I've spent a lot of time trying to better care for Littleness like a parent should.

Part of investing more heavily in healthier boundaries and relationships the last 4-5 years is to protect that part of myself from unnecessary pain.

So now when we're "alone in my room," I'm going to talk to myself about the good things about personal time, and do something fun that's very Little Me. I haven't actively regressed in years. If I can alone, it could be good.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT

Adventures in #plurality:

When FPs trigger childhood neglect (even if they didn't *do* anything to!)

I flash back to being a kid playing alone in my room. Lonely place to be.

My latest project will be trying to teach Little Me the positives of having alone time, because my older selves value it a lot.

We're a median system and I'm the primary driver, so it'll be interesting to try and build more positivity and security for my little self.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT #PluralGang

I guess it would just be nice if the technical terms to help me describe how I want to crawl into a hole and cry

didn't stir up a bunch of frustration at #BPDStigma, which ALSO makes me want to crawl into a hole and cry.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT

Started BC I looked up some articles to remember the word "idealization"

read a big piece about #BPD #FavoritePeople mostly geared toward non-BPD peeps.

A lot of advice was solid! Boundaries! Communication! Don't be the only 1!

But I didn't feel like the article stressed enough: we aren't inherently manipulative monsters just BC we have BPD.

The whole article is tainted by #BPDStigma, BC most clinical words for our situation are tainted by pathologizing us.

Can't unravel.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT🧵7

This navel-gaze brought to you by wishing there were better words to talk about how I'm feeling right now.

As my friends from BirdSite already know, if I'm feeling Some Way because of my #BPD,

sometimes I find it a lot easier to thread about the meta of what's at play with my BPD and brain to distract myself.

I obsess over things when I'm split if I don't find a distraction that's the right level of engaging.

I don't wanna obsess, that's anxiety city (I am the mayor)

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT🧵6

It's kind of how "polar thinking" is a misnomer for the experience in a split, or at least in my splits.

Just because you can logically understand there is nuance to something

doesn't mean your feelings about the thing aren't polarized because you're split after being triggered.

I'm very dissociative, so this was hard to figure out for me until I learned to identify splits.

There MUST be a better word for that experience than "polar thinking"

#BPD #MentalHealth #ClusterB #SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵5)

Like, a lot of times, the word "devaluation" and reading articles non-BPD people write about how to exist around #BPD people feels like it implies turning on the FP who triggers that reaction.

For my personal relationship with idealization/devaluation, it was way easier to explain it more to LP2 as his actions being weighted more heavily than peoples' who weren't favorites.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵4)

And while the impact of language isn't news to anybody with an attribute considered marginalized,

I think that proceeding with care and being more compassionate matters even more in clinical spaces, where you're paying someone to help you.

Like, if a psychologist approaches me, a #BPD patient, with a fundamental misunderstanding of my motivations and reactions... They're useless to me, pretty much. Unless they're at least willing to learn about me.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵3)

Yeah yeah, I know,

"You don't get me" opines the #BPD person. 🙄

Just STFU and lemme lament.

I think a ton of language used around our existence as BPD people was inherently shaped by pathologizing us and making some blanket assumptions.

And that's not really news, just another facet of #BPDStigma we all get to "enjoy" /s

Like, if compassion for us were being considered, we'd be regarded as people who have a "trauma disorder," not a "personality disorder."

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵2)

Sometimes I think defining #BPD highs and lows with #FavoritePeople as "idealization" and "devaluation"

misrepresents the nuance of intensity, situation, and our feels/responses.

This might be a little jumbled, I'm parsing these thoughts for the first time.

As BPD people aren't a monolith and there are a few "subtypes" of presentation,

there's an inherent explosiveness assumed by most people & docs W/O BPD

and if you have #QuietBPD like me, you may lack.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT 🧵

Like, I couldn't necessarily relate to the MC's lifestyle in adulthood

but fragmenting yourself just to be the person expected so you can survive... That resonated a lot.

It was surprising how much it spoke to me.

Reminds me of the revelatory nature of reading Laurie Halse Anderson's "Speak" when I was 11.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT

So I watched #LuckiestGirlAlive yesterday -

It's the most relatable and realistic depiction of my experience with my quiet #BPD and my brand of #plurality I've ever seen, though it pathologizes nothing.

Apparently it's a book, which I plan on reading.

The movie telegraphed more than enough info I could tell the protag was plural pretty early.

I've never seen this side of me represented in media before.

TW for it: some lengthy/graphic intox rape + school shooting scenes.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT

Last year I wrote some #journalingprompts to help other #plural people #coping with #grief and loss.

https://link.medium.com/ieZv8iuz2vb

If you're kept out by a paywall because you don't/can't subscribe to Medium, I encourage you to access the contents freely using 12ft.io !

#pluralGang #SCWOTZ #SCWNT #SCWBlog

How do other #ActuallyAutistic people

(especially those of you with other factors influencing your emotional dysregulation, my #ADHD and #BPD both do!)

cope with disappointment from changing plans?

Even if the reschedule is flawless, my inner child absolutely cannot handle these situations well.
#SCWOTZ #SCWNT

Er, it influenced the shape of our knowledge of each other, but didn't define it

(When asked more about my mom after discussing our childhoods, I started out by saying, "Okay so here's why I've got #BPD" 😂)

Playing everything reasonably close to the vest initially made it feel much easier for me to accept his voluntary help and kindness without feeling weird and guilty

It just feels more chill foundationally, even though I'm pretty sure he's already a Favorite Person

#polyFats #SCWOTZ #SCWNT