但對被單獨隔離的囚犯而言，並無機會擁有患難之交，以致夥伴關係會發生在受害者和加害者之間，感覺跟他變成「求生存的基本單位」。這是發生在人質身上的「創傷連結關係」（traumatic bonding），她會視綁架者為救世主，害怕並仇視前來解救她的人。心理分析學家兼警官馬丁．塞門玆描述道，這個過程像是被迫退化的「心理幼稚症」（psychological infantilism），「迫使受害者強烈依附那個正好會危及其生命的人。」

——《創傷與復原（30週年紀念版）》
Readmoo讀墨電子書

這是與Ramani和其他人闡釋的不同的#TraumaBonding 值得注意

#trauma #traumarecovery #traumatherapy #traumainformed #traumawork #traumacounseling #traumabonding #traumaprocessing #traumarelease #traumainformedcare #traumainformedpractice #traumainformedtherapy #traumainformedapproach #traumainformededucation #traumainformedyoga #traumainformedmindfulness #traumainformedhealing #traumainformedparenting #traumainformedteaching #traumainformedcommunity

https://cardinalpointcounseling.com/what-counts-as-trauma/

This movie I’m watching, Death of a Vlogger, I’m really liking it so far. It’s an interesting twist on #FoundFootage in that it’s in documentary form with interviews. It’s a fairly insightful commentary on social media.

There’s a “social physiologist” on screen now with the best explanation for trauma bonding I’ve ever seen: When your phone buzzes, you get a little hit of dopamine when you see a like. So you come to crave your phone buzzing. Then imagine if over time, that experience becomes painful, negative. You still crave the dopamine hit, but it comes with pain.

I’m relating to that so hard, not just social media (Twitter especially), but also my experience with my abuser. Love bombing creates the attachment, which later becomes painful, but damn it’s a hell of a drug. #horror #AbuseCulture #TraumaBonding

Reading #relationship books written for “#normals” when your partner
has a #ClusterB #PersonalityDisorder is like reading a how to build a birdhouse
manual in order to learn how to swim safely with sharks.

In other words, it's not going to help.

A relationship with a #narcissist, #borderline, #histrionic or Cluster B variety pack isn't dysfunctional and toxic due to the issues non-disordered people have in relationships. The problems aren't due to deficient #CommunicationSkills. Nor is because you don't "speak their #LoveLanguage." And it isn't because you're from Mars/Venus and they're from Uranus -- or whatever not take #responsibility-#BlameShifting-#DARVO bullshit excuse they concoct.

It's because they have an un/diagnosed personality disorder. Their love language is Crazy. They lack the fundamental emotional and psychological capacity to have a healthy and reciprocal emotionally mature relationship built upon mutual respect and empathy.

Furthermore, being more empathic, patient and "loving them harder" isn't going to help you either. That advice results in more #enabling, #codependence and #TraumaBonding -- not more love.

Again, the real issues are the #NPD, #BPD, #HPD character pathology, which can't be fixed. And your #codependency, #peoplepleasing, #traumahealing, etc., which you can work on.

If you want to learn how to have healthier relationships, read about how to best protect yourself from emotionally manipulative liars/predators and how to address your codependency and family of origin issues because nothing else is going to work.

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

There’s a big difference between being #alone and feeling all alone. Typically, clients often feel less lonely/all alone as singles than when with their exes. That’s because you are alone in a relationship with a #narcissist, #borderline, #histionic or #psychopath.

Alone in effort, #intimacy peace-keeping, problem-solving, etc. Your needs, feelings and wants don’t matter. You only exist as an ego-gratifying object and scapegoat. Presumably, you’re also all alone in terms of emotional and psychological maturity, empathy, accountability, integrity and conscience. In some ways, you’re the single parent of an angry, cruel, selfish, pathologically dishonest, destructive adult toddler you can’t put in timeout. In this respect, I agree that being a single parent of an adult toddler is the toughest job there is ; )

Why are you all alone in a relationship with a #BPD, #NPD, #HPD?

1) The #lovebomb version of them at the beginning of the relationship wasn’t real. It’s a patchwork of #idealization, #mirroring, #projection, #TraumaBonding via #intensity and #bullshit.

2) It’s impossible for an adult to have an equal/equitable partnership with a child. This includes the #AdultToddler of the #ClusterB variety pack. They don’t want a partner; they want enablers. Even if you enable like an Olympic champion-level doormat/nanny/ego fluffer, they’ll eventually resent you for that, too. And then, the more you enable them – which is super unhealthy, btw – the worse they treat you.

3) Relationships with BPD/NPD/HPD aren’t two-way streets (i.e., mutual and reciprocal). They’re one-way streets paved with double standards. These individuals are pathologically self-absorbed and selfish.

4) After the #LoveBombing stage, you become a screen onto which they #project all of their flaws and psychological sewage. Objective reality is irrelevant.

You are alone in these relationships because you never really existed to them in the first place. Meaning, they never really appreciate a partner for who they truly are. But rather how willing you are to:

- Tolerate abuse and exploitation.
- #Enable them.
- Sacrifice/care for them without getting anything in return.
- Never hold them accountable.

Basically, any #codependent, trauma bond/ #RepetitionCompulsion/ #PeoplePleaser/ #fixer/ #resuer will do.

Therefore, isn’t it better to be alone than to feel all alone in a #ToxicRelationship? Or, to be alone rather than wish you were alone? Table for one, please!

#AbuseHasNoGender #TheMoreYouKnow

I made this meme in 2016. It's still one of my favorites. Is it the hairless cat hurtling through space and time.

#UnconditionalLove doesn't mean tolerating #abuse. Love does NOT conquer all. Many clients believed their relationship with a #narcissist, #histrionic or #borderline ex was #truelove-#soulmate stuff.

In reality, these relationships are usually a combination of unresolved childhood issues, #codependency, #RepetitionCompulsion and #traumabonding, not #TrueLove. You can resolve your codependency issues, but you can't love or pray the cray-cray away.

And watch out for flying cats on your way to the exit!

#AbuseHasNoGender #MenToo #NPD #BPD #HPD