So you’re thinking about not spending time with your #ToxicFamily this #Christmas, #Hanukkah, #Festivus, #Atheist, but still enjoy a Christmas tree, etc., this year. Good on you!

Before settling in for a long winter’s nap in your kerchief or cap, I suggest the following:

1. Gird your loins – whatever this means to you. Meditation, medication, primal screams, working out, making time to do nothing, extra dog walks, watching the Colin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice or Throw Momma from the Train on endless repeat. Again, whatever works for you.

2. Let the least toxic family member know you’re sitting this year out.

3. Mute phone contacts who are #enablers and/or #FlyingMonkeys for the apex #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic in anticipation of rolling #GuiltTrips, #shame, #balme and other #manipulation.

4. If you struggle with guilt and #obligation, #RealityTest x 100. Remember, choosing to opt out of abuse, drama and holiday histrionics isn’t wrong. Seriously, you're not doing anything wrong! You’re exercising healthy #boundaries and practicing #SelfCare.

As an adult, you get to choose what’s best for you. It is your responsibility to yourself.

Besides, opting out of holiday visits gives #NPD/ #BPD/ #HPD parent, sibling, etc., fresh #ProfessionalVictim™ material. And let’s face, they’re going to victim it up whether you visit or not.

And, since they love nothing more than a nice new juicy tale of victimhood, your absence is the best gift you can give them!

In other words, "You’re welcome, mom and/or dad!"

#AbuseHasNoGender #NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas

This cartoon supports (not really) my theory that #cats embody traits of the #narcissist/ #borderline. Here's one example of what a #NPD/ #BPD Christmas Attack and Destroy mission blueprint might look like:

I'm so excited for Christmas! ->
Remember when you proposed? ->
You ruined my big day because you didn't get the ring I wanted! ->
You're cheap just like your father! ->
My family's Christmas is better than yours! ->
You didn't buy the right wrapping paper! ->
Why are you wearing that shirt?! You're going to ruin the family Instagram photos! ->
Your family is rude to me! ->
They need to apologize for all the imaginary things they've done to me! ->
You have a weird relationship with your sister ->
Don't even think of inviting your family over! ->
F--k you! You can go visit your family on your own! ->
All your ex-girlfriends are fat! ->
Why didn't you get any milk?! You should know to check the fridge to see if there's anything I forgot on my list! ->
Why did you hang that ornament there!?!?! You can't do anything right! ->
Why should I thank you for anything?! You wouldn't know what to buy me if I didn't tell you! ->
You didn't thank ME enough for the ice scraper, reindeer socks and weird discount gummi bears made in Albania I hand selected for you in the Marshall's checkout line!!! ->
I'm NEVER buying you another present with the money you earn AGAIN!!! ->
You ruin everything! I hate you! Don't leave me! ->

Annnnnd scene.

For those of you that are out of the NPD/BPD/ #HPD relationship hellscape, how much don't you miss all of the above? What was your #Crazy ex's usual holiday destroy and attack routine?

#AbuseHasNoGender #NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas

#EmotionalLabor isn't the melodramatic self-imposed martyrdom many #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic or #ClusterB variety pack partners and/or parents inflict upon themselves and their families.

Based upon the social media misuse of the term, "emotional labor" is what these individuals "suffer" during the holidays, special occasions and daily life when reality fails to meet their unreasonable and irrationally high expectations for a picture perfect life. An #Instagram #Influencer life in which everyone and everything magically falls into place to aggrandize their public image, #FalseSelf and grossly inflated sense of worth.

Nor is emotional labor the irritation, resentment, contempt and anger the #NPD, #BPD, #HPD person feels when their partners and kids fail to appreciate, worship and submit to their unrealistic expectations (e.g., #MindReading), BS martyrdom, #CovertContracts and other forms of #EmotionalManipulation.

Emotional labor (in its original application) is the act of managing one’s emotions in the workplace. “More specifically, workers are expected to regulate their emotions during interactions with customers, co-workers and superiors. This includes analysis and decision making in terms of the expression of emotion, whether actually felt or not, as well as its opposite: the suppression of emotions that are felt but not expressed” (Arlie Hothschild, 1983).

In 2017, a few intrepid gender studies instructors and bloggers (including Gemma Hartley) co-opted the term emotional labor to mean something it doesn’t mean. The term is now yet another way for a subset of privileged women with, shall we say, certain characterological issues to claim “oppression” at the hands of their ungrateful husbands and equally ungrateful children.

Since Hartley’s groundbreaking 2017 diary of an oppressed stay-at-home #mommyblogger, "Women Aren’t Nags — We’re Just Fed Up: Emotional Labor is the Unpaid Job Men Still Don’t Understand," other similarly-afflicted women have glommed onto her viral misappropriation. Lo and behold, an alternate usage section was added to the Wiki page in 2020. Thus, not really legitimizing Gemma’s misuse of the term after the fact.

To be fair, enduring (without snapping) the egregious #VictimPlaying and #abuse by NPD/BPD family members this time of year is unpaid is a lotta work!

On a separate note, let's discuss #MatchingPajamas. When I see these photos, I immediately assume -- correctly or incorrectly -- NPD mom/wife. I know this isn't true in some cases.

Nevertheless, anyone dating a single mom who wants to dress you in matching jammies (especially when in never-ending custody disputes with the kids' actual father/other mother) -- just run. RUN. Jump in your magic sleigh and haul reindeer ass.

#AbuseHasNoGender #NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas #SelfCare

A #dysfunctionalfamily typically puts a high premium on outwardly appearing picture perfect. Behind closed doors and off of social media, nothing could be further from the truth.

#toxicpeople #NPD #BPD #HPD #codependency #NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas #selfcare

Let the holiday tantrums begin!

Or not. Just say no (#NoContact, that is) to #ChristmasKaren. If you're stuck with them (still married/share kids) then disengage, detach and ignore as best you can.

#NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas #NoDrama

For anyone who still needs some third party "permission" to opt out of a #ToxicFamily #Thanksgiving: Feel the guilt and say no anyway!

A socially distanced, manageable guilt trip is way better than in your face blame, shame, rage, pout and tantrum with turkey and stuffing. Also, if you family guilt trips and shames you for practicing #selfcare and #boundaries, that tells you all you need to know. In other words, opting out is the sane choice!

#npdfreechristmas #bpdfreechristmas #npd #bpd #hpd #narcissist #borderline #AbuseHasNoGender

During the #Thanksgiving and holiday season, it's okay to take a hard pass on #ToxicAssholes in your family -- e.g., the #ChristmasKaren, #DramaLlama, #AdultToddler, #Grinch and any other form of malignant Crazy.

#NPDfreeChristmas #BPDfreeChristmas #Friendsgiving