Elyse M Grasso · @elysegrasso
465 followers · 20192 posts · Server historians.social

My house is no longer a hole in the ground. Now there are foundation walls in the hole and the builder is contacting the well and septic and electrical people to start putting the connections in place.

#marshallfire #rebuilding

Last updated 1 year ago

TheBird · @TheBird
1286 followers · 1761 posts · Server ni.hil.ist

Thoughts on Forgiveness

A lot of people believe that forgiveness is necessary for healing, and that forgiving others is crucial. That forgiveness is for other people.

Those are all false.

Forgiveness cannot be realized or become authentic if the person who caused the harm does not engage in repair.

If the other person refuses to engage in repair, then the forgiveness is like a bandaid on an infected and bloody wound.

The person who did the harm? Without doing repair, they are likely to do the harm again. So it ends up a cycle, where the person causing harm demands forgiveness but yet continues the harmful behavior.

The person offering forgiveness often ends up trapped in an abusive situation. I have been there, where I held out forgiveness in a wild hope that things will improve, that healing could happen. Except, the other person refused to engage in repair, and that hope turned to despair and bitterness.

In such a situation, forgiveness can't be authentic, and instead becomes a temporary shield to try to deflect the worst of the harm. For me, I used it as a shield to de-escalate the harm before it reached really scary levels, but my words weren't authentic at that point. It was only said to help me survive a bad situation.

Forgiveness cannot be healing if the harm continues to happen. The wounds from the harm hasn't been given space or care to heal.

By engaging in repair, trust is slowly rebuilt, healing is given space to happen, and that opens up the possibility of forgiveness.

Repair is accountability. By holding oneself accountable and doing actions to repair the harm, one shows that trust is possible again, that healing of the relationship/friendship is possible. It builds that bridge, and the survivor will see that possibility and decide whether it is healthy for them to cross it or not. A choice that the one who harmed must accept and respect.

Yes, forgiveness is for the survivor mostly, but again, forgiveness is a bridge built upon the acts of repair. The bridge cannot exist without the repair done by the one who harmed, and it is the survivor's choice to cross the bridge of forgiveness or to not cross it. No one else can make that decision for the survivor.

Forgiveness is a request for a better future and present. It's what you build after the foundation is rebuilt through the act of repair. Forgiveness is a hope that things are and will continue to improve, and healing between those involved are given space to happen.

For that healing of relationships/friendships/etc to actually happen? For that hope to be fulfilled?

Repair must be done.

Forgiveness is more than words. It's a process.

A process that starts with the other holding themselves accountable and engaging in repair, where those involved build up a foundation of hope and trust. In this process, something new is built in the ruins of the old. The final part of the process is the choice of the survivor, and for the repair to be authentic, respect for that decision must be given.

But for that to happen, those involved need to commit to that repair, to that hope, to that building up, and most importantly, follow through.

Forgiveness is not necessary for healing, and it is okay for a survivor to choose to not cross that bridge, to not forgive the harm done.

It is simply a process for rebuilding, which is a journey we can take or we can choose not to take, and each of those possible decisions are valid.

My Story as an Example

I'm a survivor of conversion therapy. I had a friend who pushed for me to do it, because that was what she'd been taught. She'd been saturated by anti-LGBT messages, but after I escaped and in the years where I chose to heal, I talked with her off and on.

She asked for forgiveness once, and I asked her, "Can I trust that you won't do this to me again? Or to anyone else?"

She looked at me and considered my question with an intensity I'd never seen from her before, and she said, "Yes. I will work toward that, and I hope I can earn it back."

She followed through and proved that her words were true. That is when I realized I could forgive her, because she engaged in repair. Because she showed that she meant it.

In contrast, my parents, who drove me to conversion therapy, still to this day refuse to acknowledge the harm. They often gaslight me about it. Sometimes mocking me if I bring it up.

When I asked that same question, they gaslit me instead and engaged in DARVO tactics (Deny, Accuse, Reversed Victim and Offender).

I realized they had no intention to ever acknowledge the harm, to ever engage in repair. They refused to admit they hurt me.

Without that intent to repair and the follow through, I realized I couldn't forgive them, because trying to forgive them only exposed me to more harm and abuse.

So I walked away. It took me almost eight years to finally walk away, to cut them out of my life for my safety and health. Because I misunderstood what forgiveness was at the time. I thought if I told them I had forgiven them, that it could somehow repair things.

But it can't. Saying "I forgive you" to someone who hurt you will not repair things. Instead, it only brought me more pain, because that hope of things improving, of healing happening, of being able to repair that broken relationship? That was destroyed again and again with their refusal to engage in repair. So my words became meaningless, they served only to soothe my parents' egos rather than aid in my own healing.

It is why I had to stop. Why I had to walk away, because staying in such a relation was hurting me. Forgiveness couldn't be realized because no repair happened. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life to cut off my parents, but I've been better off for it. My health improved not having that toxicity in my life.

It's on the other person to step up and say, "I acknowledge that I hurt you. I want to repair that. To earn back your trust. I have a few ideas on how to do this, but are you open to repairing this? And what would be best for you?"

