I feel like the #pandemic continues to make socializing difficult because I've spent so much time alone at this point that I'm very aware of #AutisticMasking in a way I wasn't before and also because even in virtual settings, I'm the only #CovidCautious person there. So everyone is talking about going out, seeing other people, and living life like it's 2019 and I'm the only one still acting like #CovidIsNotOver.

On top of all this, the event was for #LGBTQ people and the more time I spend in #queer spaces since #ComingOut, the more alienated I feel. Like, people ended up talking about coming out and there was this knee-jerk assumption that everyone did that in their early 20s at the latest and that all queer people of a certain age have all had the same experiences, and I just...I can't deal with it. I just fucking can't. Maybe a normal, well-adjusted person would have been able to calmly say, "Hey, I came out in my 30s and that's not my experience, fyi," but for me, I just got an overload of #shame, #QueerImposterSyndrome, #grief, and #rage and completely shut down.

Going to do something "scary to me although objectively not scary at all and may even be fun" this evening. Please send good vibes!

#FaceYourFears #Courage #Confidence #SocialAnxiety #QueerImposterSyndrome