In my #LegendOfKorra Fanfiction (it's the sequel to my rewrite/AU of Book 2), I wrote a chapter that dealt with grief: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47033497/chapters/119414743

The grief described here is loss of life in a war, but the main focus of the chapter was the acknowledgement of not being okay and crafting a grief ceremony to help one heal.

I think #grief ceremonies can be quite powerful. I'll quote a bit from my notes for that chapter:

"The Grief Ceremony here is loosely based on some of the Trans Day of Remembrances ( #TDOR ) I helped organize in the past. TDOR is held on November 20th to remember all the trans people murdered. A few selfless individuals scour through reports to find their names, but if names cannot be found, we still honor them by stating where they are from. The names are recited, then we have a moment of silence. Then some of us organizers would speak.

I think it was either 2017 or 2018 that I asked why we didn't also celebrate their lives. Why not have a line or two about who they were as people? And then we all collectively work on a piece of art to display all the lives lost. That's when I came up with the tree. The Unitarians painted the tree on this large roll-up-able canvas, and I brought it to the event. We pinned it up, and we laid out the photos of all the people who died (along with a line about their life) and if we couldn't find a photo, we spelled out their name, location, and if possible a sentence about their life. We also had a bunch of notecards.

Trans people then got up on stage and recited poetry, sang songs, (I played my bongos as I recited a poem I wrote), and shared stories about living our truth, about grieving our lost, about what a better future would look like. By the end of the event, the tree had been fully decorated - people went up to it to tape the pictures and names like leaves. Some people drew things on the notecards and taped up those. I folded a peace crane and taped it to the top of the tree. It was beautiful by the end. We'd created something with our grief.

And that is the crux of this scene. To use our grief and create something beautiful with another person to honor those who died. We are all people, and we all are stories waiting to be heard.

So when I was thinking about ways to heal from the trauma of war, I decided the Southern Water Tribe would have had their own grief ceremony because of how much they were brutalized in the One Hundred Year War. They'd have so much to grieve because of all that loss. And since they are a Water Tribe, water is the core of their ceremony. However, since Asami isn't of that heritage, Korra offers something else to add to the water part. Earth and fire, upon which Asami asks for air to be used too. To show that the deaths are not in vain.

No matter what side people are on in the war, the people involved are still people. That's the crux of it; war is brutal and horrifying. Sometimes it cannot be avoided, but many times it can and should be avoided. The hope is that at the least we learn from that. To make sure it Never Happens Again.

A historian - can't recall her name - wrote about how history doesn't repeat itself, but it often rhymes. Today we're seeing our present rhyming with some pretty awful parts of human history. But it doesn't have to be that way. Standing up, speaking up, fighting back against the tide of hate is needed. That's what Team Avatar did - fought against Unalaq's arrogant hate and pride that harmed so many. But those that died in the battles were still people. We're all people. There's no such thing as "the other" like some people claim. *We are all people.*

By holding a grief ceremony for all who was hurt or killed can help one find the strength to heal and keep going, keep up the fight toward justice and love. So that's the reason I chose to write the grief ceremony like this.

Even in our darkest moments, when all hope seems lost, someone like Jinora comes to hold out light. To illuminate the way. Each person we meet, each person we share our story with and listen to theirs in turn - all offer a nugget of light. Illuminating the path of our journey. So remember that when things are hard. Remember that even when we feel utterly alone, a helping hand exists and that we are loved."

This is why I believe Grief Ceremonies should be annual ceremonies that our communities host in order to collectively process our grief and complex emotions around the myriad situations, events, and hurt we often face.

Oppressive systems are traumatizing and grief-filled, and as we tear them down and replace them with something better, we will still need grief ceremonies to help us transition, process the anger and pain, and move forward.

So I guess, what sort of grief ceremonies do other people do?

I'm on mobile today, so can't upload tracks just for you -- I love putting stuff here first, it feels so intimate

Instead, for #TrangenderDayOfVisibility here are two orig songs from SoundCloud

"Far Out In the Wilderness" is in a sense a reply in conversation with Robert Frost's "Dust of Snow"
https://on.soundcloud.com/mkm36

"Wicker Child" speaks to an experience that links my experience as a transgender woman with cis and trans women of ages (CW: grief childbearing)
https://on.soundcloud.com/F6d5a
#TDOR

I'm on mobile today, so can't upload tracks just for you -- I love putting stuff here first, it feels so intimate

Instead, for #TrangenderDayOfVisibility here are two orig songs from SoundCloud

"Far Out In the Wilderness" is in a sense a reply in conversation with Robert Frost's "Dust of Snow"
https://on.soundcloud.com/mkm36

"Wicker Child" speaks to an experience that links my experience as a transgender woman with cis and trans women of ages (CW: grief childbearing)
https://on.soundcloud.com/F6d5a
#TDOR

Today and every day, fly the flag. #TDoR

Tdor. Le persone trans* oltre la vittimizzazione https://www.dinamopress.it/news/tdor-le-persone-trans-oltre-la-vittimizzazione/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=tdor-le-persone-trans-oltre-la-vittimizzazione #transgenderdayofremembrance #transfemminismo #Primopiano #tdor

#humantraffic #transgender #suicide #tdor #saudiarabia

https://open.substack.com/pub/erininthemorn/p/her-name-was-eden

traurig: https://www.nzz.ch/panorama/koenigin-der-sexuellen-vielfalt-in-mexiko-getoetet-ld.1728502 #Queerfeindlichkeit #Mexiko #TDOR #Hass #Gewalt #Mord

Just been at a vigil in memory of #BriannaGhey. Hadn't realised that is almost exactly three months since #TDOR. Hundreds of people though.

