@prismnpen

>There are many, many times I hate being transgender.

👍 💯

It's a curse i'd not wish onto my worst enemy. Non- or Pre-#transitioned #GenderDysphoria itself is ofc horrific. What heaps of post-#transition peeps seem to avoid mentioning, discussing or even acknowledging, is the enduring agony of self-loathing & depression **when/if**, notwithstanding all the time, effort, pain, dislocation, money & family/friends-rejection of legal, social, medical & surgical #transition, one continues to Not #Pass... making the whole journey seriously compromised. 😭

Along the lines of that oldie... if a tree falls in the forest but there's nobody there, did it really make a sound?

If someone #transitioned #MtF ~17 years ago, socially legally medically & surgically, but was/is so distraught & self-loathing at their nonetheless manifest non-Passability that after a few years of trying to grin & bear it they just gave up & began fully hiding away from the world [still true to this day, & if anything even more intense than all those years ago], did they really transition?

The legal medical & surgical aspects remain undeniable & verifiable. Otoh, the complete physical withdrawal from ALL society, for 13+ years, would seem to countervail one's social transition. Put another way, the self-imposed disappearance indicates a social detransition, even de-existence. Was there, then, any point at all in all the associated hardships? Why did one bother at all?

Tis a helluva Catch-22; one reached the point where not transitioning seemed tantamount to accepting inevitable suicide, yet transitioning unfortunately still has the loathed & reviled "him" crying back from the mirror, not the contented "her" liberation which was the whole point. Sure, all the despised "bits" are long gone, supplanted by far happier replacements... but that face, sigh, sob, ugh, that face, crying from the mirror, remains his, not hers, despite $40K of #FFS. Failure. Simple failure.

Furthermore, what does one's abject despair & chronic depression at one's non-Passability imply, or prolly even state outright, about one's internalised #transphobia? Not for me is the contemporary [at least, it didn't exist / wasn't a thing, back before, during & soon after my own transition] #transfem identification phenomenon. Back then, but tbh also still today, the concept of wanting to explore & live one's femininity, yet still wanting "junk retention", was/is anathema to me [& all my fellow-travellers back then]. So now, superimposed on my apparent internalised #transphobia, it seems i somehow fall into the Rowling et al camp, a realisation that only deepens & widens my self-loathing & depression.

Back in the day, at least in Straya, there wasn't an overt high-octane red-meat #RWNJ politicised anti-#trans presence in society. Hence, all the family & friendship losses that ensued were presumably informed mostly by respective peeps' individual innate personal opinions & biases. Nowadays however ofc, Straya to some extent, other countries to major extents, have been infected by the #RWNJ coordinated cult of hate against all trans peeps, apparently irrespective of transitioned status. In such a contemporary climate of public hate & political malfeasance, it seems almost like my long pre-existing "vanishment" might have been, more or less, life-preserving.

Yet, why bother? What kind of "life" is this? What is its point, at all? Is this life, or mere existence? Does it serve any purpose, or is it simply oxygen theft?

Compounding one's chronic self-directed rejection, with associated major depression, is the shocking plight of the planet wrt our shoot-in-foot #ClimateCrisis. All taken together, Albert Camus' Sisyphus treatise on #suicide rings constantly in one's ears.

Anyway, 👋, move along, nothing to see here, this is not the bright bubbly post you're looking for. Oh, look over there, cats! 👉

A #girl who #transitioned early has higher base stats but if you #transition in your 20s or later you have access to a wider move pool :antifa_100:

Fact check: why Rowan Atkinson is wrong about electric vehicles
https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2023/jun/08/fact-check-why-rowan-atkinson-is-wrong-about-electric-vehicles

#EVs #climatechange #transitioned

@essjay @grayface_ghost This thread is dismaying for me, albeit sadly unsurprising. Here in Straya, infuriatingly, #transphobia also seems to be getting distinctly worse over time politically & socially. I #transitioned almost two decades ago, & in my absolute naivety, fully/foolishly expected that the [then] future years would become better, not worse, in this regard. Now, as well as here, i read of the bloody UK situation, the so-bad-it's-hard-to-grasp US situation, & also various central European outrages.

I do not understand human beings. 😱

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-19/rainbow-story-time-cancellations-less-about-drag/102361698

I have this thought. It might be unpopular, notwithstanding it's coming from a #transitioned #transwoman [ie, any critics would need to work pretty hard to be able to accuse me of reflexive #transphobia or #homophobia].

Across parts of Straya, especially Victoria & NSW, & from what i read also in parts of southern USA, there's a growing pattern of local government councils attempting to put on book-reading events for kids in local council public libraries. That part's not new or novel, it's been happening for many decades.

The comparatively new/novel aspect is that lately, the invited, scheduled, advertised readers include various flamboyant entertainers whom some call #DragQueens. That these peeps, & the council staff [including but not only the librarians] are being increasingly targeted by vile mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging #RWNJ #ReligoFascists is self-evidently deplorable & intolerable. There is no parallel universe in which this ghastly hateful #homophobia & #transphobia is legitimate, acceptable or "ok".

However, my angle on this is a bit different. Afaik, many if not all of these events are organised under a banner of helping to increase social awareness of the full richness of #diversity & #identity [+, ofc, to further help imbue kids with the love of reading & learning]. #DragQueens are ofc part of that diversity... but they are only a *part*.

Why not also [not instead, but additional to] organise other book-readings by singles & pairings of partnered/married gay blokes & lesbians, & of ordinary* everyday #transwomen, #transmen, #enbies etc?

* by which, in this context here, i specifically just mean regular #trans bankers, truck drivers, architects, firies, cops, ambos, surgeons, engineers, construction workers, electricians, mechanics, et al, not exotic entertainers.

