Juli is charged with kidnapping (they don’t really get consent), body snatching (come on, she only moved it upstairs), and arson (well, okay, that one’s fair).

Serious stuff, right? Bro’d do serious time for that.

A bro would, but actually none of this is illegal for women. Not even lighting nuns on fire.

Oops, loophole.

But she’s run away, so they just pretend she’s a dude.

Triple felon.

Taking off.

Turning 17.

***

Next Week: Enemies-to-Lovers and Outlaw to Idol!

#saberidoljuli

They get out, but it turns out convents and I guess dead nuns don’t burn as easily as they thought. Nobody buys the fake death, and when they’re hauling out of town, the cops are chasing them around.

Juli and ladyfriend run like they were born to and stay in a buncha cheap motels. Presumably they do some very gay things.

We don’t know what happened next, but fast forward three months and Juli’s roommate goes back to her family. Dunno if they tried the nun thing again.

#saberidoljuli

(8/9🧵)

Alright, so. Fake her girlfriend’s death. Turns out there’s a dead nun downstairs, so they steal the body and put it in galpal’s bed.

And then burn the convent fucking down. Like, I know that’s the necessary next step in this plan. It’s what any young woman in a star-crossed love affair would do.

But knowing Juli? I bet she liked fire. Maybe even *like* liked it.

Step 3: Nuns on the Run

#saberidoljuli

(7/9🧵)

Our girl Juli enrolls as a postulant -- nun freshman, basically. That gets her back to her bae. But it’s not as easy to sneak around doing gay stuff in a convent as you might think. Like, if you look up nun porn? Not that.

Although, I dunno, maybe there was a little flagellation. I’m not shaming.

But, like, solution’s easy. You’ve probably worked it out already.

Step 2: Arson.

#saberidoljuli

(6/9🧵)(Nice.)

Well, fangirl’s parents definitely don’t like that she’s sleeping with a musician. Nowadays they’d probably send her to a Christian college, but back in the slightly-still-the-Renaissance, the solution is to get her to a nunnery.

But Juli really digs this girl. Not gonna just drop her like all of the himbos I’ve just been glossing over.

How to get to a girl in a cloister? This one’s easy.

Step 1: Become a nun.

#saberidoljuli

(5/9🧵)

Sometimes even Juli needs a break from pretend stabbing, so she picks up a mic. Gets into an opera company and fucking rocks some socks. Like, I guess, local band. Her big break comes later.

Well, idols attract groupies, and she takes up with this merchant’s daughter. Maybe, I dunno, tight t-shirt and an “access all areas” badge?

(Go with me here, because this is how we get to the nun heist.)

#saberidoljuli

(4/9🧵 )

Juli goes “who do I gotta fuck to get away from these horses?” And the Lord provides, so she runs away to Paris with her dad’s boss.

Kinda works out, but the thing about Juli is that she loves swords more than dudes.

She gets fake married and runs away with a sword guy. HisWe don’t know if he was any good in the sack, but he gives her a hustle: mock duels at taverns and local fairs. Renn Fest stuff, except it was still just a little bit the *actual* Renaissance.

#saberidoljuli

(3/9🧵)

I’m going to tell you the story of a girl who sang and stabbed and sucked face.

You like Errol Flynn movies or Pirates of the Caribbean? But you wish they had wild pansexual romance and *were real*? And maybe also starred #Zolita?

Then, my friend, get ready for the adventures of...

⚔️ SABER IDOL JULI!⚔️

***

Episode I: "The Girl Who Stole a Nun"

***

#saberidoljuli (1/9🧵)