Ce matin, je donne mes écouteurs à Petit Garçon pour qu’il demande à son papa de les mettre à charger. Sa réponse : « ok, mais après tu me demandes ‘est-ce que tu a mis les écouteurs à charger ?’ et je réponds oui et tu es contente, ok ? » 🥹 Ce que j’ai fait bien sûr. #PeoplePleaser

Rise And Shine Music: Marybeth Byrd – People Pleaser
Welcome to the Rise And Shine Music segment! Every morning, Geek Alabama will feature a different music video to start your day! Now, enjoy a music video to begin your day!

Enjoy "People Pleaser" by Marybeth Byrd.

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https://geekalabama.com/2023/04/25/rise-and-shine-music-marybeth-byrd-people-pleaser/
#RiseAndShineMusicStuff #MarybethByrd #MorningMusic #Musicvideo #PeoplePleaser #RiseAndShineMusic #StartTheDayMusic #SunriseMusic

There’s really no difference between the #LoveBombing pedestal (#idealization) and the it’s all your fault POS status (#devaluation). While one feels better than the other, both are equally meaningless. They’re just different versions of the same #manipulation. The carrot and the stick are one and the same to the #codependent #PeoplePleaser.

Meaning, both conditions can’t simultaneously be true. You can’t be the most amazing, special-est man/woman ever and the most horrible person ever. Especially when a #borderline, #narcissist or #histrionic partner vacillates between the two extremes multiple times within the same hour.

But which one is true? Again, neither.

So many clients are easily manipulated by the mercurial opinion of their #BPD, #NPD or #HPD partner. It's the reason they walk on eggshells. #ClusterB #PersonalityDisorder-ed people don’t have a cohesive, stable sense of themselves (i.e., #construct). Hence their rage and perceived #victimhood at the smallest and/or imaginary slight or criticism. As such, their construct of other people – including you -- is similarly unstable.

“You bought me a new car!!! Yay!!! I love you!!! Thank you, daddy!!!! Best daddy ever!!!!!”

“You won’t let me have a third cookie!!!! Mean mommy!!! I hate you!!!!!”

Therefore, any approval from a BPD, HPD or NPD person is meaningless if it can change on a dime. This becomes a manipulation tactic once they figure out the power they can wield by alternating withholding love or blowing smoke up your butt (i.e., variable ratio reinforcement schedule).

It’s all the same to them.

In my experience, these individuals enjoy being cruel more and resent having to love bomb or #Hoover. The overt cruelty is more enjoyable because of the contempt they feel for you for tolerating their abuse. I also suspect it makes them feel more powerful when their victim grovels for love. Contemptuous and powerful.

Furthermore, healthy adults don't change their opinion of you just because they occasionally feel irritated, hurt or disappointed by you. In fact, healthy adults can still love and respect their partner even when they’re super angry with them. And can do so without engaging in wanton cruelty or childish nonsense. Imagine that!

If you're still trying to make it work with a disordered partner because you don't think you can live without their approval, please understand that for which you’re tolerating abuse IS NOT REAL. It’s your codependency and need for external validation from someone who'll never be capable of giving it to you that's real. They'll continue to exploit your vulnerabilities and abuse you for as long as you're willing to suffer it and them.

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

Frazzled after reading some angry posts on social media today. Sometimes it's just not worth getting into it, but it's hard. I am a recovering people-pleaser!

How brilliant is this tune though? Found it on Tiktok by the amazing @hicorook and I'm excited to see that it's going to be released tomorrow! 😍

#ifiwereafish #momblogger #momhumor #adoption #kinshipcare #fostercare #recoveringpeoplepleaser #peoplepleaser #selfrestraint #supportsmallbusiness

I'm trying to apologize less. Or rather only at appropriate times. Not every time I fear I might be an inconvenience to someone. I also started telling/writing to people "no apologies needed" when they apologise for things that are just normal and I think you shouldn't feel like you have to apologize for.
I hope it signals to myself and others that many of the things we do are ~ ok ~.

