAMNED AIRBNBS.
BUT AS FAR AS BORDER VILLAGES THAT FILL THE WOODED SPACE
‘TWEEN WASHINGTON, ONTARIO, MONTANA, AND THE LAKES,
QUEBEC AND NOVA SCOTIA, MINNESOTA AND SAULT SAINTE,
#ANTLERPASS MUST BE THE FINEST, BECAUSE ITS FINEST IS SO GREAT.

SLOSHING THROUGH THE MUSKEG OR CHEWING WILLOW BRANCHES
HE’S ALWAYS UP FOR FEEDING CRIMINALS A #MOOSECOP KNUCKLE SANDWICH
THERE’S NO LINE HE WOULDN’T CROSS, NO UNBURNABLE WOOD BRIDGE.
THE ONE THING KEEPING HIM IN LINE MUST BE HIS PARTNER, MIDGE.
WHETHER ON A STAKEOUT OR SHAKING DOWN A SYRUP SMUGGLER,
MIDGE ALWAYS TROTS OUT GOOD COP BEFORE MOOSE COP MAKES A BLUNDER.
ALTHOUGH MOOSE COP’S POLICE INSTINCTS MIGHT SEE HIM WHALING ON A PERP,
MIDGE BUTS INTO THE RAMPAGE AND ASKS: “WHO’S TRYNA #FREETHESURP ?”

#MooseCopHulu

2/5
JURISDICTION’S JUST ANOTHER WORD THAT #MOOSECOP DOESN’T KNOW
BECAUSE WHEN SOMETHING DOESN’T SET WITH HIM, THAT SOMETHING’S GOTTA GO.
HE DEFENDS LEGAL ABSTRACTIONS WITH ZEAL THAT BEGGARS BELIEF;
MOOSE COP’S OFTEN AT LOGGERHEADS WITH ANTLER PASS’S CHIEF.
“OUR BUDGET ISN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO COMMANDEER
A LOGGING TRUCK AND RAM IT THROUGH GRANDPAPPY’S SOUVENIRS”
MOOSE COP KNOWS THE DRILL AND HE WILL OFFER UP HIS GUN
BUT IT NEVER TAKE TOO LONG BEFORE HIS UNPAID LEAVE IS DONE.

THE LOCALS UNDERSTAND MC HAD CRIMINALS TO CATCH
AND HIS UNGULATE CHARISMA IS IMPOSSIBLE TO MATCH
HE CUTS A HANDSOME FIGURE IN HIS AVIATOR GLASSES,
WOODLAND KHAKI UNIFORM AND ANTLERS: TALL AND MASSIVE.
THE FOLKS AT CITY HALL ALL KNOW THAT MOOSE COP IS THEIR MAN,
AND IF PAPPY HAS A CLAIM TO FILE, HELL, THEY DAMN WELL UNDERSTAND
THE COST OF CHASING ORDER—COULD IT BE TOO HIGH TO PAY?
IF THE COST IS LOSING MOOSE COP, IT’S A COST THEY WILL NOT PAY.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

1/5
NOW GATHER ‘ROUND AND LISTEN CLOSE TO THE BALLAD OF ANTLER PASS
WHERE EACH AND EVERY LOCAL LEARNED THAT LOGGING JOBS DON’T LAST
THE SAWMILL SWALLOWED UP THE WOODS AND BROUGHT REMUNERATION
BUT THE FICKLE WINDS OF FORTUNE DO NOT FAVOR DISTANT STATIONS
SHE CLOSED HER DOORS WHEN THE PRICE OF BOARDS FELL TOO LOW TO COMPETE
AND THE SACKLERS LOOSED KING IVORY UPON THE RUTTED STREETS.
THE SPECTER STALKED FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE AND FILLED THE TOWN WITH NEED
AND SO IT FELL TO #MOOSECOP TO POLICE THIS LONELY BEAT.

MOOSE COP MIGHT BE A BASTARD, LIKE EVERY COP WHO CAME BEFORE,
BUT DAMN IT, HE’S OUR BASTARD, AND OF THIS YOU CAN BE SURE.
HE METES OUT WOODLAND JUSTICE AND HE METES IT OUT THE BEST
THE LAW’S HIS ONLY LOVER, AND ITS BREAKERS HE DETESTS.
THE SOFTEST VIOLATIONS HE WILL MARK OUT FOR ARREST;
LIKE SPEEDING IN A SUBARU OR SPORTING BLAZE ORANGE VESTS.
BUT LOOMING IN THE FOREST IS A STICKY SITUATION:
FOR BOOTLEG MAPLE SYRUP MAKES ITS WAY INTO OUR NATION.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

@chad @amyfou >how did I not already know about #moosecop

Duh, living on the sun? Naw, moosecop's kinda fallen off the radar recently. #MooseCop on sabatacal from APPD to help fight all those forest fires. Adept at trapsing through dense foliage, he's good at covering lots of ground for the #smokejumpers.

