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JBRoss · @jbross
24 followers · 545 posts · Server mstdn.party

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God… I could be eating a slow learner." — Lynda Montgomery — — —

#lyndamontgomery #quote #quotes #quip #seafood #fish #humor #humorous #funny #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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Madeline Konrad 🏳️‍⚧️ ⚢⚧🌹 · @madikonrad
671 followers · 1627 posts · Server toot.lgbt

Writers aren't born; we're written in to an existing narrative.

#joke #quip #amwriting

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
23 followers · 544 posts · Server mstdn.party

"Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash." — Dave Barry — — —

#davebarry #quote #quotes #quip #funny #humor #driving #carwash #drivers #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
23 followers · 544 posts · Server mstdn.party

"My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she writes in her diary." — Drake Sather — — —

#drakesather #quote #quotes #quip #snarky #husband #wife #nosy #diary #humor #humorous #funny #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
23 followers · 532 posts · Server mstdn.party

"When I came home I expected a surprise and there was no surprise for me, so of course, I was surprised." — Ludwig Wittgenstein — — —

#ludwigwittgenstein #quote #quotes #quip #snarky #surprise #philosophy #anticipation #humor #humorous

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
23 followers · 532 posts · Server mstdn.party

“Live your life so that if someone says 'Be yourself' it's good advice.” — Robert Orben — — —

#robertorben #quote #quotes #character #quip #reliability #persona #steady #personality

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
23 followers · 524 posts · Server mstdn.party

"Whoever came up with ice fishing must have had the worst marriage on the planet." — Jeff Cesario — — —

#jeffcesario #quote #quotes #quip #snarky #humor #humorous #funny #icefishing #marriage #joke

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
23 followers · 520 posts · Server mstdn.party

"If a merchant says that the cost of something is 'more than fair,' does that mean it is a fair price or is it MORE than the fair price?" — Don McEnery — — —

#donmcenery #quote #quotes #quip #fair #price #humor #humorous #joke #cost #purchase

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
22 followers · 516 posts · Server mstdn.party

"I just realized that 'Let me check my calendar' is the adult version of 'Let me ask my mom.'" — Noelle Chatham — — —

#noellechatham #quote #quotes #quip #excuse #delay #putoff

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
21 followers · 508 posts · Server mstdn.party

"If I live to be 100, it won’t be because I tidied up the house before I left each day. It will be because of the glorious mess I made while I was living life." — Rachel Macy Stafford — — —

#rachelmacystafford #quote #quotes #quip #mess #clean #cleaning #centenarian

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
21 followers · 508 posts · Server mstdn.party

"There's something about getting up at 5 a.m., feeding the stock and chickens, and milking a couple of cows before breakfast that gives you a life-long respect for the price of butter and eggs." — William Vaughn — — — #

#williamvaughn #quote #quotes #quip #humor #farmer #eggs #butter #early

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
21 followers · 499 posts · Server mstdn.party

"Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get." — Robert A. Heinlein — — —

#robertheinlein #quote #quotes #weather #climate #forecast #reliability #quip #expectations

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
20 followers · 495 posts · Server mstdn.party

"I am thankful that thus far today I have not had any unkind thoughts or said any harsh words or done anything that I regret. However, now I need to get out of bed and so things may become more difficult." — Sylvia Boorstein — — —

#sylviaboorstein #quote #joke #humor #humorous #curmudgeon #quip

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
20 followers · 491 posts · Server mstdn.party

"Isn't everyone a part of everyone else?" — Budd Schulberg — — —

#buddschulberg #quote #quotes #quip #everyone #everyoneelse #else #humor #humorous

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
19 followers · 487 posts · Server mstdn.party

"I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author." — Robert Benchley — — —

#robertbenchley #quote #quotes #quip #book #humor #funny

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
19 followers · 485 posts · Server mstdn.party

"Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn't I choose the lesser good?" — Laurell K. Hamilton — — —

#laurellkhamilton #quote #quotes #good #evil #quip #choice #goodandevil

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
19 followers · 483 posts · Server mstdn.party

"But if you figure in the wind chill factor, it’s only 105." — Dave Marr — — —

#davemarr #quote #quotes #quip #snarky #heat #weather #humor #humorous #windchill #funny

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
19 followers · 475 posts · Server mstdn.party

"You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different." — Bill Watterson — — —

#billwatterson #quote #quotes #weird #change #daily #different #quip #snarky #aging

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
19 followers · 471 posts · Server mstdn.party

"If the English language had been properly organized ... then there would be a word which meant both 'he' and 'she', and I could write, 'If John or Mary comes heesh will want to play tennis', which would save a lot of trouble." — A.A. Milne — — —

#aamilne #quote #quotes #english #language #quip #snarky #he #she #humor #funny

Last updated 1 year ago
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JBRoss · @jbross
19 followers · 467 posts · Server mstdn.party

"Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling." — Dave Barry — — —

#davebarry #quote #quotes #quip #snarky #ricecake #cardboard #humor #humorous #funny #eating #food

Last updated 1 year ago
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