#PeoplePleaser #OverApologizing

#ParallelParenting is the only viable way to go if you share #custody with a #narcissist, #histrionic or #borderline ex.

Until the kids age out, you can’t go full #NoContact. Parallel parenting is basically a #LowContact model of #coparenting for #HighConflict people who are psychologically incapable of co-parenting. The premise being that it’s not divorce that is damaging to children, but rather parents who continue to engage in conflict after the #divorce. You hash out as many kid decisions in the custody agreement so there’s theoretically less to argue about later. Although, Crazy will often want to argue about things they’ve already agreed to.

#BIFF communication is an important skillset and vital to successful parallel parenting. BIFF stands for brief, informative, firm and friendly. However, I think that friendly often signals “bulldoze my #boundaries,” and recommend a civil business tone.

The #BPD, #NPD, #HPD ex will continue to be provocative and try to engage you via inflammatory emails/texts using a combination of character assassination, #gaslighting, #projection, #FalseAllegations and #DARVO. In other words, the same old same old.

If you’re doing BIFF well, you don’t bite on any of the emotional baiting. You learn to ignore the bullshit and only reply to legitimate kid issues. This can be incredibly difficult. Especially if you’re prone to #JADE-ing (justify, argue, defend, explain) and have other #codependent #PeoplePleaser traits.

This is why having a menu of canned responses can be helpful. For example, if your #CrazyEx is a “I WANT AN ANSWER NOW!!! IF YOU DON’T REPLY IMMEDIATELY, I’LL TAKE YOU BACK TO COURT AND TELL THE JUDGE YOU REFUSE TO COPARENT! IF I DON’T HEAR BACK FROM YOU IN 30 SECONDS, I’M GOING TO TAKE THAT AS A YES AND DO WHAT I WANT TO DO ANYWAY!!! YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! I’M NOT YOUR VICTIM ANYMORE!!!”

Ordinarily, I recommend ignoring this kind of message for kid non-emergencies (e.g., BBB - blood, broken bones, brain damage). Are you concerned the ex will, for example, book a non-refundable vacation during your custody time, get the kids excited and thereby set you up to be the bad guy when you say no (as you should when a BPD/NPD/HPD pulls that kind of power stunt)? Then you can reply, “I’ll think about it and get back to you in a few days.” And then ignore the ensuing #AdultTemperTantrum.

I recommend doing this even if you already know your answer is No. Why? To train the ex not to expect instant replies. Depending on the severity of the ex’s #ClusterB pathology, that may never happen. Nevertheless, it’s important to have boundaries even if they don’t respect them. One, because it’s healthy for you. Two, if you have a semi-rational/semi-unbiased judge and/or kid therapist, they’ll be better able to see who the problem parent is.

#AbuseHasNoGender

To wish the #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic ex a happy birthday, or not to wish the #NPD, #BPD or #HPD ex a happy birthday? That is the no-win situation question.

1) If you don’t share minor children, heck no. Why aren’t you #NoContact? Be honest with yourself. Are you really “being nice” (vomit emoji), or hoping for some recognition that you’re really a good guy/gal?

2) If you share custody, I recommend helping younger kids (12 and under) make cards and gifts or purchase a nominal gift ($10-$20 USD). Most kids 12 and under are unemployed. Something extravagant feeds the #entitlement monster. It's also #PeoplePleaser #doormat behavior.

3) Once the kids are teens, acknowledging mom’s birthday, making a gift or buying a gift (if they don’t have an allowance or a job) is on them. If your ex’s #LoveLanguage is “Buy me lots of expensive crap,” you’ll likely get some #NarcissisticInjury fueled blowback.

4) Don’t expect a #ClusterB #PersonalityDisorder ex to encourage the kids to acknowledge your birthday whether you choose to help the kids celebrate her birthday or not.

Final thought: THINK MACARONI NECKLACE.

