5/5
#BADGOOSE HAS COME FOR MONEY AND TO FILL THE WORLD WITH JUNK
AND TO CLEAR AWAY THE LAW MAN, HE HAS BROUGHT WITH HIM #GUNSKUNK
THIS PAIR OF EVIL BASTARDS HAS THE SPIRIT AND THE GUMPTION.
TO FULLY FREE THE SURP FOR HUMAN CONTRABAND CONSUMPTION.
THERE’S MORE THAN SEVERAL FORTUNES IN THIS STICKY SWEET BROWN GOLD
AND WITHOUT THE #MOOSECOP BUTTING IN, THOSE FABLED RICHES MIGHT BE KNOWN.
THEY ROLLED IN FROM THE BORDER JUST IN TIME FOR SYRUPFEST
AND IT’S NOT CLEAR HOW THIS ENDS; PERHAPS ONE DAY WE’LL KNOW THE REST.

SO THIS IS WHERE WE STAND, MY SCATTERED FEDIVERSAL FRIENDS:
BAD GOOSE, GUN SKUNK, AND MOOSE COP RACING TOWARD A BITTER END.
WILL ANTLER PASS’S FINEST FEED THESE CRIMINALS THEIR TEETH,
OR WILL THEY FIND TWELVE FEET OF DIRT TO PUT MOOSE COP BENEATH?
WILL THEY EVER FIND THE KILLER WHO STRIPPED MOOSE WIFE AWAY
LIKE SO MANY STRIPS OF BIRCH BARK ON THAT BLACK DECEMBER DAY?
WILL OUR LOCAL LAWMAN WALK THIS LONELY NORTHERN BEAT?
MY MONEY IS ON MOOSE COP, BUT OUR STORY’S INCOMPLETE.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

4/5
#MOOSECOP IS MORE THAN A MERE ANIMAL; HE IS A NOBLE BEAST
HE BATTLES WITH HIS DEMONS, NO LESS THAN YOU OR ME.
BUT MORE THAN THAT, I THINK HE’S SAD, ALTHOUGH IT’S HARD TO SEE
EVER SINCE HE LOST HIS #MOOSEWIFE, I THINK HE’S GOT SOME PTSD
YOU CAN READ IT IN HIS FEATURES WHEN HE GOES TO THAT DARK PLACE
HER DEATH IS ANTLER PASS’S ONLY CAPITAL AND UNSOLVED CASE.
THE FROZEN GROUND, THE TRAIL OF BLOOD, THE SWIRLING WINTER SNOW;
THE CROWDED STATE PARK PARKING LOT WHERE HER KILLER’S TRAIL RAN COLD.

A NOTE TIED TO A ROCK AND THROWN CLEAR THROUGH A CABIN DOOR
MIGHT MAKE A LESSER LAWMAN DOUBT HIS RESOLVE TO ENDURE
THE THREAT OF CERTAIN VIOLENCE MANY SMALL TOWN COPS ABHOR
BUT THIS IS FUCKING MOOSE COP AND HE’S ITCHING FOR A WAR
COULD THIS BE MOOSE WIFE’S KILLER? COULD IT BE A SYRUP SMUGGLER?
PERHAPS IT’S A COP KILLER OR A JILTED MOOSE COP LOVER.
IT NEVER HAS BEEN EASY FOR A LAWMAN AND A MOOSE
BUT I DOUBT IT COULD GET HARDER THAN A VISIT FROM #BADGOOSE.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

3/5
IT’S NOT ALL WINE AND ROSES IN THIS NORTHERN TWO-HORSE BURG;
THE TOURIST MONEY COMES AND GOES; THE SKIING’S GETTING WORSE.
THE PEOPLE FROM THE CITIES BOUGHT UP COUNTLESS PROPERTIES
AND LEASE THEM OUT TO TOURISTS AS THOSE DAMNED AIRBNBS.
BUT AS FAR AS BORDER VILLAGES THAT FILL THE WOODED SPACE
‘TWEEN WASHINGTON, ONTARIO, MONTANA, AND THE LAKES,
QUEBEC AND NOVA SCOTIA, MINNESOTA AND SAULT SAINTE,
#ANTLERPASS MUST BE THE FINEST, BECAUSE ITS FINEST IS SO GREAT.

