Yay, Local 2 & I made our partnership official last night!

Also nice saying "I love you" in person after I delayed bringing it up last week.

Then I ate 1/3 of the cheesecake he brought me and drove him wild.

Then I woke him up this morning with about 15 minutes of fondling before I went straight to "Magic Wand + mouth."

Then I was sure he was awake, because he called me a good girl 💝

#PolyFats #SCWOTZ #SCWKink

I love that I've finally found a good platform to do all my fun SW client games.

I'm super excited about the first one, and super annoyed that my PSO persona is separate from this one, so I can't even yell my clever details I'm so jazzed about... 😅

#SexWork #SexWorkers #SCWOTZ

And delightfully, it's mutual, which Logical Me figured, but BPD me was far too anxious to believe until we talked.

Our biggest love languages are slightly different, my brain was waiting for the one it understood, so I couldn't possibly be misinterpreting.

So now logical and BPD me are dancing

#PolyFats #SCWOTZ

#PolyFats:

After being unnerved by Possession (1983) and an evening of snuggling and kvetching about our tough weeks,

I finally told LP2 I loved him after he went home.

After the drama and chaos in possession, we talked about exes with bad boundaries all night, so it felt weird to throw out there immediately, so instead,

I picked his brain about a "normal" timeframe for developing feels when we were texting later, and finally said it instead of continuing to beat around the bush.

#SCWOTZ

I'm in a group chat with some other #prodomme and PSO folks,

and feeling so honored my pals there recognize and admire my professional cruelty 😂

But NGL, I'm sitting here wondering how to reverse engineer my insult generation process so I can teach it, now...

I learned to humiliate my bullies in middle school; after so much practice, the scathing thoughts float pretty close to the surface.

#SCWOTZ #SCWKink #SexWork #Domination #FemDom

I've spent a lot of time trying to better care for Littleness like a parent should.

Part of investing more heavily in healthier boundaries and relationships the last 4-5 years is to protect that part of myself from unnecessary pain.

So now when we're "alone in my room," I'm going to talk to myself about the good things about personal time, and do something fun that's very Little Me. I haven't actively regressed in years. If I can alone, it could be good.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT

Adventures in #plurality:

When FPs trigger childhood neglect (even if they didn't *do* anything to!)

I flash back to being a kid playing alone in my room. Lonely place to be.

My latest project will be trying to teach Little Me the positives of having alone time, because my older selves value it a lot.

We're a median system and I'm the primary driver, so it'll be interesting to try and build more positivity and security for my little self.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT #PluralGang

I guess it would just be nice if the technical terms to help me describe how I want to crawl into a hole and cry

didn't stir up a bunch of frustration at #BPDStigma, which ALSO makes me want to crawl into a hole and cry.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT

Started BC I looked up some articles to remember the word "idealization"

read a big piece about #BPD #FavoritePeople mostly geared toward non-BPD peeps.

A lot of advice was solid! Boundaries! Communication! Don't be the only 1!

But I didn't feel like the article stressed enough: we aren't inherently manipulative monsters just BC we have BPD.

The whole article is tainted by #BPDStigma, BC most clinical words for our situation are tainted by pathologizing us.

Can't unravel.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT🧵7

This navel-gaze brought to you by wishing there were better words to talk about how I'm feeling right now.

As my friends from BirdSite already know, if I'm feeling Some Way because of my #BPD,

sometimes I find it a lot easier to thread about the meta of what's at play with my BPD and brain to distract myself.

I obsess over things when I'm split if I don't find a distraction that's the right level of engaging.

I don't wanna obsess, that's anxiety city (I am the mayor)

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT🧵6

It's kind of how "polar thinking" is a misnomer for the experience in a split, or at least in my splits.

Just because you can logically understand there is nuance to something

doesn't mean your feelings about the thing aren't polarized because you're split after being triggered.

I'm very dissociative, so this was hard to figure out for me until I learned to identify splits.

There MUST be a better word for that experience than "polar thinking"

#BPD #MentalHealth #ClusterB #SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵5)

Like, a lot of times, the word "devaluation" and reading articles non-BPD people write about how to exist around #BPD people feels like it implies turning on the FP who triggers that reaction.

For my personal relationship with idealization/devaluation, it was way easier to explain it more to LP2 as his actions being weighted more heavily than peoples' who weren't favorites.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵4)

And while the impact of language isn't news to anybody with an attribute considered marginalized,

I think that proceeding with care and being more compassionate matters even more in clinical spaces, where you're paying someone to help you.

Like, if a psychologist approaches me, a #BPD patient, with a fundamental misunderstanding of my motivations and reactions... They're useless to me, pretty much. Unless they're at least willing to learn about me.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵3)

Yeah yeah, I know,

"You don't get me" opines the #BPD person. 🙄

Just STFU and lemme lament.

I think a ton of language used around our existence as BPD people was inherently shaped by pathologizing us and making some blanket assumptions.

And that's not really news, just another facet of #BPDStigma we all get to "enjoy" /s

Like, if compassion for us were being considered, we'd be regarded as people who have a "trauma disorder," not a "personality disorder."

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT (🧵2)

Sometimes I think defining #BPD highs and lows with #FavoritePeople as "idealization" and "devaluation"

misrepresents the nuance of intensity, situation, and our feels/responses.

This might be a little jumbled, I'm parsing these thoughts for the first time.

As BPD people aren't a monolith and there are a few "subtypes" of presentation,

there's an inherent explosiveness assumed by most people & docs W/O BPD

and if you have #QuietBPD like me, you may lack.

#SCWOTZ #SCWNT 🧵

Took some pictures of LP1 ( @Ironicdruid ) in their new jockstrap today for their sugar daddy (who also gifted them that cute lil kalimba in pic 1).

They said I could share these.

WOOF.

y'all don't know the willpower required not to jump them the whole time I was shooting these 🥵

#BeefCake #daddy #BigBoySeason #jockstrap #nonbinary #PolyFats #SCWOTZ #SCWKink

It's super important to note in this conversation that a ton of sex workers ARE queer and/or trans.

But cis SWers dabbling in gender play especially need to wear their support for free gender expression on their sleeve, even when money isn't on the line.

#SCWOTZ #SCWQT

Something I think the #SexWork community should discuss more is how sometimes in sex work, you're actually one of a select few, if any, people that someone might come out to (1st, iF ever)

Specifically, I think we should use that knowledge to support #trans people better

Not every customer that wants to be #feminized is Trans or vice-versa, but if you'll put heels on a client & say nice things to them, you damn well better be just as accepting of trans people you meet for free.

#SCWOTZ #SCWQT

Nesting partner: I was watching a video from 2015 - 8 years ago, by the way -

Me: NO. Bad! Don't say that!

#SCWOTZ

I do not appreciate this shitpost in my YouTube recommendations making me want to start a new #Morrowind game to experience the grand and intoxicating innocence all over again...

https://youtu.be/h8Jfg8oh3YE

#memes #MorrowindMemes #PCGaming #ElderScrolls #SCWOTZ #SCWGame