I loved LA because I drank its blood and breathed its smog and crawled through its gutters
Because I was reborn there
because I died there
because I swallowed broken glass and poison in its streets
and because it destroyed me

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I guess I'm still thinking about the other week. The partner of the friend is coming for the weekend and I suppose I'm processing.

#Siin #BadPoetry #Words

Meditation | 09-03
There are many things we can do, but forcing people to do better is not one of them.
Forcing people to change their behavior is not one of them.
I see so many examples in the news of people who are so absolutely, doggedly convinced *they* are right that they do more harm than good.
Everyone is wrong.
We could all use humility. We could all use a step back, a deep breath, a moment where we listen rather than shout.
Give it a try. Really, honestly, give it a try.

#Meditations #Siin

Meditation | 09-03

There is so much we can do, but forcing others to do better is not Forcing people to change their behavior is not one of them.
I see so many examples in the news of people who are so absolutely, doggedly convinced *they* are right that they do more harm than good.
Everyone is wrong.
We could all use humility. We could all use a step back, a deep breath, a moment where we listen rather than shout.
Give it a try. Really, honestly, give it a try.

#Meditations #Siin

I'd like to announce that I will be opening my books for fully immersive custom tattoo ceremonies beginning November 1st of this year.

I originally planned on waiting until Spring and spending this fall/winter season working exclusively on those who live and stay here. However, because the birth of our second child will now be sometime in April, I'd like to provide the opportunity for anyone interested in becoming a client sooner to get in the door before that happens. When this second child is born I will likely take around six months (potentially more) off to recover and spend time with my family. I will update as things evolve, but I can be certain that I will be able to work for the next several months.

If you have any questions, would like more detailed information about my practice, or would like to book, please email me: artofsiin@proton.me.

#SpiritualTattoo #InkWork #Siin #OccultTattoo #CeremonialTattoo

Meditations | 08-28

Cycles

I've had this obsession for the last decade with the idea that everything is cyclical. My brain doesn't comprehend time the way that others seem to, and that's led to my existence being a strange loop of simultaneous occurrences on top of one another. Grasping at the repetitive cycling of days: sunrise, sunset, mealtimes, wake and sleep, biological cycles -- these have been the ways in which I've tethered myself to linear consensus reality. But when I stop and allow my mind to drift, all things are occurring simultaneously. I can see ahead and behind, all at once. It's often confusing, and sometimes it makes it difficult to focus. But with this comes the knowledge that everything that has come to pass will come to pass because it has come to pass and will again.

Cycles.

It is time for another cycle of generation and birth, time to honor my body once again as I grasp the meaning of the repetition of this sacred act. The me that tethers herself to sunrise-sunset-mealtime cadence panics at the thought that once again there will be a time where I Am Not Me, after I just so recently discovered Being Me again. It's difficult to grasp, it's terrifying, it's so exciting. But the me that sees all things has known that this would happen, that this would happen "now", and that this is all a part of My path. Because I know, I can relax knowing that it is just another cycle, a beautiful opportunity to re-focus on the body and the body within, to emphasize rest and self-care and restoration.

And perhaps this is all too vague to understand, and that's fine, because ultimately I'm just throwing this out there for me and me alone, but if you hear what I am saying, perhaps it'll feel good to you, too.

#Meditations #Cycles #Siin

come be reborn with us

#DiaSacrificia #RanchoDeLaLiberta #Siin #DiaDeLosMuertos

Talisman for one of my favorite people.
"Tattooed bone" -- scratched and painted over with India ink,
a stone & wire from my property,
leather from deer hunted and then tanned by my great grandfather
sigils designed by me
A powerful apotropaic piece of art
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#Siin #Handwork #Leatherwork #Bones #BoneArt

Meditations | 08-15

The dog park recently has been an interesting microcosm of society. In evaluating the strange relationships that these humans have with their animals, in watching their anxiety at work: their fear of being embarrassed, their fear of something happening to their dog, their fear of being called out for their dog's bad behavior, and so on; I have really had some interesting thoughts about the way that we treat animals and the way that we treat each other.

There is one girl in particular with two dogs that have subtle but severe behavioral issues. This girl is blonde and cute and it's quite likely that her behavior has never been criticized. As such, she seems to have very little self-awareness, and she is an extraordinarily anxious and angry person.

An aggressive dog is quite often a defensive one. An aggressive human is quite often a defensive one.

When our dogs cannot trust that we will not put them in bad situations they will take matters into their own hands. This happened today: there is a husky at the park who picks on one of the blonde girl's dogs. Not in an aggressive way, although he certainly has his own behavioral issues, but in a way where her dog often gets pinned.