SLOSHING THROUGH THE MUSKEG OR CHEWING WILLOW BRANCHES
HE’S ALWAYS UP FOR FEEDING CRIMINALS A #MOOSECOP KNUCKLE SANDWICH
THERE’S NO LINE HE WOULDN’T CROSS, NO UNBURNABLE WOOD BRIDGE.
THE ONE THING KEEPING HIM IN LINE MUST BE HIS PARTNER, MIDGE.
WHETHER ON A STAKEOUT OR SHAKING DOWN A SYRUP SMUGGLER,
MIDGE ALWAYS TROTS OUT GOOD COP BEFORE MOOSE COP MAKES A BLUNDER.
ALTHOUGH MOOSE COP’S POLICE INSTINCTS MIGHT SEE HIM WHALING ON A PERP,
MIDGE BUTS INTO THE RAMPAGE AND ASKS: “WHO’S TRYNA #FREETHESURP ?”

#MooseCopHulu

2/5
JURISDICTION’S JUST ANOTHER WORD THAT #MOOSECOP DOESN’T KNOW
BECAUSE WHEN SOMETHING DOESN’T SET WITH HIM, THAT SOMETHING’S GOTTA GO.
HE DEFENDS LEGAL ABSTRACTIONS WITH ZEAL THAT BEGGARS BELIEF;
MOOSE COP’S OFTEN AT LOGGERHEADS WITH ANTLER PASS’S CHIEF.
“OUR BUDGET ISN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO COMMANDEER
A LOGGING TRUCK AND RAM IT THROUGH GRANDPAPPY’S SOUVENIRS”
MOOSE COP KNOWS THE DRILL AND HE WILL OFFER UP HIS GUN
BUT IT NEVER TAKE TOO LONG BEFORE HIS UNPAID LEAVE IS DONE.

THE LOCALS UNDERSTAND MC HAD CRIMINALS TO CATCH
AND HIS UNGULATE CHARISMA IS IMPOSSIBLE TO MATCH
HE CUTS A HANDSOME FIGURE IN HIS AVIATOR GLASSES,
WOODLAND KHAKI UNIFORM AND ANTLERS: TALL AND MASSIVE.
THE FOLKS AT CITY HALL ALL KNOW THAT MOOSE COP IS THEIR MAN,
AND IF PAPPY HAS A CLAIM TO FILE, HELL, THEY DAMN WELL UNDERSTAND
THE COST OF CHASING ORDER—COULD IT BE TOO HIGH TO PAY?
IF THE COST IS LOSING MOOSE COP, IT’S A COST THEY WILL NOT PAY.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

1/5
NOW GATHER ‘ROUND AND LISTEN CLOSE TO THE BALLAD OF ANTLER PASS
WHERE EACH AND EVERY LOCAL LEARNED THAT LOGGING JOBS DON’T LAST
THE SAWMILL SWALLOWED UP THE WOODS AND BROUGHT REMUNERATION
BUT THE FICKLE WINDS OF FORTUNE DO NOT FAVOR DISTANT STATIONS
SHE CLOSED HER DOORS WHEN THE PRICE OF BOARDS FELL TOO LOW TO COMPETE
AND THE SACKLERS LOOSED KING IVORY UPON THE RUTTED STREETS.
THE SPECTER STALKED FROM HOUSE TO HOUSE AND FILLED THE TOWN WITH NEED
AND SO IT FELL TO #MOOSECOP TO POLICE THIS LONELY BEAT.

MOOSE COP MIGHT BE A BASTARD, LIKE EVERY COP WHO CAME BEFORE,
BUT DAMN IT, HE’S OUR BASTARD, AND OF THIS YOU CAN BE SURE.
HE METES OUT WOODLAND JUSTICE AND HE METES IT OUT THE BEST
THE LAW’S HIS ONLY LOVER, AND ITS BREAKERS HE DETESTS.
THE SOFTEST VIOLATIONS HE WILL MARK OUT FOR ARREST;
LIKE SPEEDING IN A SUBARU OR SPORTING BLAZE ORANGE VESTS.
BUT LOOMING IN THE FOREST IS A STICKY SITUATION:
FOR BOOTLEG MAPLE SYRUP MAKES ITS WAY INTO OUR NATION.

#AntlerPass #MooseCopHulu

Handmade deer antler lamp from Antler Pass Home Decor & More. Locally made in Antler Pass- home of Moose Cop, internationally known purveyor of peace.

#moosecop
#moosecophulu
#antlerpass

@daisy

Oh! So that’s what that was! Why was Moose Cop there? Is that like for bonus points?

