"You can’t make your family treat you well, but you can make sure you’re not around for them to mistreat you." - Carolyn Hax, Washington Post

https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2023/07/05/carolyn-hax-single-aunt-couch/

This quote sums up why I had togo #NoContact and #LowContact with many family members. (Best decision I've ever made!)

You can't make people change or treat you well, but you can change and expect better for yourself and even give yourself better.

Because #MentalWellness is important.

#MentalHealth #family #CPTSD

Oh, OK...so it's not no contact with Nauta...it's no contact "about the case."...yeah...sure, Jan.

#NoContact

The #magistrate also ruled that as a special #condition of the #bond, #Trump should have #NoContact w/ #witnesses about the facts of the case except through their counsel. The govt will generate a list of such witnesses at a later date.

Doubt TFG will adhere to either conditions.
#ClassifiedDocuments #Obstruction #Espionage #NationalSecurity #DOJ #Legal #Justice
https://www.nytimes.com/live/2023/06/13/us/trump-indictment-arraignment-court/72030d43-d9ec-5952-8b3f-f40e1335e89c?smid=url-share

... all of that was before I could leave home. And no one cared. No one stepped in. No one tried to help. And no one wanted to believe me about my step-dad -- to this day.

I was kicked out when I begged my mom, who is still married to that monster, for help. I'm her only child and we have been #NoContact for years in part because she won't believe the truth.

This is why women don't come forward. We're abused and then we're punished.

We hear you, #ejeancarroll. We believe you.

What Can Happen When #Affair Partners Go #NoContact?

The first step of the affair recovery process is to assure that the relationship with the outside party is fully concluded. But sometimes this process is not always so straightforward.

Sometimes the effect is not what you think. What can happen when affair partners go no-contact?

https://lovebonds.net/affair-recovery-and-the-no-contact-rule/

Today I am having emancipation mousse with my friend who also has gone no-contact with a parent.

I went no-contact with one parent 10 years ago and then the other one about 2 weeks ago. So I definitely need some mousse, or maybe a cheesecake... Mmm cake.

#Trauma #TraumaRecovery #NoContact

#ParallelParenting is the only viable way to go if you share #custody with a #narcissist, #histrionic or #borderline ex.

Until the kids age out, you can’t go full #NoContact. Parallel parenting is basically a #LowContact model of #coparenting for #HighConflict people who are psychologically incapable of co-parenting. The premise being that it’s not divorce that is damaging to children, but rather parents who continue to engage in conflict after the #divorce. You hash out as many kid decisions in the custody agreement so there’s theoretically less to argue about later. Although, Crazy will often want to argue about things they’ve already agreed to.

#BIFF communication is an important skillset and vital to successful parallel parenting. BIFF stands for brief, informative, firm and friendly. However, I think that friendly often signals “bulldoze my #boundaries,” and recommend a civil business tone.

The #BPD, #NPD, #HPD ex will continue to be provocative and try to engage you via inflammatory emails/texts using a combination of character assassination, #gaslighting, #projection, #FalseAllegations and #DARVO. In other words, the same old same old.

If you’re doing BIFF well, you don’t bite on any of the emotional baiting. You learn to ignore the bullshit and only reply to legitimate kid issues. This can be incredibly difficult. Especially if you’re prone to #JADE-ing (justify, argue, defend, explain) and have other #codependent #PeoplePleaser traits.

This is why having a menu of canned responses can be helpful. For example, if your #CrazyEx is a “I WANT AN ANSWER NOW!!! IF YOU DON’T REPLY IMMEDIATELY, I’LL TAKE YOU BACK TO COURT AND TELL THE JUDGE YOU REFUSE TO COPARENT! IF I DON’T HEAR BACK FROM YOU IN 30 SECONDS, I’M GOING TO TAKE THAT AS A YES AND DO WHAT I WANT TO DO ANYWAY!!! YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! I’M NOT YOUR VICTIM ANYMORE!!!”

Ordinarily, I recommend ignoring this kind of message for kid non-emergencies (e.g., BBB - blood, broken bones, brain damage). Are you concerned the ex will, for example, book a non-refundable vacation during your custody time, get the kids excited and thereby set you up to be the bad guy when you say no (as you should when a BPD/NPD/HPD pulls that kind of power stunt)? Then you can reply, “I’ll think about it and get back to you in a few days.” And then ignore the ensuing #AdultTemperTantrum.

I recommend doing this even if you already know your answer is No. Why? To train the ex not to expect instant replies. Depending on the severity of the ex’s #ClusterB pathology, that may never happen. Nevertheless, it’s important to have boundaries even if they don’t respect them. One, because it’s healthy for you. Two, if you have a semi-rational/semi-unbiased judge and/or kid therapist, they’ll be better able to see who the problem parent is.