Instead of allowing her dog to set a boundary, she always grabs his collar and forceably removes him from the situation. She yells at the other dog's owner. She panics.

Today her dog saw that the husky was there and immediately went for its throat. A legitimate fight ensued. Thankfully it was broken up without severe injury to either dog.

Both the husky's owner and the blonde girl kept their dogs at the dog park after this incident.

Ego is a really interesting thing. We cannot survive without it. It tells us to eat, to care for ourselves, to bathe which in turn helps us avoid parasites or infection, to expect certain treatment from other human beings which is beneficial for our survival (or, which is at least not detrimental to it).

Both women yelled at one another, and then retreated to separate benches, as though the dogs wouldn't interact again. As though the dogs could somehow exist on the same level of passive-aggression as humans.

An aggressive dog is quite often a defensive one. An aggressive human is quite often a defensive human.

People walk around, animals their accessories, unintentionally forcing these four-legged and highly conscious beings to mirror their own anxieties, their own ego trips, their own fear and panic and completely adrift sense of self.
They assume that all conflict is terrifying, force their dogs to flee from it as they themselves do.
And the result? Maladaptive defensiveness. The blonde girl has another dog who follows mine around barking. She responds by yelling at it to stop. In other words, the dog barks because he's apprehensive about the size of my dog and he's anxious. She barks back and feeds its anxiety.

There is a lack of willingness to accept responsibility on behalf of both parties. We so often retreat and tell our friends how wrong the other was.

But how often in conflict do we actually sit back and ask ourselves what subtle but severe issues do we have that caused this conflict in the first place? What role we play?

In my experience watching others, the answer seems to be never. It's a curious thing, ego.

#Meditations #Siin #Ego #Psychology #Sociology

the tree
growth & decay
visions, knowing what comes next & the anticipation & excitement that brings
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featuring Eros, the fish
and scavenged bones and relics from a dear friend
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#Siin #Inkwork #DipPen #TheeSketchbook #Sketchbook

Teaser from Friday's shoot - details to be released this week!
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#RanchoDeLaLiberta #DiaSacrificia #Siin

In absolute awe of Mayan art and literature as I read The Popol Vuh (the Christenson translation which was translated directly from Quiche Mayan, not Spanish) and I think that this is about to become a major inspiration for art and tattoos in the next few months
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#QuicheMayan #PopolVuh #MayanArt #PrecolumbianArt #Maya #SacredArt #Siin #TheeSketchbook #Sketchbook

I have a drawing dry spell I need to break! I've never done anything like this before I don't think because it's counter to my process but I think it would be fun:

I'll draw the first ten subject matter requests on this post (either in graphite or dip pen) and pick someone out of a hat to receive the original drawing of their request for free.

Anyone else who suggests something will be tagged in the posted photo of the drawing, and I can email you the higher res photo as well if you'd like to use it for anything.

And if you just want to suggest subject matter for suggestion's sake, that's welcome as well!

#Giveaway #Drawing #ArtistsOfMastodon #Siin

Final session out of the way.

#SacredTattoo #Siin #HandWorkTattoo #InkWork #SpiritualTattoo #SolarWorship

Meditations | 07-26

The thing about ambiguity is that it begs for projection. Ambiguity is not a mirror but a screen that passively accepts what is broadcast onto it without making you aware that it's really you you're watching.

Ambiguity is a little uncomfortable, a little distorted, a little uncanny. It reveals things that hit home, but that you aren't consciously aware of. It speaks -- not to you -- but over your shoulder, breath on the back of your neck. It doesn't aim to be disconcerting: it doesn't aim to be anything. But the result of unconscious fears, desires, beliefs being projected onto an unexpected surface in unexpected ways is just that.

Sometimes the urge is to resist the discomfort. Sometimes, the urge is to rationalize it. If we can make it make sense, force the ambiguous thing to fit into the schema of the world that we've created through our life, then we can alleviate the discomfort. In this way, other people become symbols when we don't know them well. Sometimes we idolize, fantasize, make someone everything we want them to be, and set them up on a pedestal of all of our strange expectations. Sometimes we denigrate, hate, dismiss, or even attack them, make them the very symbol of all we fear and despise.

We could learn so very much about ourselves if we could lean into these projections: if we could be aware of this unconscious behavior as we engage in it. If we could recognize the ambiguity of a person or a thing, and then walk ourselves through the way that we're projecting onto that screen, dissect the resulting images, and try to figure out where they come from, there is space for a significant amount of growth. Beyond that, when we do this with people, we do ourselves and them a massive disservice. Either we force expectations on others and suffer when they do not live up to them, experience severe envy when we assume someone is all that we desire but all that we are not, or we dismiss and despise those who may very well be allies despite that they have not actually wronged us.