#MooseCop #MooseCopHulu

Moose strolls into Alaska movie theater, eats popcorn
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qGM7mpkLEY

#moosecop
#moosecophulu

OPENING THEME TO THE HULU SERIES "MOOSE COP"

A moose comes out of the forest and runs through a police officer's hanging laundry. He emerges as a fully dress cop. The theme music is a fast paced heavy metal version of Lean On Me by Bill Withers.

#moosecop
#moosecophulu

The worst days are the ones when folks’ comfortable routines get upended. Never thought to be such a fan of the status quo, but nobody wins when the loons get all riled up.

See, you only want to hear from loons out along a misty lake, when they’re the ones with license to end the early morning silence. But then Fox makes a change to its nightly schedule, and next day you’re bound to have some loons making noise in the town square.

Course, folks’ll call in and complain, ‘bout how they can’t just enjoy the Donut Shop like they always do, what with the loons crying all over the place. And, well, you get enough of that and it’s “disturbing the peace.”

See, it’s Moose Cop’s job to keep the peace. And days like today, that means trying to talk sense into loons.

#moosecop #moosecophulu #tuckercarlson

The dank wallows have dried. Forest flowers stand up in quiet warming. It's been months since the rut, safe rooms are abandoned for now. Time to look to some clues.

#moosecop #moosecophulu

an ever present stream of thought rustles like wind across the plains of moose cops mind so constant he is barely aware it is the eternal debate of law constructed and imposed over a natural world that knows only chaos and it thrums in the blood of every beast that could be called noble

#moosecop #moosecophulu

So much fuss has been made of a meme featuring Moose Cop. He's such a sensation that a casual photo of him in the Antler Pass Memorial Hospital lobby makes it into national tabloids. Moose Cop was simply paying a visit to a friend who accidentally severed an artery while fishing. Our cervid celebrity was eating on plants the hospital provides for all the elk and moose who pass through.

Much ado about nothing....

#moosecop
#moosecophulu
#antlerpass

Moose Cop made it clear that it was the squirrel informant Knibptlik that broke the case wide open and the Chief grumbled that all squirrels look alike to him. Moose Cop stormed out of the office before he did something rash.

#moosecop #moosecophulu #moosecopwiki

Summer lasts about three weeks in Antler Pass. That's when the town holds its annual Maple Daze street fair. You'll see men and women, elk and moose casually strolling down the closed off section of Antler Pass Avenue. Under a tent you might see maple syrup wrestling. On down from there you can watch a pancake discus throw. All of its pretty much like any given day at the Antler Pass'N Gas.

#moosecop
#moosecophulu
#antlerpass

Midge placed a hand on the young reporter, who was trying to hold back tears. "Honey, there are many fish in the sea and, believe me, you do not want to get involved with this one. He's married to the job." She turned her head to throw shade.

Moose Cop stared at the Most Wanted List again, chewing.

#MooseCop #moosecop #moosecophulu #moosecopwiki

POLICE CHIEF: "This article says a dog's sense of smell is 10,000 times better than ours. Maybe we should get a police dog. That would make your job a lot easier. Wouldn't it?"

ELK DETECTIVE: [scoffs and tosses back his scarf]

#moosecop
#moosecophulu
#elkdetective

OFFICER MIDGE: "Barb down at the diner says a dishwasher named Floyd stopped showing up for work the day those teens disappeared. A real loner type.... Any word from forensics about that severed leg found in the creek?"

POLICE CHIEF: "Loosen up a little, Tiddles. All you think about is work since that man of yours left. Have some of Mother Fedora's Toaster Pancakes."

MOOSE COP: [tears a box of pancakes open and flings pancakes everywhere]

OFFICER MIDGE: "I care about the parents of those missing kids! What's gotten into you, Moose Cop??? You used to care as much as I do."

MOOSE COP: [sucking on a bottle of Hungry Jack's Butter Maple Syrup]

#moosecop
#moosecophulu
#moosecopwiki

Midge: “Do you think there’s anything out there beyond Antler Pass?

Moose Cop: *stares directly into the camera, with his left eye only, as he is a prey animal and lacks binocular vision*

#moosecop #moosecophulu

Knowledge is a tool, which means it can be malformed or broken (i.e., false). This broken or false knowledge is still knowledge, but what is built with it is, so to speak, a palace of lies.

This has been your reminder that philosophy isn’t completely useless. Back to our regularly scheduled programming (#moosecophulu).