"A 16yo trans girl, Brianna Ghey, has been stabbed to death in Warrington. Allegations are circulating of years of transphobic bullying leading up to this.

"Horrified.

"Rest up sis."

h/t Mallory Moore

https://twitter.com/Chican3ry/status/1624887770085818369

#SayHerName #TransLivesMatter #TDoR

I can't be the only #Trans dyslexic who sees #TDOR and starts thinking about hobbits and wizards…

So I’m thinking, & maybe apart from #TDoR and #TDoV we need a dedicated day as soon as possible after #Xmas set aside for screaming into the void. Thoughts anyone?

"[...] extremists who have conducted attacks have cited previous attacks and attackers as inspiration. Following the late November shooting at an LGBTQI+ bar in Colorado Springs [...] we have observed actors on forums known to post [...] content praising the alleged attacker. [...] violent extremists in the United States praised an October 2022 shooting at a LGBTQI+ bar in Slovakia and encouraged additional violence."

#TransViolence #tdor #trans

20.11.2022: Gedenken in Oldenburg an die Opfer von trans*feindlicher Gewalt

„CN: transfeindliche Gewalt

Trans day of remembrance 2022

Am 20.November wird seit 1999 jedes Jahr den Opfern transfeindlicher Gewalt gedacht. Der erste #TDoR fand zum Gedenken an die Schwarze trans Frau Rita Hester in den #USA statt. Transfeindlichkeit ist aber nicht auf die #USA beschränkt. In den letzten 12 Monaten verzeichneten internationale Organisationen 327 ermordete trans und gender-diverse Personen weltweit, die Dunkelziffer liegt vermutlich deutlich höher.

Mit dem Mord an Malte beim #CSD in #Münster und dem gewalttätigen Angriff auf eine trans Frau in #Bremen nur eine Woche später, sind die schwerwiegenden Folgen von Trans- und #Queerfeindlichkeit dieses Jahr auch in Deutschland sehr offensichtlich. Die Daten zu transfeindlichen Übergriffen weltweit zeigen auch den intersektionalen Zusammenhang verschiedener Gewaltverhältnisse.

95% der weltweit ermordeten Personen waren trans Frauen und trans-feminine Menschen.

50% der ermordeten Menschen, waren Sex-Arbeiter*innen

Von den Fällen wo race und Ethnizität erhoben wurden, machen BIPoC Personen 65% der gemeldeten Morde aus 36% der in Europa ermordeten trans Menschen waren Migrant*innen.“

#Oldenburg #TDoR22 #TDoR2022 #TransDayOfRemembrance #TransRightsAreHumanRights #ColoradoSprings #ClubQ #Foto #Fotografie #Fotos #LGBTIQA #Niedersachsen #photography #photo #photos #pixelfed #politics #Politik #Queer #Queerfeminismus #Solidarität #trans* #Transfeindlichkeit

https://tdor.translivesmatter.info/
#tdor

https://tdor.translivesmatter.info/
#tdor

Rage & Remembrance – TDoR ’22
They had names and so do we

When Daniel Davis Aston went to work on Saturday night of the November 19th at Club Q – the only queer club in Colorado Springs – he had no idea that within hours he would be dead, he would be dead-named, and he would be erased. For whilst most of the rest of the world was
https://freedomnews.org.uk/2022/11/30/rage-remembrance-tdor-22/
#clubq #DirectAction #Solidarity #TDOR #transdayofrememberance #transgenderdayremembrance

lately wherever I go there's people like at the squat yesterday "you did that speech on #tdor right? it was fantastic I got goosebumps" or during demos "I saw you on dyke karaoke will you go again you were great" etc. and I really don't know how to process this.

my kids are like "you were always famous, aren't you? like your instagram and stuff" and tjaaa, I was never a real influencer my instagram has like 40 views in a story tops. but I do get people I would never expect come tell me "I love your Instagram btw". (and yeah everybody still talks of me in my hometown but that was a very small and very boring hometown, I was an Event.)

famous is not quite the word but I'm dunno, cherished by a small following? which warms my heart and makes all this output worth the effort.

20/11 TDOR benefit Ombre rosse https://gabrio.noblogs.org/post/2022/11/08/7319/ #transfemminismo #CucinaPopolare #Antisessismo #Ombrerosse #seitrans? #Benefit #benefit #Eventi #Tdor

After #TDoR last Sunday, I will now be staying in PJs every Sunday until the lighter, warmer days return. If I could hibernate until spring, I would do.

TIL that the Seattle Trans And Nonbinary Choral Ensemble (STANCE) is a Thing... they sang this for #tdor ... it's called "The Road Home". It's about finding your people. Lyrics in video description.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pV-INmsRnMU