I'm not saying I'm old but, when I was young, my mom went broke buying me book bags.

The stone tablets kept ripping through the bottom.

#OldPeopleOfMastodon

I'm not saying I'm old but...
if you see Ben Franklin, tell him I want my kite back and that I've been locked out of my house for 271 years.

#OldPeopleOfMastodon

Me: "Where's my phone?"

Mrs. Miasma: "I don't know. You know you can use your Apple watch to find your phone, right?"

Me: "Yes. Where's my Apple watch?"

#OldPeopleofMastodon

Those were the days my friend
When my young legs could bend
And I'd climb hills
And walk for miles and miles.
Get by on two hours sleep.
I thought my hair I'd keep.
And that I'd never have to deal with piles!

#oldpeopleofmastodon

Well, it's Saturday. The morning is clear and temperate. The grass stands stands tall and insouciant.

We must change that.

Jean-Michel is nervous and impatient to be loosed from his pen.

Soon, we'll ride again for honor and the HOA bylaws!

#OldPeopleofMastodon
#Lawn

Listening to Mungo Jerry's "In the Summertime"

I believe I've just invented a new style of dancing. I call it "Move the body-parts that still work."

Feel free to dance along but stability's an issue so don't fall down.

Mungo Jerry - In The Summertime

https://youtu.be/wvUQcnfwUUM?si=yvMgf-hGaH-7ty4b

#Music
#MusicVideo
#OldPeopleofMastodon

Maybe you can just add this to my list of old people bullshit and things I’ve lost touch with, but I don’t understand how a dog costs more than $50 or cat more than $30. A vet bill shouldn’t be more than $15.

What the fuck is happening when a dog is $2500 (family member) and a cat is $2800 (family member’s friend)?

It’s supposed to be a pet, not a wedding ring. By the way, that three month’s salary bullshit was proposed by the assholes selling the devil’s clear rocks.

#OldPeopleOfMastodon

@riversidebryan
Not forgetting is a tall order for me 😳 but promise I'll try #OldPeopleOfMastodon

@madgeface @sugar Strong agree! Sometimes it’s tricky because you THINK you’ve known something FOREVER, but it’s important to remember that stuff CHANGES, and younger folks may know better than you.
I just try to be humble-ish.
#OldPeopleofMastodon

@SpaceLifeForm @markmetz I'm sold old I worked in a dairy store where we exchanged the glass bottles and the cows were at the back.
#oldpeopleofmastodon

I cannot adequately describe the chaos that erupts at our house when two people still in their pajamas are confronted by an unexpected visitor ringing our door bell.

What kind of animal doesn't phone ahead before visiting?

#OldPeopleofMastodon

Charge!

My sturdy mount Jean-Michel and I rode out in support of the HOA's ridiculous lawn-care compliance bylaws this morning. I suspect I serve tyrants!

Anyway, many of you will be pleased to know that Mrs. Miasma has denied my request for a cavalry saber. 😠 🤷‍♂️

#LawnCare
#OldPeopleofMastodon

Today is my wedding anniversary. 9/1/91 (We did that so I only had to remember two numbers.)

I told Mrs. Miasma I wished we could take a digital photo of us as we are now, and send it back through time to the "us" that got married 32 years ago.

Mrs. Miasma said she believes her younger self would've thought "Well, it either went really well or *really* badly."

#Marriage
#OldPeopleofMastodon

@constantorbit @rowenamonde And 71 is the new 17. Just like at 17 I seem to spend a lot of time blundering around wondering what's happening and annoying people without trying. #OldPeopleOfMastodon

Grocery shopping completed for the week.

We don't go on Thursdays because it's "Senior Thursday" and as you can imagine with all the coupons an mobility scooters, it's mayhem.

We much prefer going on "Weirdo Wednesday," people don't stare as much.

#OldPeopleofMastodon

Last night Mrs. Miasma and I went outside to look at the beautiful stars and we learned some amazing things.

1. It is *impossible* to eat jello in the dark - Me.
2. Eating a freeze pop late at night will make you cold - Mrs. Miasma
3. Once you go back inside, you'll have a hot flash - Mrs. Miasma
4. The stars were beautiful for the three minutes we weren't distracted - Us.
5. We're probably closer to needing adult supervision than we'd like to admit - Us.

#Astronomy
#OldPeopleofMastodon

Gimme your best #NeverHaveIEver tale that plays to us #OldPeopleOfMastodon

It starts out with CSI reruns and jello with the little bits of fruit in it.

But that's just the geriatric gateway.

Before you know it, you're watching Matlock while eating Potato Salad.

And then you hit rock bottom and lose all your dignity.

Your family finds you in a darkened room, eating Cheez-its and watching Murder, She Wrote.

#OldPeopleofMastodon

All of my adult life I've been resentful about promises made to me in my fifth grade science class.

But after following behind a person driving twenty miles an hour under the speed limit with the left-turn blinker on for two miles (they never did turn), I'm finally ready to let go of my dream of owning an air car.

Who the hell were we kidding anyway?

#OldPeopleofMastodon

My packrat brain has reminded me that the lyrics of this old song might have some unintended and heightened resonance with these modern times. 🥺

#MentalSoundtrack #StatlerBrothers #country #1960s #NowPlaying
#covid #CovidIsNotOver #OldPeopleOfMastodon

https://youtu.be/ByVYVvnYOiw