Speaking of which, Ranch Dip, I totes forgot we have a wiki and I keep forgetting to update it.

https://beige.party/@chad/110097432370523310

how did I not already know about #mooseCop?

NEWCOMERS SHOULD BE AWARE OF TWO THINGS:

1. #MOOSECOP IS A CRUCIAL PIECE OF FEDIVERSE LORE. HE IS A TACITURN LAWMAN WHO WALKS THE ANTLER PASS BEAT, FIGHTS SYRUP SMUGGLERS, AND HAS AN INDETERMINATE MIXTURE OF HUMAN AND MOOSE FEATURES. HE'S STILL A BASTARD. ONE DAY, HE'LL FIND THE HUNTER WHO SHOT HIS PARTNER, BEAR COP. IT'S NOT CLEAR YET WHETHER JUSTICE OR VENGEANCE WILL FOLLOW. THE DOOFUSES AT HULU HAVE RETURNED NONE OF OUR COLLECTIVE EMAILS.

2. #johnmastodon IS THE FICTIONAL FOUNDER AND GUARDIAN OF THE FEDIVERSE. HE IS EVERYTHING ELON MUSK WISHES HE WAS. THINK A SUPER-GENIUS PAUL BUNYAN MEETS CHUCK NORRIS JOKES WHO DOES EVERYTHING RIGHT AND HAS SOUND POLITICS.

#MOOSECOP STARES. THEN SPITS A TICKET THROUGH MY OPEN WINDOW. IT IS WET.

Handmade deer antler lamp from Antler Pass Home Decor & More. Locally made in Antler Pass- home of Moose Cop, internationally known purveyor of peace.

#moosecop
#moosecophulu
#antlerpass

@Alice @LRRRonEarth @KevBot Moose cop looks at the screen, a tad wistful.

He has long since learned to accept that people don't believe a moose could be a proper professional.

As he slowly starts to chew on the laptop, moose cop is already thinking of other, happier things.

Like his wife and kids at home (shot of moose female and two young ones destroying the siding of a house) or his hobbies (shot of moose cop chewing on a motorcycle).

#MooseCop

@SchlocklusterVideo #MooseCop looks around nervously #tcmparty

@LRRRonEarth @JStatePost Though its funny, you never hear #MOOSECOP complaining about Antler Pass's mediochre pension plan.

They never did find all those suitcases of money did they?

@JStatePost HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESTED BY #MOOSECOP SO I'M GUESSING "NEITHER."

WORK TRUCK: And I would have gotten away with it if wasn't for you tenacious small town constabulary and your meddling... moose.

CHIEF: That bears no truck with me, Work Truck. we would have won that competition fair and T-square. Take him away Impound Ted.

WORK TRUCK: You haven't heard the last from me!

MOOSECOP SHAKES HIS ANTLERS

MIDGE: You can say that again!

LAUGHTER. CREDITS

2/2 #moosecop

SCENE: EXTERIOR, ANTLER PASS PD HQ. DAY

CHIEF TUESDAY: Good work Constable Midge, #MOOSECOP, now we'll see who's behind this string of late night bylaw infringing deck renovations.

MIDGE PULLS THE PLASTIC TARP OFF THE SUSPECT

MIDGE: Work Truck!? But..

WORK TRUCK: Aha! It IS me! I was tired of the Zoning Department delays! All I wanted was to make sure Antler Pass would win Cottage Life's Cottage Town Of The Year competition!

MOOSECOP: <snort>

1/2

@joewynne I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT, JOE. YOU'RE ALRIGHT.

AFTER SOME SOUL-SEARCHING, I THINK THIS IS AN HONOR FROM THE UNIVERSE FOR OUR COLLECTIVE CONTRIBUTIONS TO #MOOSECOP LORE.

@joewynne I LOVE ME SOME #MOOSECOP BUT I KINDA WANT THESE ADORABLE LITTLE MOOSELINGS TO SPEND THEIR FIRST DAYS BLITHELY UNAWARE OF THE STATE'S MONOPOLY ON VIOLENCE AND MOOSE COP'S CENTRAL ROLE IN METING OUT THAT VIOLENCE.

@MicheleV_AK #MooseCop thx for your service!