That acknowledgement and offer of repair starts the process of laying out a foundation for the bridge. Then the necessary follow through of actually doing the repair solidifies the bridge, so that forgiveness may walk across it and truly be realized.

Forgiveness is never about forgetting. It's never about leaving it in the past. To forgive and forget isn't true forgiveness, instead, it's simply denial. The harm still happened. The hurt still lies coiled within the survivor. Trust is still broken.

Forgiveness cannot be realized or become authentic if the person who caused the harm does not engage in repair.






#forgiveness #repair #healing #repairingharmdone #accountability #rebuildingtrust #birdrambles #rebuilding

Last updated 1 year ago

SubtleBlade ⚔️ · @SubtleBlade
225 followers · 4551 posts · Server mastodon.scot

More than half of dilapidated were refused money

Only four schools were rebuilt in 2021 in government scheme intended to cover 500 schools over 10-year period
theguardian.com/education/2023
#ItsNotJustSchools

#concretecrisis #education #moneybeforepeople #torypoliciesinaction #rebuilding #schools #english

Last updated 1 year ago

Danatheone · @dana
196 followers · 1931 posts · Server mstdn.social

If you are in leadership, is a bottom line issue
, , ,
Policy to reduce carbon pollution is job one
Pitting coal/oil/gas against is not responsible leadership
needs to move quicker
We can do this by our vote…

#transition #renewables #recovery #rebuilding #homeownersinsurance #FEMA #ClimateChange

Last updated 1 year ago

geographile · @geographile
85 followers · 3177 posts · Server sfba.social

This article about focuses more than I've heard from other people about a shorter work week and more leisure time. That might be part of it, but I think a bigger focus is on , , , , and getting pleasure from things that don't need to be freshly made or cost bucks. And more than anything, it requires decoupling progress from gnp.
digitalcourage.social/@bhaug/1

#degrowth #rebuilding #reusing #repairing #sharing

Last updated 1 year ago

Poetry News · @haikubot
949 followers · 10291 posts · Server mastodon.cloud

Michael Bobbitt of Cedar Key
Stood firm against Idalia's spree
His home still intact
Though damage was a fact
His community will rebuild with glee

msnbc.com/jose-diaz-balart/wat

#hurricaneidalia #cedarkey #rebuilding #florida #limerick #poetry

Last updated 1 year ago

apiecha · @apiecha
43 followers · 601 posts · Server muenster.im
apiecha · @apiecha
43 followers · 601 posts · Server muenster.im
Poetry News · @haikubot
755 followers · 7872 posts · Server mastodon.cloud
apiecha · @apiecha
40 followers · 520 posts · Server muenster.im
apiecha · @apiecha
40 followers · 519 posts · Server muenster.im
apiecha · @apiecha
41 followers · 505 posts · Server muenster.im
dan qui dam · @dan
228 followers · 148 posts · Server social.horrorhub.club

A few hours ago, you were fighting but now…

The Space War is Over

and you must work with your former enemies because your both warships are splintered wrecks. And you both want to come homes.

"Surviving the harsh beauty of space, building a spacecraft out of junk, making unlikely friends and healing from the costs of war" ☮️ 🛰️

Find this game in the Scifi bundle itch.io/b/1790/sci-fi-is-the-b
& the author on colesign.itch.io

#scifibundle #ttrpg #healing #war #rebuilding #peace

Last updated 1 year ago

NEUMEdIER · @neumedier
207 followers · 107 posts · Server kirche.social

Auf Los
– Wir können Neues beginnen.
– 2.Kor.5,17: Wer zu Christus gehört, gehört schon zur neuen Schöpfung. Das Alte ist vergangen, Neues ist entstanden!
– Gott, du legst uns nicht fest, wir können uns weiterentwickeln.

#monopoly #rebuilding #neu #Wochenworte

Last updated 1 year ago

Stephen · @mister_goldfish
133 followers · 878 posts · Server mastodon.green

For my weekly point of view column, I'm talking about rebuilding a local queer writing community after pandemic:

Four years ago, we had a good thing going her in SacTown.

Our local LGBTQ+ writer’s group – the Queer Sacramento Authors’ Collective – was almost fifty folks strong. We had an ambitious plan to put on Sacramento’s first book festival.

And then Covid struck, and obliterated it all in an instant.

jscottcoatsworth.com/point-of-

#sacramento #lgbtq #queer #community #rebuilding

Last updated 1 year ago

gcvsa ⭐️🔰🇺🇸🇵🇭 · @gcvsa
16 followers · 821 posts · Server mstdn.plus

The thing you need to understand about is that the Earth does not possess the resources it would take to replace the current number of internal combustion engine with of equivalent capabilities. We don't have the capacity to manufacture the required or the . The sooner people realize this, the sooner we can get to work on without the idea that everyone should or can have a .

#electriccars #vehicles #evs #infrastructure #batteries #rebuilding #society #car

Last updated 2 years ago

to create a safe and supportive space for individuals and families to connect, heal, and rebuild

#connection #healing #rebuilding #hope #empowerment

Last updated 2 years ago

Poetry News · @haikubot
557 followers · 3690 posts · Server mastodon.cloud