#NarcissistDictionary: Strategic or Weaponized #Incompetence

Or, what I’ve long referred to as playing dumb and/or deliberately screwing up tasks in order to get out of doing them in the future. Typically utilized by the #DamselinDistress or #DudeInDistress, the #ClusterB variety pack, the #ProfessionalVictim and the #PassivAggressive. (*These groups are not mutually exclusive.)

We’re all human. We all make mistakes. What matters is that we take ownership of our blunders and f—k-ups, apologize, fix it (if possible) and make an honest effort to be more careful in the future. Furthermore, many people have individual particular preferences that, when we share a space with others, we may need to accept won’t always be accommodated.

For example, toilet paper flap goes over not under. Small logs on top and bigger logs on the bottom of the firewood stack. Perfectly folded fitted sheets.

Strategic or weaponized incompetence is repetitive carelessness, damage and destruction of your property and the foisting of one’s share of responsibilities at work or at home. It’s a behavior pattern that repeatedly occurs over time. Generally, it doesn’t get better because it’s not an anomalous unintentional screw-up. It’s an intentional tactic serving to reduce the effort they put into the relationship that requires you to contribute more.

Ever wonder why relationships with these types are so exhausting? I mean, beside the #drama, pointless circular arguments, absence of formal logic and other crazy-making irrationalities and abuse?
Because these individuals dump the as much of their adult responsibility onto their partners, kids, colleagues and other #enablers as they can get away with.

If or when you finally express frustration or the tiniest bit of criticism, the #narcissist, #borderline or #histrionic will:

a) #PlayVictim. “Why are you being so mean?!?! It’s not like I do these things on purpose!!”

b) Attack and What About. “Oh, like you’re Mr./Ms. Perfect!? Like you never screw up!?!?! What about the [one time you made an honest mistake, apologized and corrected the mistake that the #NPD, #BPD or #HPD holds over you in perpetuity]?!?!?!?!”

c) Martyr mode. “I can’t do anything right. You must be so sick of me. I’m so stupid. I bet you hate me now. Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo hoo hoo.”

d) Minimize and dismiss. “You’re such a perfectionist! Why do you always have to make a mountain out of a molehill? You’re soooooo sensitive. If you’re so unhappy with how I do things, why don’t you do it yourself?!”

e) Rage.

f) All of the above.

You can begin cooking, cleaning up, etc., only for yourself. However, don’t be surprised if their clutter stacks become high rises and their bathroom sink becomes caked with toothpaste, shaved hairs and other nastiness. This measure isn’t possible if you share kids with them, of course.

Mature adults and good partners don’t dump their share of household responsibility onto the other partner. If your girlfriend, wife, boyfriend or husband engages in strategic incompetence, I wager it isn’t their only selfish, immature, exploitative and shitty behavior. Do you really want to live with this?

#AbuseHasNoGender

[*The earliest use I can find for the term Strategic incompetence is by Robert Sutton, PhD author of "The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't, which is a really good book!]

@0SalmanFaris0 @jujus tengok ni u. Dia kacau i. HAHAH! #playvictim