Wouldn't such a scope-broadening have an even better potential to spread social familiarity & insight? Would such broadening still be so readily "weaponisable" by the despicable loonies? 🤷‍♀️

#Mastodon #AdvancedWebInterface #LocalTimeline #FollowedHashtags #css

In my early months of Masto, last year, in my original #Instance, i personalised my Masto browser view to have five permanently visible columns, then used some #Stylus #css to adjust column widths, font sizes etc for comfy viewing in my browsers. The fifth column was the local timeline, which i used for casual reading during the times my Home column remained fairly "under-nourished".

One day, sometime last year, i learned from someone's helpful post that we could follow hashtags, something nowadays just blindingly obvious, but to me back then was utterly unknown. So i began doing so, adding more over time as needs & wants be.

A month or two ago, 'ish, i suddenly realised that nowadays i was spending ZERO time in that local timeline, given my Home column is always full as a goog, full up to dolly's wax, full to pussy's bow, et al 😜 Hence it was time to again edit my css, & my Masto interface, to revert to the four-column view.

TL;DR: following hashtags is fabulously handy!

Fwiw...

#Misanthropy

#ClimateChange
#ClimateCrisis
#RenewableEnergy
#overshoot
#WeAreTotallyFscked
#WeAreSelfishCruelBastards

#Whimsy
#DrHelenMagnus
#HHGTTG
#MostlyHarmless
#MontyPythonsFlyingCircus
#MontyPython
#TheSpanishInquisition
#RippingYarns

#AusPol
#Greens
#MichaelWestMedia

#Misdirection
#Semantics
#Logic
#Grammar

#GenderDysphoria
#Transition
#transitioned
#Transwoman
#Transwomen
#Trans
#Lesbian
#Lesbians

#FOSS
#Arch
#ArchLinux
#ArchInstall
#Fedora
#Kinoite
#KDEPlasma
#Plasma
#KDE
#Qt
#WindowRules
#Xfce
#Tumbleweed
#openSUSE
#MicroOS
#LibreOffice
#KMyMoney

#FirefoxNightly
#FirefoxBeta
#UserJS
#AboutConfig
#Sidebery
#TreeStyleTab
#Vivaldi
#VivaldiBrowser

@gregorysherrow

>Offer support and hope. Young people often don't have the tools to cope with this level of vitriol and can't see a light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Idk how this is credible, sorry. They're not stupid, they see the world around them, what it is doing to them, & what it apparently intends to continue doing to them. How can one avoid bleak existentialism when one's entire being is denied, insulted & threatened? And what's more, as if #GenderDysphoria & ALL that accompanies it were not bad enough, they're also well aware that due to generations of myopic selfish greedy irresponsible humans before them [& many still wilfully at it even now], #Gaia is now ramping up her response mechanisms against us all. There are no words to glibly ameliorate such #existential #dread. Contemplation of taking oneself off the stage, in such dire & worsening straits, is logical.

Btw, ofc those sentiments apply not only to said "young people". I stopped being young four+ decades ago, #transitioned ~two decades ago, yet also remain filled with despairing existential dread, & all the associated thoughts.

#WeAreTotallyFscked

Last night i watched a fab movie about a London lesbian+gay group supporting a Welsh coalmining village thru the 1984/5 coalminiing strike; "Pride". Such magnificent courage & spirit-nobility.

Yesterday apparently was International Trans Visibility Day. I'm not into #trans activism so didn't know about this b4hand.

I fully #transitioned 2004-2006, tried hard to make it 2007-2009, gave up as a lost cause & hence shut myself away, since 2010. A self-loathing coward. 😭

https://theconversation.com/witch-trials-terf-wars-and-the-voice-of-conscience-in-a-new-podcast-about-j-k-rowling-200088

#transphobia

When i #transitioned, over fifteen years ago, there seemed not to be any particular national nor global politicisation of people like me, who merely hoped finally to find solace & peace living our truth. Yes ofc sadly we were often the butt of tacky jokes, & pulp movie/tv villain mis-characterisations, but not mass public vilification & hatred.

Naively i'd assumed things would slowly improve. Never did i imagine the contemporary horror. It's just so mean.

It's 2023, I never once received a penny of #COVID relief. Neither did my child. Is this what it means to "denounce #socialism?" I also lost all but 1 Long Term Care resource and NEVER ONCE received health care. I served this country faithfully for decades as did my father. The same was done to him until he died from injuries sustained while denied his #rights

When #46 admin finally #transitioned after I fought with my life for it, I was #tortured, slandered, #grifted by #leadership #hrw #un

@danciruli @chris @Talia_christine @scrumm
I was talking to Io last night. She says she doesn't hold that view ever since she #transitioned across #Jupiter's disk recently.

She felt she couldn't speak for #Eros but said she would let them know about the view from below.

I came out to one sister in person about six years ago. I was hoping the process would have gone differently, but it could have been far worse. If I had to assign a car gear to the conversation it would be Neutral. It just did not go anywhere. Follow-up texting and phone calls were met with disengagement. Since I have not #transitioned socially, I have not tried to force the #transition discussion out of neutral after those initial attempts.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/my-transgender-time-machine-892de02d8b09?sk=28e3b896d89f5cbd1f2352108af10103
#LGBTQ #Transgender #Family

@grissallia Wow, you've had a life and career with some amazing similarities to myself, I've been married for 29 years and haver a 19 y/o Son. I'm a #Trans woman and have #ADHD and #transitioned a few years ago. I'm a US San Francisco based Principal Engineer for Security and Innovate, translate and implement tech solutions between other Engineers and non-tech business people, including compliance, auditors and banks.