#Meditations #Siin #Ambiguity #SelfAwareness

Another:

Days wrapped around mealtimes
and miraculous doves
The sounds of grasping, wishing
for the stalling of the changing of seasons
Brilliant blue skies &
the desperate ache of potential
kinetic and raw, a glass unfilled
What could it be, the canvas, the body?
What could you be in this world?
It sounds like Mexico & Los Angeles & the great, wide West.

#Siin #StreamOfConsciousness #Poetry

Found in an old notebook, 2020
(I may have shared a version of this before that I'd edited and typed out but I'm not sure if it was here):

Tonight I am about three steps from schizophrenic dreams & razor breath. All time all too often collapses in on itself within my head and sometimes -- too often -- it's too much. But tonight, it's just enough. Tonight I am hesitant and fragile tired mania, and I see everything from here. Wooded backyards & cotton candy skies & "mira, blanca" & big brown eyes. 70's cars & anxious sweat, picnic tables & baited breath. My dreams remember each other and I remember them. White bellied hawks come to tell me what's next in a waiting language I can't understand, and it is all happening over and over and over again

#Siin #BadPoetry #StreamOfConsciousness #Poetry

Meditations | 07-17

I cannot control the outcome.
I cannot control if the British Petroleum company cuts corners and allows yet another spill into sacred land.
I cannot control the acidification of the oceans.
I cannot save each and every reef.
I cannot regenerate every lost grassland, hold every captured wild mustang.
I cannot control the actions of the few who are responsible for the greatest tyrannies of the world, nor the actions of the many who unthinkingly go about life making choices that benefit those few.

I will live my life in service to the land,
I will live my life in service to my community,
I will plant each and every tree, and store each and every molecule of carbon in freshly regenerated soil that I can,
I will make the most responsible choices I can,
I will educate as many as will listen,
and perhaps that is all I do.
And perhaps it will still all burn around me.
And I will have to accept that: my lack of control, the lack of permanence of all things.

And so, may we have the strength to do what we can.

#Meditations #Contemplations #Siin #EcologicalCrisis

Found out today through actually downloading and reading the Kuro Sumi MSDS (safety data sheets) that the tattoo ink that I was taught was the best -- and always read was "non toxic", vegan, and cruelty free, uses pigments that are carcinogenic, some which are derived from petroleum. This problem is not, unfortunately, specific to this brand (this brand is still better than most, which is... sad).

So this week I'll be beginning my foray into inkmaking because I cannot, in good conscience, insert known carcinogens into the bodies of people who are unaware of the risks.

Anyone on the books in the next few weeks is being notified, so that they can make their own decision about whether or not they'd like to wait to be tattooed until I can make satisfactory ink (which could potentially take a while) or if they're willing to take the risk of being tattooed with commercially produced inks.

I think at this point I've decided that I can't probably ever walk into a regular tattoo shop again and get tattooed, having learned all that I've learned this past year.

#Sustainability #SustainableTattooing #Tattooing #Siin

Sat with this for a while today. One more session planned to shade it fully, but I'm happier now with this result than I was with the first sitting.
Tattooing oneself is tricky for a variety of reasons, but is a really great way to put a microscope to your shortcomings and progress.
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#Siin #SacredTattoo #SolarWorship #Paganism #Inkwork #HandWorkTattoo #OccultTattoo

purpose called you from the beaks of black birds circling porch and red sky and never again eyes called from the beaks of seagulls and the sea breeze called you out of classrooms and offices out from under fluorescent light daze and paycheck paycheck paycheck and asked you what you would do if you weren’t afraid of hunger or rejection or a lack of prestige
it called you from the front seat of a beat up black car and spoke in tongues that sounded like collapsing chains and grinding gears from belly-to-belly bus and post no bills scaffolding and pissing on railings laying on your back in broken glass parking lot in the middle of the city chewed gum in hair refusing to move forward with routine
called from the steps of community parks with gunfire and the “de donde eres” from the tile floor of bars like shoes on spilt beer from pool halls and hennessy bottles and liquor store front doors corner stores and candle shrines
whispered urges turned to banshee shrieking tires and the cacophony of war of wailing slamming head on pavement
coyote screams heckling barks and brutal desert winds
dig needle into flesh, offer sacrifice of blood and sweat and hair and sex and find
listening is easy

#Meditations #Siin #BadPoetry #Consciousness #Contemplations