#AbuseHasNoGender

And so it begins. Feed a fever, starve a psycho!©

#shrink4men #ValentinesDay2023 #NoContact #narcissist #borderline #npd #bpd #AbuseHasNoGender

To wish the #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic ex a happy birthday, or not to wish the #NPD, #BPD or #HPD ex a happy birthday? That is the no-win situation question.

1) If you don’t share minor children, heck no. Why aren’t you #NoContact? Be honest with yourself. Are you really “being nice” (vomit emoji), or hoping for some recognition that you’re really a good guy/gal?

2) If you share custody, I recommend helping younger kids (12 and under) make cards and gifts or purchase a nominal gift ($10-$20 USD). Most kids 12 and under are unemployed. Something extravagant feeds the #entitlement monster. It's also #PeoplePleaser #doormat behavior.

3) Once the kids are teens, acknowledging mom’s birthday, making a gift or buying a gift (if they don’t have an allowance or a job) is on them. If your ex’s #LoveLanguage is “Buy me lots of expensive crap,” you’ll likely get some #NarcissisticInjury fueled blowback.

4) Don’t expect a #ClusterB #PersonalityDisorder ex to encourage the kids to acknowledge your birthday whether you choose to help the kids celebrate her birthday or not.

Final thought: THINK MACARONI NECKLACE.

In my work, adult children of #narcissist, #borderline and #histrionic mothers (#ACON) who go #NoContact or #LowContact often have a harder time than clients who’ve done the same with #toxic fathers.

Ending ties with an #AbusiveMom begets a, “but she’s your mother...” social and familial #GuiltTrip and other #ShamingTactics.

Whereas clients who end or limit contact with similarly abusive dads are lauded as brave and as making the healthy choice.

Explains a lot, doesn’t it? (Think family court).

#AbuseHasNoGender #NPD #BPD #HPD

The #NoContact Prayer © 2023

[Insert deity of your choice and/or Dawkins/Hitchens] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to install the best block my #CrazyEx apps
on all my devices, amen.

If you haven't yet, what are you waiting for?

#AbuseHasNoGender #NPD #BPD #HPD #narcissist #borderline #histrionic #psychopath #sociopath

Going #NoContact with someone I love very much feels like I'm at a funeral. It feels like I'm grieving a death. Am I just extra dramatic?

I'm not a royal watcher, but I am an avid #Colbert fan.

Anyway, what #PrinceHarry says about #trauma, #recovery, and going #NoContact with family rings true to me. I feel seen, and didn't expect that from someone like him.

"I want this to stop with me."

I feel like that is my role in my family, up to and including not having children. 🛑

I get what he's doing now, and I applaud him. (Sings, "This little light of mine ..."🕯)

https://youtu.be/E6l0ObY2XVM
#NoStigma #MentalHealth #CPTSD

🧵

The other 1% of the time, I wonder what's the point of me even trying.
.
I have to constantly assert myself to make my identity be respected, had to go #NoContact with all of my siblings and my mother (at least for the moment) to protect my sanity, and wonder if the cis people in my life who treat me in a positive way do so because they truly accept me as a woman, or if they simply want to avoid being cut-off.
.
Musings over.

9/9

But will these proud #Christians learn this lesson and downsize? No they will most likely make it about them and cast evil as the people that disagree with them. Or they could let their brother, a living santa, live with them? Only time will tell.

I told my spouse ahead of time what I texted so she was prepared for his interpretation. He received my text as "hostile" which clued me into his state of mind. I had cut him off before he could react because I give #NoContact to abuse.

@godlessmom

This is weird because ignoring and #NoContact with a controlling person is the easiest way to save one's sanity. I believe that people usually care more about money than their own values. I believe this is why capitalism and religiosity are mixing more. The problem as I see it is the religionists seek to embed their "morals" into the system and this creates the top-down "I know better than you because I believe 'X'" Then some Jake Ace picks up the verbage and $ells it back.

🧵 ...is #autistic, dates someone that their parents don't approve of, doesn't want to continue going to #Church, or a plethora of other things? I want them to know that their tranny aunt exists, loves them, and will always be there for them.

3) If I go #NoContact (#NC) then what does that mean of me as a person? Other people get through hard things too, and don't do such a drastic thing. Am I broken, like I have been made to believe?

5/?

Writing the letters to my mom and 5 siblings this week to set down hard-line boundaries for their behaviors. And going #NoContact if they don't follow them.

Yay being a Tranny from a militantly Catholic family. My dad is the only one that's even trying.

#LeSigh #Trans #JustTransThings #Transgender #ReligiousTrauma

I made a little list of things to tell my therapist that I've figured out happened in previous Novembers so far.

Going #NoContact w/ both parents several years apart. Being dx with #PsA. The grandparent I named myself after died. A storm took out our power for 11 days right after my dx and I couldn't handle it. Thanksgiving exists.

Let the holiday tantrums begin!

Or not. Just say no (#NoContact, that is) to #ChristmasKaren. If you're stuck with them (still married/share kids) then disengage, detach and ignore as best you can.

#NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas #NoDrama