RT @FCKQDK@twitter.com

@DirkBachhausen@twitter.com @Anwalt_Jun@twitter.com @haintz_markus@twitter.com Der scheinbar größte Widerspruch beim Gefallenwollen von .@haintz_markus@twitter.com ist: je mehr er es versucht, desto schlechter gelingt es. #PeoplePleaser mag keiner wirklich, viele verachten die, die sich bei anderen einschleimen und sich wie ein Fähnchen im Wind verhalten.

🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/FCKQDK/status/1613810489838145538

This is a wonderfully well articulated post (in which I saw a little more of myself than I anticipated). Nicely written and painfully authentic. Check it out when you’ve got a chance and maybe subscribe to the author’s #Substack. (CW: Link contains descriptions of sensitive topics covered in therapy including preganancy and associated intrusive thoughts.) https://open.substack.com/pub/rosebrooke/p/therapy-isnt-about-making-the-counsellor #Therapy #PeoplePleaser #Introspection

There’s a big difference between being #alone and feeling all alone. Typically, clients often feel less lonely/all alone as singles than when with their exes. That’s because you are alone in a relationship with a #narcissist, #borderline, #histionic or #psychopath.

Alone in effort, #intimacy peace-keeping, problem-solving, etc. Your needs, feelings and wants don’t matter. You only exist as an ego-gratifying object and scapegoat. Presumably, you’re also all alone in terms of emotional and psychological maturity, empathy, accountability, integrity and conscience. In some ways, you’re the single parent of an angry, cruel, selfish, pathologically dishonest, destructive adult toddler you can’t put in timeout. In this respect, I agree that being a single parent of an adult toddler is the toughest job there is ; )

Why are you all alone in a relationship with a #BPD, #NPD, #HPD?

1) The #lovebomb version of them at the beginning of the relationship wasn’t real. It’s a patchwork of #idealization, #mirroring, #projection, #TraumaBonding via #intensity and #bullshit.

2) It’s impossible for an adult to have an equal/equitable partnership with a child. This includes the #AdultToddler of the #ClusterB variety pack. They don’t want a partner; they want enablers. Even if you enable like an Olympic champion-level doormat/nanny/ego fluffer, they’ll eventually resent you for that, too. And then, the more you enable them – which is super unhealthy, btw – the worse they treat you.

3) Relationships with BPD/NPD/HPD aren’t two-way streets (i.e., mutual and reciprocal). They’re one-way streets paved with double standards. These individuals are pathologically self-absorbed and selfish.

4) After the #LoveBombing stage, you become a screen onto which they #project all of their flaws and psychological sewage. Objective reality is irrelevant.

You are alone in these relationships because you never really existed to them in the first place. Meaning, they never really appreciate a partner for who they truly are. But rather how willing you are to:

- Tolerate abuse and exploitation.
- #Enable them.
- Sacrifice/care for them without getting anything in return.
- Never hold them accountable.

Basically, any #codependent, trauma bond/ #RepetitionCompulsion/ #PeoplePleaser/ #fixer/ #resuer will do.

Therefore, isn’t it better to be alone than to feel all alone in a #ToxicRelationship? Or, to be alone rather than wish you were alone? Table for one, please!

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

My guilt complex level is when you feel bad that a nurse in the hospital asks you if you'd like for them to get you more ice chips for your empty cup because you're not even 24hrs post-op and hooked up to 80 things but you're just going to lay there like an entitled ghoul upon thy throne while they get it.

#peoplepleaser #guilt #guiltcomplex #ptsd

I’m doing a lot of unlearning these days.

I have a lot of internal scripts that I’m ‘a lot’ and that expressing any preference or desire is ‘being pushy’

I’m trying so hard to break those down but so far all I’ve made it to is asking for what I need/want and being aware that the uncomfortable feeling I get from that is all in my head.

#PeoplePleaser #Boundaries #SelfCare

@vaishali Suggestions aren't condemnations. (This is hard for me to remember as well. #peoplepleaser)

If "hey, I wonder if X" drives someone away, they were going to be driven away anyway.