Anyway, what I was really hoping to convey with this whole story (yes, I really am a terrible person, I do NOT like having to do this stuff —you would understand if you had starlings take over your yard, they’re child-murdering fascists), is…

…how fascinating and complicated their world is. They’re so very obvious communicating complex ideas across species.

And how this process has brought out this primal set of instincts on how to win a territory battle against an animal enemy when one doesn’t have the actual power to do a whole lot. There’s a strong need to Show of Force as strongly as possible as consistently as possible to create an illusion of powers I don’t have. That’s the only way. It’s not a moral ideal, it’s a matter of fact. (Also I’ve been watching too much Naked and Afraid.)

4/?

#YardTales #StarlingWar

So I opt for gaslighting. I high tail it out of there, pretty sure the magpie didn’t see me spraying. And I came up to the upper terrace, listening to the magpie talk to the starlings. One magpie became several. Then a crow. A whole conference.

What, me? I was just walking around the yard. I didn’t destroy a nest or spray anyone! Look, I’m cutting some flowers for a bouquet. Because I’m kind and gentle and look at that butterfly.

The magpies never came up to check on me that I could tell, just down there doing what I hope was arguing with starlings who were “clearly overreacting” and “crazy” because they never saw the human do annnnnything.

Either that or my chances for friendship with the magpies is over.

3/?

#YardTales #StarlingWar

Now, some background. I’m actually quite fond of the other corvids. They don’t fuck with other birds. They don’t sound like 5,000 1970s smoker grandmas in a choir. I’d actually love to befriend the other corvids.

But that is not to be because the starlings have been holding conferences with the crows and magpies over these weeks. I try to figure out what they’re talking about (I sit on the porch all day). I try to figure out how to win over the magpies with cat food. I chatter at them when they chatter in the hopes they’ll think I’m friendly while the starlings spill their lies about how I’m evil hearted.

So I hear this magpie coming and I have just seconds to decide what actions to take to communicate the best possible message to the magpies.

2/

#StarlingWar #YardTales

I’m not going to get into the gory details of my war against the starlings and the unspeakable things I have done, but I’m learning so much about bird society. (And prefacing this that European starlings are invasive and total dicks to other birds.)

After uh, ruining one of the startling nests while no starlings were around, they came back to discover it. So I when I heard them chattering about it, I went down with the hose to get them to associate that hose with actual harm to their house so they always take it seriously. I don’t want them to know the limits of my power, which are actually quite limited.

I sprayed where the nest had been, and sprayed at the starling. She flew all around, landing in different places out of reach while I yelled at her and told her to get her crew out of here and leave us alone, and how does it feel to have YOUR nest messed up. I did that until I heard a magpie coming…

1/

#yardTales #StarlingWar

There's also some kind of coalition between the starlings and larger corvids (magpies and crows), that I'm trying to understand. Trying to win the magpies to my side with cat food, but it's not working. A magpie and a starling landed together on the tree branch 15ft away and both made sounds at me before flying off. #YardTales #StarlingWar

Starlings seem to have backed off again. The other day I think was some kind of attempt to overpower me but I got mad and did not let up with the hose and the yelling, the high-pitched sounds and the predator bird calls from YouTube. They'll be back, I know, but I've won this day!

(And in case, like me, you are a lover of nature and would rather just let every creature do its thing, I'd agree except not only are starlings invasive to North America and *really annoying*, they are fascists against other birds, destroying nests and killing eggs and young. You REALLY don't want to let a colony get started anywhere near you.)

#YardTales #StarlingWar